Time to break my silence :( pour my heart out - Sorry!

traybro

Ok. Firstly this will be the hardest thing I have wrote ever but deep down I know that I need help and it is time for me to speak out.

Ok. I worked for the NHS for a long time. I became ill and after many many tests I was diagnosed with a disease I had no choice but to have a complete hysterectomy and I was only 25. It was heartbreaking for me,at the time I had no idea what was about to then happen.
I had the operation and the operation went wrong. They caused me some damage which has left me very ill. I was too embarrased to talk to anybody about it so I shut off.I needed further operations which resulted in me losing my job with the NHS because of the amount of time I had off work.

So 5 years ago I had total hysterectomy. Lost my job. Had several complicated operations and the end result is that I am left ill. I live on morphine, will never work again and sadly I will never regain my health.
The op went wrong and I have been left completely incontinent. Of course for a young lady my age it is highly embarrasing. I claimed no benefits because I didn't want to tell anyone my problems. Luckily for me I married at a young age and I have lived off my husbands income for the last 5 years.
This years been a financial struggle and I know it is unfair for me to live off my husbands income. I faced upto my health and went to see a solicitor about the damage that was caused during my operation, sadly for me , yes i had case of neglect but I needed to claim within 3 years after the operation, the solicitor couldn't persue my case.
I tried to claim incapacity benefit and I was notified that I had indeed passed the medical but because I hadn't contributed any NI in the last 5 years, I wasn't entitled to the benefit.They sent me a further letter saying that because I had passed the medical and because of my situation... I needed to claim disability.
I have had the forms now for a while but I am so scared to fill them in. Talking about my health distresses me. Not only am i incontenant which doctors say is terminal, I also live on morphine because of other conditions.
I can't expect to live off my husbands income. I can't work again because I am unfit to work. I am so scared to fill in the forms.
If I fill the forms in and have to go for an interview... will I have to talk openly about my medical conditions? I'm extremly embarrassed and I am only 33.

Sam____2

I'm sorry for what you've been through it sounds like you've had a horendous time.
But you will probably need to tell the relevant departments about your condition in detail, they can't just take your word for it and it will all need backed up medically.

Oldernotwiser

Could you clarify what you mean about your incontinence being terminal?

DUTR

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Could you clarify what you mean about your incontinence being terminal?

I think they mean they keep messing themselves .

rubys_mummy

my heart really goes out to you hun. you've been through an horrendous ordeal, but you DO really need to tell them everything, even tho its going to be really embarrassing for you

take your husband with you for support, and just answer their questions honestly and as much detail as you think necessary

if you don't it is highly unlikely you would be awarded any benefits, as they are being real swines from what i've seen on here

just keep saying to yourself that you'll NEVER see this person again.....i'm sure they'll be understanding if you tell them how embarrassing you find it talking about it all

good luck hun, and try not to worry too much xx

DUTR

rubys_mummy wrote: »

my heart really goes out to you hun. you've been through an horrendous ordeal, but you DO really need to tell them everything, even tho its going to be really embarrassing for you

take your husband with you for support, and just answer their questions honestly and as much detail as you think necessary

if you don't it is highly unlikely you would be awarded any benefits, as they are being real swines from what i've seen on here

just keep saying to yourself that you'll NEVER see this person again.....i'm sure they'll be understanding if you tell them how embarrassing you find it talking about it all

good luck hun, and try not to worry too much xx

As has her husband, hats off to him, as many I know would be off like a shot.

peainapod

rubys_mummy wrote: »

my heart really goes out to you hun. you've been through an horrendous ordeal, but you DO really need to tell them everything, even tho its going to be really embarrassing for you

take your husband with you for support, and just answer their questions honestly and as much detail as you think necessary

if you don't it is highly unlikely you would be awarded any benefits, as they are being real swines from what i've seen on here

just keep saying to yourself that you'll NEVER see this person again.....i'm sure they'll be understanding if you tell them how embarrassing you find it talking about it all

good luck hun, and try not to worry too much xx

Make sure you DO tell them EVERYTHING. I can understand that talking about it isn't the easiest thing for you but I'm afraid you'll have to talk about it if you want to get any benefits. Not sure if it will bring you any comfort but they've probably heard cases like yours many many times before, and I'm sure they'll be nothing but professional about it all ...
But I really do recommend that you tell them as much detail as possible, don't leave a single thing out.
Sorry for the terrible time you have had, but hopefully you can manage to do this and get this sorted and you will be a bit better off.
Good luck with everything, keep us updated

Sam____2

OP, I'm a bit confused as in previous posts you state you have an e-bay business and small children, can you clarify please?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3335578=

Sam____2

ellenette wrote: »

huh?? She says her husband maintains her.
I presume she had the children before the op - for obvious reasons!

I know it's a bit confusing as she says she had the op over 5 years ago but has "small kiddies to feed"
if she runs a small internet business then she is able to do some work and hasn't just been living off hubbys wages

pmlindyloo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Could you clarify what you mean about your incontinence being terminal?

I think the OP means that it is not going to get better.
I think I know Olderwiser what you were thinking as regards DLA - special circumstances - but I don't think that's the case.

I see people are beginning to get a little suspicious about the OP. There seems to be a lot of posts lately when people replying are becoming 'judge and jury' which I think is a shame.

If you are not convinced posters are genuine then don't reply!

If we reply trying to help it may also help someone else who has a similar problem.

OP - from your other threads it seems that you are trying your best to do what you can(work wise at home)under, what I imagine, are very difficult circumstances.

Now I just want to remind you that DLA is for care and mobility needs and is not based entirely on your medical circumstances. Therefore, you should read up all about it and try to consider the care and mobility needs that you have.

As someone suggested, you should get some help completing your forms.

As for the medical yes it is embarrassing but it will be for a very short time compared with the rest of your life. Good luck!

ChaseMe

DUTR wrote: »

I think they mean they keep messing themselves .

I actually read that as her having it for life.