DreamerHelen's New Diary - "Ad Astra per Aspera"

Shovel_Lad

Well done on putting in the hours :T

crimson.addict

11 1/2 hours later and i'm done working. Have to be back here in around 9 hours lol.

Need to nip to mums before bed so i might catch you around before i sleep If not, good luck for the start of next weeks target x

Mara_uk7

wowow 95 hours is a phenomenal effort ! Im so pleased for you. You never let me down hun, it just means the fritter fund box stays empty this week, lol

The BBQ was lovely, good job i made some savoury side dishes as no one else has asked my brother and we ended up with ten puddings, mostly all with cream, which was a shame for me os i don't like cream ! Never mind, i had lovely fresh strawberries and ice cream .:)

So, just off to bed, but couldn't go without looking in on you first.
Catch up tomorrow, nite nite x

Shovel_Lad

Last week you earned £345.32 working 62 hours. That is £5.57 an hour.
This week you earned £475.06 working 95 hours. That is £5 an hour.
The average of the two weeks is £5.21 per hour (In case you are wondering, it isn’t £5.28½ because the number of hours worked each week is different).

National minimum wage for you would be £6.19 an hour.

I'll say that again.
National minimum wage is £6.19 an hour. You have made £5 this week, £5.57 last week. Or to put it another way, you’re currently earning, at most 84% of the hourly rate that the person who delivers your pizza is.

Thank you for addressing the issue about your tax and NI.

The tax threshold this year 2013/14 is £9,440 (which is £181 a week) so if you will be earning more than that you need to be putting money away for your tax bill as well as NI. You really don't want to owe money to HMRC.

I am amazed that you haven't got into greater debt if you haven't been earning enough to pay any tax in the last 3 years.
2012/3 the tax threshold was £8100 so £155 a week.
2011/2 was £7470 so £143 a week.
2010/11 was £6470 so £124 a week.

How have you been affording to live when your rent is £120 a week? :think:

You made £475.06 but needed to make £890 - to quote you when you set it “It’s got to be done”. That's a £414.94 difference, yet you seem to have been able to “tweak” it away. How, in the space of a couple of days, is this possible? To me a tweak is making my own sandwiches rather than buying ready made. I cannot understand how you can have over £400 of “slack” in your budget to be able to “tweak” away on a whim.
Have you "tweaked" your budget for next week to allow for the £414.94 from this week, as well as whatever needs paying then anyway? Did the £890 include anything towards the big debts of £24700? These need paying too.

You can't keep putting off payments indefinitely. That is what you have always done on MSE (regardless of how much or little you have earned) - "tweaked" your budget and not paid things. It's not sustainable to do this.

The real issue is that you cannot earn enough money with the job you do to live and pay your debts. If you worked a week straight (168 hours) with no sleep and earned £5.21 per hour then you would earn £875.28 for the entire week. Your target - which were things you said you needed to pay for was £890.
It doesn't add up does it?

Based on the information you have posted here if you were completely debt free you would need to be working a minimum of 67 hours (at £5.21 an hour) each and every week just to pay essentials.

I think you need to give very serious consideration as to what you do.

Working 95 hours every week might be worth doing if it were paying you enough to live and pay your debts but it simply isn't. The path you are currently on is leading you into ever larger debt whether to financial institutions or to family and friends.

DreamerHelen

Hi Everyone....

Thank You for all of your Comments, I really really appreciate them. And thank you all for the "Well Done's"....

Shovel Lad....I HAVE looked at this Job and no, it DOESN'T pay enough....I managed to "tweak" by not paying certain things this Week but I AM still paying the essentials such as Rent and Food and a couple of Bills....

Things WILL get easier when these horrible PayDay Loans have gone....

It's NOT easy and never will be while I'm Training....I just have to accept that....

I feel like I have really done my best this Week...I couldn't have done anymore than I did....

I still keep an eye out for Jobs that I can do around my Studies but it's not easy.....Just have to keep on going....that's all that I can do and pay the Essentials that need paying....that's the ONLY thing I can do right now....

I hope that makes sense....

Just about to Log On now for the Night....

EDIT: And this Week I will NOT be borrowing ANY money from Friends/Family AT ALL, I have enough to live on.....I know it looks like it's not sustainable but all I can do is just keep on going....

Shovel_Lad

DreamerHelen wrote: »

Hi Everyone....

Thank You for all of your Comments, I really really appreciate them. And thank you all for the "Well Done's"....

Shovel Lad....I HAVE looked at this Job and no, it DOESN'T pay enough....I managed to "tweak" by not paying certain things this Week but I AM still paying the essentials such as Rent and Food and a couple of Bills....

Things WILL get easier when these horrible PayDay Loans have gone....

