Really upset now - need to vent.

double_mummy

poor babes i know how u feel OH has IBS and any stress and it flares up

he finds that not eating meals but eating a little bit every couple of hours helps to stop the pain and bloating

and lots of hot baths and early nights

and i know its hard but at work tr and take 30 seconds out whenever your stressed and use breathing exercises

and im sure you look gorg after all ur hard work in the gym and i bet OH feels the same (and maybe he could give you a hand de stressing wink wink)

bubbles0169

poppleminster you r my shining light my saviour!!i am going to cull those 'friends/family' why didnt i put my own foot down?i dunno i think i got caught up so showing off but its not a show as u said thank you you have brought me down!!eep good job i havent said to any1 apart from oh hows invited

codemonkey

Ugh. Right, so last night h2b got frustrated with me being upset and posted on Facebook that its our day and we'll be doing it the way we want to. That was followed by a status by one of my brothers kids (i say kid - she's 25) going on about how dare we say bad things about her family when they all stick together. Anyway a couple of other family members including 2 who got married recently stuck up for us and she deleted us from Facebook before I could point out that I didn't even get invited to her brother's wedding and I didn't get upset because I understood that they had a budget.

This process has really highlighted who the important people are in my life. The ones who will stand up for me and support me and who can be cut loose.

Sadly I think my brother will be in touch later giving me hassle for last night and probably not coming to the wedding at all.

Plus, I now have a problem. I said I'd send out evening invites to them when my brother did the whole "its all of us or none of us" type thing. I want to invite one of his kids who is not involved in any of this, plus the invitations would make it clear that they're no longer invited to the day. Do I still send them out?

Tiara_2

What a nightmare! It is so sad that people can't respect the fact it is your wedding day, not a family reunion. The guest list is completely up to you and your oh. Weddings are blooming expensive and I find it downright rude that people can be so cheeky about assuming it is fine for them to complain about who you have and haven't invited.

I would just call your cousin and ask for a yes or no answer. Simply explain your venue needs final numbers now, and you need to know whether or not they will be able to come. It is a privillege to be invited, and the very least they can do is tell you whether or not they're planning on coming.

As for whether to invite your bother & co to the evening, only you can decide that. I guess you need to way up how much you want them there- would you regret not having them there in years to come, and how bad would the potential fall out from that be? The flip side is if they would cause arguments/ trouble/ fires if they were invited!

As you say, one good thing is that it has highlighted the people who will stick by you and support you. As the old saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family. Your wedding is about committing to your oh for the rest of your life, and no spiteful words or actions from your family can do anything to spoil that. It is your day, you do what will make you happiest.

You have worked so so hard at the gym and with dieting. The results will show on your fitting, and whatever the tape measure or scales say, you must be much more toned and healthier. And it's their job to get the dress to fit you perfectly, so you will look amazing

Your work sounds pretty horrendous- I've been in a similar situation before and it gets ridiculously stressful. If others are allowed time off for holidays or to be ill then why aren't you? Is there no way they would even let you have one day off to have a bit of time out? It isn't fair that others can take time off if they won't let you do the same.

I found Kalms awesome by the way- they got me through exams, uni, and even my driving test, and I will defo start taking them in the build up to our wedding. They definitely help take the edge off the nerves and anxiety, so hopefully they would help you.

codemonkey wrote: »

Ugh. Right, so last night h2b got frustrated with me being upset and posted on Facebook that its our day and we'll be doing it the way we want to. That was followed by a status by one of my brothers kids (i say kid - she's 25) going on about how dare we say bad things about her family when they all stick together. Anyway a couple of other family members including 2 who got married recently stuck up for us and she deleted us from Facebook before I could point out that I didn't even get invited to her brother's wedding and I didn't get upset because I understood that they had a budget.

This process has really highlighted who the important people are in my life. The ones who will stand up for me and support me and who can be cut loose.

Sadly I think my brother will be in touch later giving me hassle for last night and probably not coming to the wedding at all.

Plus, I now have a problem. I said I'd send out evening invites to them when my brother did the whole "its all of us or none of us" type thing. I want to invite one of his kids who is not involved in any of this, plus the invitations would make it clear that they're no longer invited to the day. Do I still send them out?

MsShopper

Code, you poor thing! Can't believe your niece behaved like that. What is it about weddings that brings out people's selfish side?! :mad:

Not sure what to advise regarding the evening invites. A part of me would want to take the higher ground and send them out anyway. (And then ignore them on the night, ha!)

littlecat29

these stories are so sad but becoming more and more frequent - read back to one of my posts abt my family woes and my wedding so i totally feel for you, my brother hasnt spoken to me for 7 or 8 weeks now since he decided that he couldnt bare to be in the same room as my dad - not even for 20 minutes let alone any more of the wedding following a family disagreement a few months ago. It was my birthday last week and i didnt get a card, phone call, text - nothing from him.
My OH has rang him to ask if he is still going on the stag doo as he's the only one who hasn't paid up yet to which he replied yes of course he's going!

