Don't know how to help my best friend. :(

Darlyd

She is at her wits end with her DH.

I don't know the full story, BUT I do know they are in a hell of a lot of debt, Her DH is self employed, being chased by the tax man, owes money left right and centre, Friend been trying to pay of these debts, (totalling to around 30k) he does not contribute a lot to the house (Buys take aways, cars he does up, bits and bobs for himself), she also pays all the bills, she is paying council tax from last year, and has just received a court summons for this years, AND she is also paying of rent arrears, and she is just off to the supermarket as there is no food in, and she is using her rent money to get it.

She is only a student nurse, he earns so much more than she does, her credit file is severely affected, no way will she be able to rent private or buy a house (they are in council, also wanting to move but can't cus of all the arrears). She qualifies this year and this was her dream, to move and buy a house. Poor thing. Feel so sorry for her.

She has also had the baliffs there, listed everything in the house, told her if she don't pay (I think it was) £600 buy that evening then they will be coming to empty the house. So loan on top of loan.

I mentioned about DH going bankcrupt but CAB told him he couldn't as he has not paid tax or NI?

I told her to write on the debt forum, which she has (please take a look).

They do get TC for 3 kids. She has had a few weeks off uni due to a nasty accident, and is terrified of having to repeat a year.

I have asked her to come down Saturday night stay here come out for few drinks etc but she can not afford it . Wish I had the money I would pay for our night.

How can I help her?

marywooyeah

that does sound like a bad situation - Re the baliffs can she enter into some kind of payment plan with them?
for the food she needs to start making cheap meals - spag bol, stews etc - get her to have a look on the "moneysaving oldstyle" board.
is there anything she can negoiate down? sky/virgin package if you ring up and say you want to leave they normally knock a bit off.
he needs to pay more towards the house pure and simple - takeaways arent cheap, is he doing the cars up to sell on?
really not sure if that information regarding bankruptcy is correct, have a look on the bankrupcty board.

maybe she could go on a debt management plan rather than bankruptcy?

its good that you are such a good friend, maybe take a bottle of wine round to hers instead? I'm sure she'd appreciate it x

Plans_all_plans

Why is she paying all the bills when she has next to no income?

What is he doing with his earnings (aside from buying cr*p)?

Is there any way she could defer her uni course so that she could start working until they're out of financial trouble? I wouldn't recommend this course of action unless her husband gets on board with tackling the debt and starts pulling his weight where bills are concerned though.

Darlyd

It is a terrible situation.

I know they have Sky, and he does pay that but that is all I think he pays. As well as take aways and he does cars up and sells on, etc etc. He even uses his own money to do up other peoples cars. It's getting ridiculous, She is always trying to speak to him, he just accuses her of nagging and don't seem bothered. He also owes a lot of money to his brother and mother, and they chased my friend for it, He lent money from them when he had his unit. Which he no longer has.

She wants to finish uni as she is nearly qualified (10 more weeks) and as soon as she is qualified she can get a nursing job. At the moment she gets bursary. I will pass on information for her to check out the "moneysaving oldstyle" board. And bankruptcy board.. But I can see her banging her head against a brick wall.. She feels so frustrated.. To top it off, where she lives is well rough, her DD gets bullied, and her new neighbours are well nosey. But she can't get realicated (sp) or swap cus of all the arrears.

It's like just because she married to him, every debt has become hers. And she is missing home, Does not get on with his family, they are always funny with her, Dh is a mummy boy, (so much more to it) she moved over 500 miles to be with him 10 years ago, she has 3 children but 1 is his. But feels stuck in a rut.

I said to her as soon as she qualifies life will be much easier, she can go where ever she wants, she will have her nursing career to look forward too. And good job prospects. It just seems so far away from her. (especially if she has to repeat a year again due to her accident she had).

heretolearn_2

In future tell her not to let Bailiffs in the house - that is any fresh ones. Now she's let this lot have access they have the right to enter in future.

But if they haven't ever been inside, they have no right to force their way in (but they can come in through open doors/windows etc so tell her to be careful if she is expecting any more.

They will usually say they will come in to discuss everything to save you embarrasment but it's best to come outside, shut your door behind you, and only talk to them outside your home and never mind the neighbours.

Lotus-eater

darlyd wrote: »

How can I help her?

Probably best to take a few bottles of wine one night when he isn't there, or get her round to yours for a night, then tell her the realities of her situation re her OH, like, he's never going to change and will end up dragging her down.

pigpen

Bailiffs have no right of entry.. she should not let them in.

Why is she paying his debts? Id not bother.. Id pay the rent and council tax and arrears so I didnt lose the house and that woud be it.. Obviously the utilities too...

RAS

pigpen wrote: »

Bailiffs have no right of entry.. she should not let them in.

Unfortunately the bailiff have been in previously and listed goods (levy or WPO), so they can come back and remove them if they want.

pigpen

RAS wrote: »

Unfortunately the bailiff have been in previously and listed goods (levy or WPO), so they can come back and remove them if they want.

I saw.. it was very silly of her to let them in but given the level of debt they will probably be back.

Darlyd

She is pretty nieve (sp).

Would love for her to come stay with me for the night, she lives 40 mins away north. And says she can not afford the petrol, never mind a night out. Sadly nor can I But I am going to go out for a few hours with my £11.84p I have found in change around the house. First time I been out with friends since I was 18 I am now 30.. lol

Will be honest though, she does go out for meals a lot with friends, but she uses that money for the debts. I don't understand why she is not acting on it all. DH obviously not taking responsibility for the real world.

barbarawright

There is a very similar story over on the DFW boards - maybe she is already seeking advice?