It's NOT easy and never will be while I'm Training....I just have to accept that....

I feel like I have really done my best this Week...I couldn't have done anymore than I did....

I still keep an eye out for Jobs that I can do around my Studies but it's not easy.....Just have to keep on going....that's all that I can do and pay the Essentials that need paying....that's the ONLY thing I can do right now....

I hope that makes sense....

Just about to Log On now for the Night....

EDIT: And this Week I will NOT be borrowing ANY money from Friends/Family AT ALL, I have enough to live on.....I know it looks like it's not sustainable but all I can do is just keep on going....

Sorry, Helen but this does not tally with the figures you have already stated here. You “have to pay” two of your four payday loans (£305) and your rent (excluding back payments you owe) is £120, those 2 bills alone come to £425, that leaves you £50 and you are saying you can pay for essentials, food and “a couple of bills”? What is not “essential” out of your utility bills, the money you owe your mother for bailing you out over the council tax and back rent, your mobile phone bill, your utility bills, current council tax, maintaining your other 2 payday loans, your Oyster card, your Therapy bills, your prescriptions & tv licence or all your other debts and obligations.

I’m sorry to be brutal, but if you think £50 is enough across all those, then you really don’t understand the position you are in at all. Don’t get me wrong, I think your working for 95 hours is quite some achievement, but the simple fact is that at the end of this week you are in more debt than you were at the beginning. Yes, not as much debt as if you had only worked your normal 20-25 hours, but still more than before. Things won’t get easier if you carry on this way. They will get harder. Again, not as quickly as if you were working your old hours, but harder nonetheless.

You say that you don’t feel you could have worked any harder. I agree. I think you have worked very hard, and you should be applauded for that. But… Take out your payday loans and you still have obligations of around £550 a week (more if you include your “big” debts). In other words, a £75 shortfall on a week where you have worked your hardest.

You say that part of the reason why you do this job is to fit around your studies. You can’t fit a 95 hour working week around anything. And you need to work more than that to just tread water. If you got 2 full time (40hr) jobs, both paying minimum wage, not only would you earn more (£495) but you would have an extra 15 hours a week to dedicate to study.

I am pleased to hear you will not be borrowing any money from friends and family this week.
What about next week? Next month?
What about borrowing from anyone else - pay day loans for example?

You have repeatedly borrowed money from family and friends over the time you have been posting on MSE. £2000 owed to your mum for a dentist bill she paid on her credit card. £9000 to your ex partner. Numerous posts of "I had to borrow some money from a friend".
There is never any mention of you paying any of it back. How much do you really owe?
If your mum didn't pay your rent because the tenancy is in her name you would have been evicted long ago.

I don't think you are listening. I think you need to grow up (you're 35, not 12) and face the reality of your situation.

It doesn't "look like it's not sustainable" - it isn't sustainable.

"Keeping going" will just result in more debt. And I fail to see why your family and friends should keep bailing you out. Borrowing even more money from pay day loan companies will just make your life even more miserable.

You say you are aware this job does not pay enough (I HAVE looked at this Job and no, it DOESN'T pay enough....) but are behaving as if it does :wall:

You need another plan. A better paying job NOW. Have a DMP/go bankrupt NOW. Either. Both.
You need a plan NOW.

I know you plan to work as a psychotherapist when you are qualified and earn more money from that than you do now.
That is in the future - you need to deal with how things are now.

I seriously doubt what I have written will make the slightest bit of difference to you and how you behave but I can't just ignore what you've said when it is so distanced from reality.

To all the lovely people on here who are supporting Helen.
Please read what I have written today (and previously) and tell me - am I wrong?
I am not saying any of this to be horrible to her.
I just want her to get to grips with how things really are so she can have the life she wants but I feel like I am bashing my head against a brick wall.

DreamerHelen

Shovel Lad....It's not that I'm not listening to you....It's just that I can't see a way out....And I am trying to keep on going....but it feels like lurching from one Week to another....

I am on a self-managed DMP....but still not paying the larger 4 Debts....And that DOES need to be sorted out....

This Week, I have managed to extend one of my PayDay Loans, which is NOT ideal....but was all I could think of doing....But I will be paying the QuickQuid one off completely....

I had to finish with my new Therapist because of various reasons - And I haven't started with a new one yet....so I don't have to pay that yet....but I WILL have to start fairly soon...Just want to pay all the PayDay Loans off first....

I also have £51 per Week from Working Tax Credits.....which does help bail me out of a sticky situation sometimes!!

In terms of getting a Full-Time Job....I have the Course on a Tuesday (except during Holidays), Placement on a Thursday and have to make time for Therapy.....So I don't have the time for a Full-Time Job...the only reason I can do 95 hours at the moment is because I mostly Work at night and haven't got much sleep over the past Week....