Its obviously just his sisters wedding that he has issue's with attending :-(

It hasnt and wouldnt cross his mind that on my wedding day i will not be able to have a family photograph taken which makes me cry just thinking abt it.

We're the same thinking as you Code, we want to know that all 35 people at our ceremony are close friends and family and that are there because they want to be and not because so and so says they ought to be - my brother also got the hump prior to the cant be in the same room as dad hump because i wont invite an uncle that i haven't seen for 10 years.. that ended in him putting the phone down on me after i said no he's not invited at least half a dozen times..Families eh?!

bobble_hat

Bless you, this is so rubbish, it does upset me when I hear stories like this, it is your day, you will remember for the rest of your life, the majority of people you invite will forget it as soon as they attend the next wedding.

The day should be what you want it to be. When we got married that was my one rule. I didn't have my own Mum at mine, she was conveniently on holiday at the time. She is an alcoholic and is very rude about me, I did not want that on my wedding day. She upset my brother and sister on their Wedding days and me on my graduation, so I knew how it would be. She turned up uninvited to my Sister's wedding and made a scene.

You really don't need the stress of this and those people who really love you will value your opinion over their own expectations. Put your foot down because it's your day and you won't be able to repeat it. I hope it works out for you. :grouphug:

Hollie84

aww hugs hun this is the problem with weddings u cant please everyone i to know that but what people seem to forget is ITS YOUR DAY! no one elses yours,we told MIL we werent inviting two of H2B's uncles as we dont see them,they dont bother with us,they send a xmas card to his mothers !!!!!! altho we have lived here for years and he never gets a birthday card.anyway 2 days later we called her and she said,can u invite the one uncle his wife and daughter to the evening and i will pay for them !!!!!! that defeats the object we dont want them there,no if we say no it looks like were nasty,she ahs totally put us on the spot.

then when we told her the seating plan for the top table and how her husband wouldnt be on it looks could have killed,its for 2 hrs for goodness sake,wind your neck in! if we had her hubby we would have to have FIL's wife and OH's 2 sisters we simply dont have the space on the top table then his nan would be sitting alone.his dad is fine about it shame his mum cant be the same

i best stop before i continue MIL's who'd have them!

Debbiecatal

These things always bring out the worst, don't they - I really feel for you. My daughter is not inviting my brother to her ceremony or reception. He hasn't really spoken to any of the family for years, and not to Catherine since she was a child. He isn't good with kids and the only time he spoke to her then was to shout at her - so understandably she doesn't see why she should have him at her wedding. Since my father died in March (he hadn't visited for 18 months before that despite knowing he was very ill) he has made a bit more effort and my mum and sister have both moaned at me that he, together with his vile second wife and their kids, are not invited (his 2 kids from his first marriage are invited as they have continuously been part of Catherine's life).

She is going to send them an evening invitation, but I keep getting remarks like 'They probably won't bother just for the evening, which is a shame'. All I say is that it is Catherine's wedding and she will have whoever she likes and not have whoever she likes. Why should he be invited anyway? Nobody has a divine right to be at a wedding.

I am keeping the flack off her as much as I can - and she won't care if he never speaks to her again anyway as they don't have any sort of relationship anyway so it's no loss!

Can you find someone to draw the flack off you and field questions like this? As the MOB and FOB the invites are technically from us anyway so we are having any questions and RSVPs directed to us and we will ensure no stress for Catherine while supporting HER choice for HER wedding - perhaps there is someone in your family who can take on that role?

marywooyeah

It is easy to say "its my wedding and whoever I invite is coming, whoever I don't isnt" I was the same but we had people complaining at us "what do you mean my 3 kids who run round riot and moan all the time can't come?". I don't like my BIL's gf and said point blank she wasnt coming as no one likes her and she's caused loads of trouble for us, BIL refused to come unless she could come (which I think is tantamount to blackmail) - and they didnt even get us a card.
your niece is bang out of order and deleting you shows how immature she is as it doesnt even give you a chance to explain. on the plus side, it does give you a solid reason not to invite her now!

sorry you're having a hard time, unfortunately this does seem to be a common kind of thread on here, I had one similar when I was getting married - these people show themselves for who they are, and everyone comes to think badly of them not you.