Really upset now - need to vent.

kimberley111

Awww it's awful isn't it?! There's enough stress without the added pressure from families. I got married two years ago and it wasn't a pleasant experience planning it all. My MIL refused to sit at the top table if we didn't ask her brother and his wife to sit there too! I refused to give in and she ended up on her own table with them haha,she told me if I didn't invite her great aunty she wouldn't come to the wedding which I ended up giving in and invited her after MIL didn't speak to me for nearly a month. My MIL also on my wedding day got the staff at the place we had our reception to change seating arrangements around as she didn't like the table she was sat at! I didn't know any of this until I walked in and saw the seating plan I had slaved over had totally changed! It was soooo stressful I would NEVER EVER become a wedding planner. Oh and the aunty who I was blackmailed into inviting told me on our wedding day she wasn't having a very nice time hahahah

Dekazer

Oh Codemonkey, what a shame. I can't think of any better advice than anyone here, apart from to keep venting to us whenever you need to! It seems like so many of us have had grief from families, at least you'll always get a sympathetic, understanding ear!

Debbiecatal, how kind of you to be 'taking the flak' for your daughter. Actually, your comment made me think. Weddings have changed so much in recent years (people paying towards their own weddings, getting married later in life, different etiquette etc) but perhaps one thing we've lost a bit is the ability to delegate properly.

I haven't asked anything of my own mother, and I feel a real sense that OH and I are doing the organising and work. However, your post makes me think that I should set out much more clearly exactly what my Mum could do to help. When it comes to dealing with family issues, perhaps mothers (and MIL2bs) can actually come into their own. Assuming they're not the problem of course.

I think this just might be the right job for my Mum, step-Mum and Mum-in-law to be!

bride2be2012

Dekazer - you have hit the nail on the head I think. My mum has been a great help to me with sorting out who to invite. I have lots of aunties, uncles, cousins and second cousins (about 30 by the time you count them all), so me and OH decided to only invite my aunties and uncles to the whole day, and cousins/2nd cousins to the evening. My mum called all my aunties and explained to them, which was a great help.

MIL2B isn't quite as helpful, she doesn't quite get the concept of a small, intimate family wedding!! Last night OH phoned her to get some addresses for our Save The Date cards. She then asks if he wants the addresses for 3 of her friends!! After telling her repeateadly it's a small family wedding, she still wasn't getting the point - so he gave me the phone, and so I quickly reminded her that I was only having one friend at the ceremony, OH is having none, so there was no way she was getting three!!

Poppleminster

Hang in there chick! It's not going to be easy as wedidngs bring out the absolute worst in families sometimes. Everyone wants their idea of what is the best and not yours. Just keep looking at your man and remembering it's about that promise you're making. On the day, you wont care about tablecloths, flowers or if the neighbours, sisters, postmans dog is there. It's just you and your man doing the most romantic, dedicated and beautiful promise that people can give each other. At that moment and from then on, all this stress will be over. You'll be sharing it with people who actually care if you mean the promise or not, who will be there for you if you need them and not just there as fashionable accessories because they want an excuse to buy enw shoes and have a free slap up meal. Stick to your guns, it'll be worth it when you see the photos of all the people you care about and you & your man all smiling xxxxx

codemonkey

Ok. Well I eventually lost it at the trouble makers and I got an apology of sorts. It was a bit sarky and felt forced but I honestly can't give any more time to this, so I've decided to let it go and sent out evening invites. I'm hoping that none of them come though, but at least this way, we're being mature.

Still feeling really low though. Stupid families. Why can't they just be happy for us?

Poppleminster

Evening invites are easier I guess, that way you have all the nice people you want round you in the day

Family politics. Almost the same as playground politics! xxx