I AM listening to what you're saying....And you ARE right....All I can say is that I'm trying my very best....And I dont' think you're having a go at me...I honestly think you're trying to help....

I DO need to pay back my Friends and Family....and part of this Week's Earnings (that are paid on 1st August) include paying one of my Friend's back.

So those are my thoughts....I am trying my hardest to survive....It's not easy but so far I'm just about managing...and Working as hard as I'm Working now is VERY much helping....

Hope that all makes sense....

EDIT: I DO wish you wouldn't say "This probably won't make any difference to Helen"...It DOES make a difference....But at the end of the day I'm doing my best and I can only do what I can do....I CAN only do my best and try and keep on going...It's NOT that I'm ignoring ANY of you....What you ALL say to me makes a difference...

Shovel_Lad

DreamerHelen wrote: »

Shovel Lad....It's not that I'm not listening to you....It's just that I can't see a way out....And I am trying to keep on going....but it feels like lurching from one Week to another....

I am on a self-managed DMP....but still not paying the larger 4 Debts....And that DOES need to be sorted out....

This Week, I have managed to extend one of my PayDay Loans, which is NOT ideal....but was all I could think of doing....But I will be paying the QuickQuid one off completely....

I had to finish with my new Therapist because of various reasons - And I haven't started with a new one yet....so I don't have to pay that yet....but I WILL have to start fairly soon...Just want to pay all the PayDay Loans off first....

I also have £51 per Week from Working Tax Credits.....which does help bail me out of a sticky situation sometimes!!

In terms of getting a Full-Time Job....I have the Course on a Tuesday (except during Holidays), Placement on a Thursday and have to make time for Therapy.....So I don't have the time for a Full-Time Job...the only reason I can do 95 hours at the moment is because I mostly Work at night and haven't got much sleep over the past Week....

I AM listening to what you're saying....And you ARE right....All I can say is that I'm trying my very best....And I dont' think you're having a go at me...I honestly think you're trying to help....

I DO need to pay back my Friends and Family....and part of this Week's Earnings (that are paid on 1st August) include paying one of my Friend's back.

So those are my thoughts....I am trying my hardest to survive....It's not easy but so far I'm just about managing...and Working as hard as I'm Working now is VERY much helping....

Hope that all makes sense....

EDIT: I DO wish you wouldn't say "This probably won't make any difference to Helen"...It DOES make a difference....But at the end of the day I'm doing my best and I can only do what I can do....I CAN only do my best and try and keep on going...It's NOT that I'm ignoring ANY of you....What you ALL say to me makes a difference...

You are lurching from week to week. I can see that and that is why I am trying to help. You say I am right but don't do anything based on that.
So what I say "makes a difference"? Good. Then please listen and do something based on that.

You're not "just about managing" - really you're not and I find it quite painful to read what you post when I know there are ways out. As Martin says "No debt is unsolvable. It may not be quick or easy but it can be solved".
You're not exempt from that - he didn't say at the end "but I don't include Helen because her debt problems can't be fixed".

The way out is either:
1) A better paid job now.
2) A DMP or bankruptcy.
3) Both.
4) Winning loads of £ on a scratchcard. That's what you hope for when you buy one isn't it? Nothing wrong with that but you can't base your financial plans on it. And some of them cost £10 which you cannot afford. Actually you can't afford them at all and I don't think buying them is in any way helpful to you. Seriously, £10 (and I know you're bought then in the past).

You don't have a self managed DMP if you are not including all your debts and therefore paying something towards every single debt. A DMP self managed or otherwise needs to include all debts and be based on a realistic budget. Otherwise it will fail and leave the person worse off than before.
You know this - you have posting on here since April 2008.

If you have a DMP managed by someone like Payplan or Stepchange you are not allowed to take on anymore debt. Is that why you don't have a DMP managed by someone else? Are you scared of living without access to credit even credit at huge interest rates like pay day loans?

Talk to one of the debt advice charities. Tell them everything. They have heard it all before. See what they advise. Take it away from your shoulders.
You shouldn't be trying to work 117 hours a week (as you said you were going to this past week) when there are solutions to your debt problems that don't involve such insane working hours and will enable you to have a life.

You say you are doing your best but you're not. Doing your best would mean dealing with your problems not hiding from them. You're being shielded by the goodwill and generosity of your family and friends and the "nice" pay day loans companies who are happy to see you in more debt to them. Of course they are - at 5000% APR or whatever (yes, I did put three 0's in that).

