You know how every now and then I get down? Well today...

aliasojo

...is one of those days.

I woke up feeling really low, I suspect I was dreaming but I don't really remember doing so. I've got wet eyes and a lump in my throat. I can't shift the feeling.

The finality of it all this moving business is hitting home now I think. OH is coming back here tomorrow to pick up whatever bits wont go in my car and also to take daughter and a couple of her friends down to the new place. (We said she could take friends with her for a few days to help her explore the new area and give her a bit of back up confidence if she meets new kids in the park etc. She also just wanted her pals to know where she was going to be staying.)

As long as I get the last coats of varnish on the doors, I will be following them down, if not, I'll be down on Tues. And that's it,no more home here. I've been here 20 odd years, it was my house before I even met OH, I've had kids here. I practically rebuilt the place myself with new walls and floors etc.

I'm thinking stupid things like how the people staying here after I leave wont take care of my hob. It's a wide 5 ring induction Siemens job that cost an arm and a leg and I coveted for ages before getting it. No one else will appreciate it the same way, or even care, it's only a hob after all. I bet they wont run the water first, or for long enough, before putting on the waste disposal unit either. (Yes I know I'm being flipping stupid - I am what I am. )

That all makes me sound very shallow. I'm not really, it's just that we lived in a shabby house for years before we managed to change things for the better, we really appreciated being able to get nice things and we never really got an opportunity to make too much use of them because of the rest of the ongoing refurb . It's ironic that a huge push has been made now that we're moving out, to get things finished.

We're going to a rental place that sucks big time. We had little choice, it was the best option open to us in the time frame we had. The loos have seriously smelly urine filled carpets (I ripped up and replaced), kitchen is shoe box size and is dark and dull (old mahogany wood with dark red on the walls....it's what I imagine Dracula would feel at home in), the cooker trips the electrics all the time, the washing machine leaked all over the floor the first time we used it and the LL said he'd repair or replace and that was 4 weeks ago now and he's done nothing. I know I can deal with him when I get down there, it's just that nothing is nice or right iyswim.

We're not allowed to do anything in the place, even although I'm happy to improve things here and there.

I'm worrying about the reality of driving daughter to school every day. (Placement request so no school transport and we're in the sticks, very rural. No other kids in the area will be going to this school.) It seemed very do-able when I originally made plans and now it's round the corner I'm panicking a bit. What if my car breaks down or I get sick?

I know all this wont be forever. We took the place to get down to the area and will hopefully be able to move closer to daughter's school at some point but it will probably be a year before that is an option, simply because of financial constraints.

I'm just having a panic. Thanks for letting me get it all out. The dog is my only company at the minute and he is looking at me like I'm daft.


Edit: I know there are people worse off than me. I know my feelings pale into significance compared to other things (thinking about Barney'smom's troubles as an example). I know I should just man up and shut up.

mrcow

AJ - it's been a labour of love and goodbyes are never easy even at the best of time.

The new place won't be so bad once it's clean etc. the way you like it.You're going to be fine xx

Pollycat

You've had massive upheaval in a very short space of time and that's turned your life (as you knew it) on its head.

I can understand all your feelings, even the ones you call 'shallow' but aren't.

Just try to think of this as a new chapter in your life.
OK, so your new home isn't that great, but you know it's not forever.

You have your OH (who has a job), your kids and dog.
That's all you need (Oh, and maybe these).
:grouphug::coffee:

emsywoo123

Hi
It is such a massive upheaval, I really feel for you

The only bit I can say, is that I drive DD to school every day, and it is very do-able. At the end of pregnancy with DS I had made good friends at the school and was inundated with help!

Other people's problems being greater does not change the emotional upset you feel now. Don't feel guilty for feeling this way xxx

Sambucus_Nigra

But if you felt bright and breezy about the old place it would be as if you didn't mind leaving, which you obviously do.

I've moved at least 34 times in my life and each one is a pain....but if I had to leave this place where we are planning the rest of our lives then - I'd have more than a lump in my throat.

The hob sounds fab, we couldn't even fit one in here. I'm sure the next person will think so too.

Callie22

As a tenant, one thing I would really appreciate in a new house is something of an instruction manual - nothing too overbearing but 'x works like this, it's a good idea to run the water for a while if you're using the waste disposal' etc etc. I've never had anything like that and it's annoying (as I'm sure you've found out!) to not know the quirks of appliances. It's horrible leaving somewhere you've cared about, but it might make you feel a bit better if you do something proactive in terms of making sure it's maintained.

aliasojo

Joiner that promised me faithfully that he would be here and not let me down, has just sent a text saying he can't come. He was supposed to be here ages ago. He was here yesterday and knows the situation, he knows how important it was to get this done today. It was to plasterboard something and the painter was coming at 8am tomorow to tape and fill the joints. (I can't even do it myself as he was picking up the p/b for me in his van, it's Sunday, it's not like I can just nip to the local builder's merchants.)

He may well have a good explanation but his track record isn't good and he's let me down loads of times previously for reasons like 'I had a hangover' so I'm obviously going to assume it's more of the same. He was good at what he did which is why I put up with his erratic attendance.

I'm flipping stuffed now though! Quite annoyed!

Edit: I've just been in touch. He needs to mind his young lad. Which is fair enough but it's really messed up the schedule.

make_me_wise

I feel you have been very happy in your current home. Lots of massive milestones have taken place there and by the sound of it you have poured your heart and soul into making it a lovely place. Ive had days when I have woken up as you have today. Its unsettling. I should think you have been running on adrenalin and now that the final push is coming its hit you like a ton of bricks hasn't it.

In time you will have a lovely new home, you are the type of person who can make that happen. You have your family around you and will all pull through this phase. Something that helps me when life feels overwhelming is to remember that nothing is permanent, everything is just a stage of our lives.

Dont do any work today. Spend time just enjoying where you are right now. Go around the house, go into the garden, walk round the local area and take some photos. Capture everything that matters to you. Have a cuppa and a few biccies first and then do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel happier. Sending you a massive hug OP.

January20

aliasojo, I really understand how you feel about your house. It's not the house itself, it's the hard work, the home you made there, the memories. You can do that somewhere else in time though can't you? I've missed a few of your threads since you announced you might be moving, so could you tell me: are you selling your house or are you renting it out?

Barneysmom

Have a dodgy hug from me

It's only natural you're going to be feeling low today, it's not just the house, you've got so much on your plate. Blimey you have so much.
It's you home, you've loved it and been part of it for so long and it must be painful to think you are leaving it.

You are going to be ok, you're a strong person.


Try and distract yourself by singing really loud and out of tune. If you're on your own you can add swear/rude words too, no one will know.
And make sure you eat or else! xxx

:grouphug::coffee::grouphug:

aliasojo

January20 wrote: »

.... I've missed a few of your threads since you announced you might be moving, so could you tell me: are you selling your house or are you renting it out?

It's a deferred decision for now.

Son was buying his own place but has decided he would prefer to put down more of a deposit so is to stay here for a few months till he adds to his pot. He earns a fortune so it wont take long. We will decide then what to do with house.