Seperating from husband - advice on benefits, tax credits, etc

anonyhousemouse

I posted under this username some time ago in November on the run up to when I was about to tackle my husband with his innapropriate behaviour towards another woman. (Many of you were extremely helpful and supportive and for that I am eternally grateful - thank you very much).

Anyway, things trundled along and simply didn't get any better. Things got worse.

So following a lengthy discussion over the weekend we have decided to seperate. Neither of us can afford to move out and I am neither in a position to nor willing to at this stage as our young child is due to start school for the first time in Sept (we are walking distance from her school and I am very reluctant to now have to try and struggle to get her to another school when it was our first choice school in the first instance). There are zero alternatives as he is unwilling (unable financially) to move out either.

So my questions are this:

1) We have been essentially living seperate lives since November when I confronted him with my evidence for his wrong-doing. Keeping things together in front of our child but thats about all. Sleeping in seperate bedrooms. We'd cook tea for one another but thats about all. He moved all his stuff out of "our" bedroom into "his" room.

2) Now we've made it "official" between us rather than just muddling along without really saying anything about the way we've been living, where does that leave me?
I was originally claiming child tax credit but due to an overpayment some time ago (don't ask me how - one of the complexities of the system it seems as I have no idea how it happened but disputing it didn't work so I've basically not had a penny off them for over 12 months now). If memory serves me right the "overpayment" will be clear in November of this year. What would I say if I rang them to explain we're seperated? Does it mean anything to them when hes still living in the same house? We're not divorcing yet (going to see if its the way to go after the shock of seeing how seperation itself works).

In an ideal world I'd win the lottery and then we could seperate "properly" but at the moment its simply not possible, likewise, we want to try and keep things as "normal" as possible til our young child is settled into the school routine.

3) Are there any other benefits I could look in to now we're seperated? For example, I've never been eligible for working tax credit as his wage was fractionally over the allowance for our combined income but could I now claim that due to my part time wage? (£6499/annum). Again though, I don't know how it works that we're still living under the same roof? I can't get my head around it. Help.

Emmzi

you don't have to be having sex for the enefits folk to treat you as a couple. Joint meals, laundry, tv, whatever, all count. some people are "couples" and don't even live together.

I think he can probably afford a room somewhere for now (not a whole flat) until you decide what you are doing. But in honesty you don't sound sure yet. Relate, first, maybe?

anonyhousemouse

Thats the thing, I don't know how the tax people will classify it really. I'm a bit dumbfounded by it, I have never known anyone go through something anything quite like this before so I don't know where I stand.

At the moment, I feel seperation is the way forward rather than trying to get ourselves back together with any kind of counselling. I honestly feel like we've just gone too far for that. I feel relieved for making the decision during our chat over the weekend (it was me that suggested seperating but he totally agreed).

I feel like a truly seperated person but just with the financial implications over not being in a position to totally seperate with regards to our address.

dseventy

I also agree it sounds like you are not "there yet" with regards to divorce , more time is needed or counselling?

You can't claim "single" benefits yet as you are in the same house.

Are you sure he can't afford to rent a room in a shared house?

D70

dseventy

anonyhousemouse wrote: »

I feel like a truly seperated person but just with the financial implications over not being in a position to totally seperate with regards to our address.

the problem you have is that the state (read tax credits, HMRC etc) don't recognise the quasi single status you have now.

Its reasonable to assume that 2 people who live together, have a child together, have been in a relationship together, have bills sent to the addres (and no doubt some joint), ARE together.

People can't legislate against ("well we live together, but we are seperate") scenario.

D70

anonyhousemouse

He certainly couldn't afford to move out and also pay any kind of maintenance towards me and the little 'un.

The other big reason why he is not moving out at this stage is to try and keep things as "normal" as possible for our child who is due to start school soon.

If he was to move out, I can't afford to keep this house on my income so I would have to put in for either a council house or find a dirt-cheap property somewhere but both of those options aren't possible immediately due to the school place we've got - there are no council houses at all in the catchment area of the school we've got a place at and mid-way through the summer holidays is an impossible time to get another place at another school.

I feel the seperation will be a permanent thing. I can't see us ever getting back together as a couple.

[Deleted User]

Are you renting or buying your home?

dafyguy

dseventy wrote: »

the problem you have is that the state (read tax credits, HMRC etc) don't recognise the quasi single status you have now.

Its reasonable to assume that 2 people who live together, have a child together, have been in a relationship together, have bills sent to the addres (and no doubt some joint), ARE together.

People can't legislate against ("well we live together, but we are seperate") scenario.

D70

Not quite correct. Many years ago the government accepted that separated couples that still live under the same roof can and were treated as two single people.

This used to be called 'MWLA' - Married woman but living apart.

In essence this meant that the government had a procedure, not withstanding the physical presence of the husband, they were legally entitled to their own single tax reliefs benefits etc. The only thing that they had to do was to obtain a 'Deed of Separation'.

This went on for years until some bright spark decided to try his luck and claim it yet they were still very clearly a couple!

Once again the minority spoilt it for the majority as there was an explosion of 'legally separated' couples, still living together, claiming all manner of advantageous benefits.

The government then redefined the 'couple' and now we have the entire oposite - having to prove that there is absolutely no connection between them.

Sorry, but those greedy b*****s ruined it for the rest of the genuine claimants.

[Deleted User]

If a couple have been living together and managing to share finances and are going to continue to do so why the need to claim? Without bringing out the usual debates it is cheaper for 2 people to live together.

viktory

anonyhousemouse wrote: »

The other big reason why he is not moving out at this stage is to try and keep things as "normal" as possible for our child who is due to start school soon.

Nice ideal but are you intending keeping this front up until your child is 18?? You say that you view this separation as being permanent so really you need to move forward with it immediately. At the moment you are all in a kind of no mans land - not good for anyone.

anonyhousemouse

Deleted_User wrote: »

Are you renting or buying your home?

We're buying it.

Sounds about right dafyguy, doesn't surprise me at all but glad its been confirmed.

The reason I'm curious about what I might be entitled to is just because I know that the discussion over splitting the bills literally 50/50 down the middle will come soon and rightly so - but in that case, I'm out on a limb as with my part time wage it is something I can't afford. I've always paid the gas/electric and for the majority of home maintenance (this house has cost me nearly £10K in work so far and its still no where near complete!!) and also all the shopping for food and everything for our daughter.

So on top of that, I then can't afford 50% of the mortgage, council tax, TV, broadband, water, etc, etc too.... hence in my case, I wouldn't be better off still claiming tax credits as a couple as he has his full time income to pay for the bills with, I only have my part time income to pay for them with. So thats why I was curious as to where I stood legally/with the likes of tax credits, etc, etc. as I was better off before than I will be now we're seperated.