This will probably sound like a therapist's question (I'm not one by the way it's just something I need to say): What are you scared of?
I've thought this for a long time but it was never the right time to say it but I think you are scared of living a "normal" life. One without the constant drama of having no money, borrowing money, grand plans to pay it off working 100 hour weeks and all the things that involves.
You seem to crave drama and the attention you get from other people because of it. You constantly need people to approve of you by validating something you have done.

It is ok to set targets, but you need to set them for yourself. You set them for other people. Did you ever really think £890 was achievable? Because I didn't, not for one moment. I think you set that target because you knew anything less would get some of the people on this thread questioning whether you could pay what you had said you were going to. You know I was keeping track of your earnings last week. By Tuesday evening, my estimate for the week was within £15 of what you achieved - I would have been closer but you stopped working early last night which messed up my figures. If I can do that based on only a couple of week's data, you should be able to do it based on years doing the job. Stop trying to achieve the impossible just because you think that is what other people want to hear.

You are enough in yourself. You are a nice normal person who does not need to be in a middle of a drama or crisis to have people around. People can be there just because they like you. That's enough. Really it is. Repeat after me "I am enough in myself". I do that sometimes - just don't tell anyone

Maybe I am way off the mark but I don't think so. It makes me feel sad that you might feel like that. It's not a criticism of you, there is nothing wrong with you. You just need to rethink some of your behaviour so you can have a better, happier life - the one you should have.

It is very late and I need to be up early so I need to go.

Please, please think about what I have said. Please call one of the debt advice charities and sort this out one and for all.

If you ever want to talk or bounce ideas off someone I am only a PM away. I will never post on here anything you say in a PM - just to make that clear.

Goodnight.

DreamerHelen

Thank You Shovel Lad....I really DO appreciate everything you are saying....

And you are partly right - I am a martyr, part of me loves the whole drama because then I can say "I'm trying my best but it just didn't work out"....It's not something I'm proud of but I HAVE learned that about myself.....and learniing about myself is important because then I can try and change what I don't like....

I DO sometimes think that people won't like me if there is no drama....So thank you for saying that I am enough....I usually don't feel like I'm enough and I feel that I'm constantly letting myself and other people down....

I DO often feel like I need validating by other people...Even now I'm thinking that you don't think I'm good enough and I desperately want to prove myself to you - And really, all I need to do is prove it to myself.

I will think about Calling Step Change....What I want to do is to have a look at the rest of the Year and see if I can work out something that is manageable....but I dont' know if it is or not....Especially when I'm on a Course Weekend (we have 6-ish per year) because that means I can't do as much Work at the Weekends!! Maybe I AM scared of not being able to take on more Debt....I will have to have a serious think about that....

I HAVE listened to you and your advice is invaluable....I don't feel that you are getting at me...I genuinely feel that you are trying desperately to help me and I really appreciate that....

I will PM you if I ever need any advice....I so desperately want NOT to have to Work 100 hours per Week....I'd love to be able to Work a normal-ish 50-60 hours per Week and NOT be knackered the whole time....

Thank you for taking the time to try and help....And I wish you a Good Night's Sleep and Sweet Dreams....xXx

EDIT: Having looked at my Debts that I pay each Week, Lowell Debt is £50 per Week, CCS is £50 per Week and Moorcroft is £40 per Week and I'm currently paying Wonga but that finishes on 2nd August so I'm not counting that....so that's £140 PER WEEK and some people only pay that PER MONTH...so I think I could save a LOT if I went to Step Change. So I WILL Call them in the morning and get an Appointment to go through everything with them. Last time I tried to Call them they told me I had to wait for an Appointment because I'm self-employed and that makes it more complicated but it's definitely worth doing. So that's what i'm going to do!! That feels a bit better now.

DreamerHelen

Right, I've Worked into my Schedule some time to sleep tonight and the morning....and then some time off to be able to have a Conversation with Step Change AND Call up Lowell, CCS and Moorcroft to stop the Continuous Charge on my Card....And tell them that I'm going with Step Change so they WILL get some money.

I also want to Work out a Plan for the next few months if I can as to what is REALISTIC every Week....

I'm also going to chop up the ONLY Credit Card I still have in existence...It's my Vanquis Credit Card...has about £200 on it right now and I'm going to Chop it up so I can't be stupid and try and use it when I've paid some off it.

I don't know if I can include the remaining PayDay Loans in the Step Change or not....because I dont' know how to stop it coming out of my Account automatically - Can someone advise? Because of course they have my Card Details so they can just take it...Could I just order a new Card so they CAN'T take it? Or change my Bank Account number or something? Any advice on this would be great....but it's possible that Step Change will advise...

Anyway....So I'm going to put that into action in the morning.

I've made a good start on this Week's Target....I've made £40 so far....which is not a bad start....

Good Night Everyone...xXx Feels like positive changes are afoot!!