Really upset now - need to vent.

codemonkey

I need to vent in a safe place.

Our wedding planning was going fine until we started inviting people. After hassles with my brother being a total smeghead and trying to bully me into inviting someone I don't want to, and cousins I only invited to be nice, umming and ahhhing about coming, what I did not need was my mother telling me that I've upset yet another set of cousins, and defending my brother. Apparently a 51 year old man has no free will and has obviously been put up to it by someone.

To add insult to injury I got a call from the registrar today to ask for more details on my job - apparently systems developer isn't a clear enough job title for them,o ask for copies of the readings (could they not have asked for those with the paperwork !!!!!!) and to tell me that the fees I've paid have gone up. I paid the exact fees on the sheet that they sent me, so now i need to pay them £1!!!! How mental is that?

I've got my first dress fitting in a week and all the stress of getting all this stuff sorted out, not to mention the fact that all my team have gone on holiday or are off sick so I'm having to sort every problem and can't have a day off myself, means that my IBS has flared up, my tummy measures the same as it did before I started killing myself in the gym one !!!!in year ago means that it's just all rubbish.

I actually cried earlier and got mascara all over H2Bs favourite t-shirt. Ooops.

...And breathe.

Poppleminster

Hiya, Sounds like you're having a naff week! Weddings are a pain in the !!!! for guests. If your mum kicks off about your poor darling brother or cousins, just tell her she's lucky you are not me. I am a cow. I am not inviting partners that I do not know, children that I do not know or any relatives that have not made any effort to stay in touch with me personally over the years. My guest list is strictly down to 45 and every one of those will be someone I know personally and like. She might just realise how ameniable you are being then!

I made the decision ages ago with my h2b that no matter how much people whinge - do we really care in the grand scheme of things? I'd rather spend more money providing real treats for those we love than spend a nut feeding and fussing over people we are being polite to. It was a hard decision but I do not regret it at all. It means I have a higher budget to do all the little things i've always wanted to and I get only people I know in my photos.

I recommend my approach in the long run to anybody but I wholeheartedly feel for anyone who gets hassle from family. My reply to any interfereing relative or friend is that it's your wedding. Not a circus or showing off event but your solemn promise to the man you love, it's intimate and deeply personal so unless the people not invited are upset because they are so close to you they feel they really need to share that promise - tough.

Big huggly. I hope that makes you chuckle. I am a moody cow over it all! xxxx

codemonkey

I know you're right popple. It's just difficult to keep it all in perspective when I'm stressed at work, and then getting it from relatives. I didn't think it would be like this.

And I have the same policy as you, which is why my brother threw a tantrum, because I didn't invite his son who I have seen or 15 minutes in the last 15 years to the day. I kind of wish my mum would just not tell me when yet another person complains.

Plus, I'm stressed about lack of invites again. Grrrr.

How do I calm down???

bettyB_2

ah code, sound like ur having a hard time. maybe tell your mum that telling you who is upset is not actually going to change your mind about your guest list, and is actually upsetting you, so she just needs to accept that the guest list is final and to stop mentioning it! the thing is, people seem to think that your wedding day is a day 'for everyone' but it's not, it's your day and your money, so long as you and OH have exactly what you want then that's all that matters.

sorry to hear ur having a hard time at work too why not treat yourself after work one day to a long soak in a hot bath, a face mask, a pedicure, etc, anything to make you feel a bit more relaxed and forget the stress if only for one evening....

johannalf88

So sorry to hear all this Code! I really feel for you, must be awful. I would just tell my mum I don't want to hear it if she brings something like that up again. If a guest has a problem they will have to come to me! Then if they do tell them to get stuffed! I would say in the 'nicest possible way', but I think I would use the word 'tough'!

To calm down u could have an away at home night/day/weekend. Turn off the phone, not talk weddings etc. Just run a bath, buy a cheap facial and magazine n enjoy! Could watch a funny movie, as laughing is meant to releave tension. Bribe OH to cook u a nice healthy dinner, and give u a massage! If u can get all of the above, (maybe put a visit to the sauna in somewhere!) that sounds like a good weekend!

johannalf88

Crossed post Betty! Great minds and all that!

codemonkey

johannalf88 wrote: »

So sorry to hear all this Code! I really feel for you, must be awful. I would just tell my mum I don't want to hear it if she brings something like that up again. If a guest has a problem they will have to come to me! Then if they do tell them to get stuffed! I would say in the 'nicest possible way', but I think I would use the word 'tough'!

To calm down u could have an away at home night/day/weekend. Turn off the phone, not talk weddings etc. Just run a bath, buy a cheap facial and magazine n enjoy! Could watch a funny movie, as laughing is meant to releave tension. Bribe OH to cook u a nice healthy dinner, and give u a massage! If u can get all of the above, (maybe put a visit to the sauna in somewhere!) that sounds like a good weekend!

haha that's cheered me up. H2B's cooking is pretty much limited to oven pizza, kievs and pasta bake :rotfl::rotfl:

I think you guys are right. I just need to chill and have a relaxing weekend.

White_Sapphire

codemonkey wrote: »

haha that's cheered me up. H2B's cooking is pretty much limited to oven pizza, kievs and pasta bake :rotfl::rotfl:

I think you guys are right. I just need to chill and have a relaxing weekend.

Oven pizza's the easiest to eat in the bath, so I'd go for that if I were you.

codemonkey

and just as I start to calm down, it all kicks off again.

johannalf88

Oh dear! Maybe an unhealthy meal! Just have an easy weekend!

Sagz_2

Bet eloping sounds good around about now OP