Onion carbonara and other stories

rupe34

well done for coming back!:T:T:T

Itsadogslife_2

Hi Mollusc, well done on coming back

It seems like the new year has had a good start for you. Looking forward to hearing more about it :cool:

the_mollusk

hello diary! :wave:

(indecisive? me? flaky?? me??!)

i started a new DFD the other day but it just didn't feel right, and after spending this morning having a thorough browse of the forums, which are as amazing and inspirational as ever, i've decided to abandon the new diary and come back to my old one. after all, i'm still the same person and still very much on the same journey!

for continuity, i'll summarise what i waffled on about in my last (new-but-now-abandoned-DFD) post thus:

the job in which i was ridiculously overworked and underappreciated ended, and i grabbed the opportunity to change my career and start working for myself, doing something i love. i no longer feel the heavy burden of the horrible, oppressive stress i felt at work and that spilled over into all areas of my life for so many years. this is a huge deal for me. i'm freeee!

i'm also marriiiieeeed! we've been through a right old rollercoaster but for the time being it's all good DH has become much more responsible than he was a few years ago and is doing brilliantly with paying off his debts. (we keep our money separate cos of the individual messes we got ourselves into!) and we've moved to sunny leeds and settled right in. (from the south of france. not sunny at all there...)

BUT... all this positivity is tainted by my stupid debts, which i thought i was managing, but i had a good look at them last week and realised they're actually greater now than they were at my LBM in 2011. :wall: i think this is down to a few big spends, rather than lots of little spends (as was the case before) - our wedding, having to buy a car, a tax panic... each time i used my credit card, thinking i'd pay back the extra i used, but never quite got round to it

sigh.

SO, here i am, same old diary, same old debts, but with new clarity and fresh determination. and i still love onion carbonara

dawnybabes

Welcome back x

Tete_en_l'Air

Bonjour! Nice to see you back! Looking forward to following you on your journey once more

the_mollusk

hello! thanks both! :wave:

gosh, what a few days it's been. i thought i wasn't having another lightbulb moment, more that my lightbulb had just got brighter and was illuminating more of the mess i'd got myself into.

but then on friday it hit me. a whole new lightbulb went on, good and proper, and brighter than ever. boy oh boy was that a scary and depressing moment. it was somehow different from realising exactly how big my debts were (when i posted last), which made me feel disappointed that i'd let myself slip back into old habits, but i've known for ages that i'm in debt and hey, let's just carry on trying to pay them off. but then on friday, i felt stunned and scared when i realised i didn't have a clue how on earth i was going to get out of this. i've been in a situation that's getting steadily worse for 15 years. not only that but i want to start a family (tick tock...), buy a house, go on holiday, and do a million things that i realised i have no hope of doing responsibly until i clear a huge chunk of this debt.

the frustrating thing is (well, i mean it's good, but stupid) that i've never been in trouble for my debts. i've always just about managed to pay the minimum, just about on time, even if it meant juggling balances round my credit cards occasionally and calling up the companies to beg a bit. but that means i've bumbled along happily and ended up getting myself TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS IN DEBT (capitals necessary). how does that even happen?!? the banks/credit card companies shouldn't allow it!! (i realise i'm stating the obvious here, and that things are changing, and that there are people in much worse situations than me who've been rinsed by credit card companies and payday loans and worse... but as i said, i had a right old LBM this week )

well... helped by a chat with my bestest friend in the world, and some booze, and these forums, i didn't jump off any bridges, and happened across a few references to YNAB. so i looked into this on saturday... spent most of the day reading about it... got the free trial... and have spent *all day* playing with it today and going through my finances with the finest-toothed comb EVER. in all the budgets i've made (and there are many) i've never actually done that - i've basically just guessed how much i might spend on something. this time i looked at every single transaction i made over the last 12 months _pale_, categorised everything, added those categories to ynab, and i now (hopefully) have a much better idea how i spend my money, and where to aim the few pounds i have available so that i STOP using my credit cards once and for all.

i did a ynab webinar and everything! i love the way they teach you money management philosophy in addition to having a really user-friendly budget interface thingy. i was one step away from calling a debt helpline but this seems to have done exactly what i wanted, which is have someone hold my hand and tell me what to do.

except that i realised i have no available money to even put in my budget at the moment but hey. one last bit of debt-juggling till payday and then i can start prioritising the small amount of money i will have. i'm already thinking about it differently, and in a more organised way than before, so here's hoping this one's the charm. :beer:

time for bed. mentally and emotionally exhausted, but certainly feeling a bit more positive than i was on black (lightbulb-lit) friday.