Have an adventure in August with the NSD challenge

pinkfluffybabe

NSD No13 to report :j

ms_night_ryder

at long last, nsd number 3 today, bought lunch in breakfast of watermelon and some biscuits bought yest

cw18

I know this is totally off-topic (and long), but I could really do with some impartial input to the dilema I'm in with rehoming my dog

I currently have a Dalmatian - he was 8 in March, and was coming up for 2 when we took him in as a rescue dog in Dec 2004 (had never been mistreated).

When he came to live with us he joined a household of 4 people - myself, my husband, and my 2 sons (then rising 16 and 13.5)

In December 2005 my elder son moved out, in November of 2008 my husband passed away, and in September of last year my younger son moved out for Uni (he now lives with my parents and doesn't even come back during the holidays).

In the time he's been with us, I was always the one responsible for feeding him and taking him to the vets (and paying for everything for him), but did very little walking of him until my husband was diagnosed with cancer in Jan 2007. I then did most of the dog walking, but son was made to do it on days he wasn't at school/college.

He's definitely a bloke's dog though, and has no recall with me which means (coupled with how unpredictable he is around other dogs when with me - and only when with just me) I can never let him off the lead.

About 15 months ago I realised I wasn't going to be able to give him the time he needed once my son moved out - and finances were also going to be stretched to the limit as he's on a special diet which costs the best part of £50/month.... never mind the routine worming, flea treatment and boosters - nor the thought of an unexpected (and large) vets bill.

So in July of last year I contacted a Dalmatian Rescue organisation, who also help rehome pets that can no longer be coped with. At the time I was told they had more dogs and less potential new homes on their books than ever before, so rather than coming to assess him then they'd do it when they thought they might have someone interested in taking him.

13 days ago a local rep came to assess him, so I knew this meant I was likely to hear something in the short term.

On Monday morning I got a call to say they do indeed have a potential new home for him - but it wasn't until then that I realised it isn't common practise for the current owner to meet the potential new one. The lady asked if this was an issue for me, and I confirmed it was..... all I want to do is see them together for a short while, and am quite happy with it being on neutral territory while their rep is there (the norm would be for their rep to collect the dog from me and take him to meet the person who's interested - which in this case I know means the person travelling into the area so won't be anywhere near his home).

She said she'd speak to the other person, but as he'd also made an unusual request (would like to 'borrow' the dog for a few days to see what his temperament is like on the new home ground) which I was more than happy to agree to I thought I had the upper hand.

Got a call back tonight. I don't know if the other person has even been asked, 'cos the head of the organisation has stated that their rules clearly don't allow this kind of meeting - and there's no way they'll budge on it even if both parties are happy. I pointed out that it's not as if I know where the dog will be going, nor (with him being from out of the area) am I likely to see the other person around to be able to follow him home to find out where 'my' dog is.....

The woman I'm speaking to said she'd feel exactly the same, but it's not allowed and if I want to go ahead with rehoming my dog through them I have to accept it'll not happen.

I know that letting the dog go to someone who can give him the time and attention he needs is the right thing for the dog, but both my lads have stated they'll not talk to me again if I let him go.

The elder lad came round when I pointed out that I'd have to have the dog put down if I were faced with a large vets bill - even if the treatment would almost 100% guarantee a cure - but it was hard work getting him to that point.

It's harder with my younger son, as the dog was his comfort blanket and confidant when my hubby was ill - but he seemed happier that I was doing it through these people than via a 'free to good home' advert in a local paper.

However I know they both expected me to meet the new owner - and when I tell them I can't I know they'll both kick off again. I really don't need that on top of my own hesitation about letting him go to someone I've never seen him interact with

So I now don't know what to do, but I do know my choices are

a) let the local rep pick the dog up (I need to find his KC papers and vaccination record first, which will take me a few days as I'm not good at keeping them to hand) and wash my hands of the dog

or

b) struggle on with finding the time and money to keep him here while exploring other options for rehoming him. and that leads to more problems as I don't know of any other method other than the advert in a paper, and I'm not happy to let him go to someone who's history with animals I have no idea on (the prospective new owner has been vetted by the organisation in terms of having the time for a dalmation and being able to afford to look after one properly - plus I do know he's owned a Dalmatian before, so knows what to expect in terms of their typical behaviour)

or

c) resign myself to having him for potentially another 7 or 8 years - which ties me to the house, and leaves me strapped for cash to do things even if I could get time out. certainly won't be able to get a holiday while I still have him - couldn't afford it even if I could get a free dog-sitter, as I don't have any money left over after bills, routine house maintainance and an odd treat for myself. it nearly broke the bank balance just to have 2 nights b&b in York a few months ago while elder son looked after the dog.


My head (and bank balance) says I should go for the first option, but (despite not feeling any real attachment to the dog as it was the menfolk wanted him rather than me) my heart is telling me I can't do it without meeting the other person.


I've tried making a list of 'for' and 'against' and it basically comes down as

'for'
cash freed up for the ever increasing bills
hopefully a bit of spare cash
more free time
being able to do things (such as visiting friends/family) on the spur of the moment without having to worry about the dog
the possibility of getting a holiday (have the option of a family place for just the cost of utilities, but the family who own it won't allow anyone to take a pet of any type)
knowing the dog will get the time and attention he needs and deserves

'against'
a feeling of guilt at not seeing them together in case it doesn't work out.
when they collect the dog I have to sign him over to the organisation, and he legally belongs to them after then... the new 'owner' is never the legal owner, and if he/she/they can't cope at any time in the future the dog has to be returned to the organistion - which can mean the animal spending months in kennels while they try and find another home (and my dog's never been in kennels).



I guess I'm going to have to discuss it with all my kids, though I don't expect my daughter to have a problem with whatever I decide as she knows how things are stacked up for me here. I also know that it's not my boys have to find the time and money involved in keeping him (as I bluntly pointed out to them when they first objected), but I did promise to keep them in the loop and informed...... and I know they'll want a chance to say goodbye if I do let him go.


Just in a complete muddle (and trying to stay away from the cake/chocolate) at the moment

Learning2Budget

NSD 9, 4th day on the trot, I'm on a roll! Feeling bit rough today, so bd in a min for me.x

TizerCat

Managed Number 8 on Monday but had a spendy time yesterday (vets bill for pony £179 :eek: and fence posts for dog proofing allotment £64 ) and today Ibruprofen for sore back and some shopping for quickie dinners as back hurt too much to stand and cook anything

Will try my bestest to get no 9 tomorrow - promise!

Have just read your post CW18 I do feel for you! ((((Hugs)))) My personal view is if you are struggling then you need to trust the rehoming people's decision on the new owner and let your dog go, I could be the best for the both of you. If your boys really don't want him to be rehomed then between them they could contribute to his costs and help you out. If you did decide to keep him though have you thought of advertising for a dog walker/foster parent through your vet? I have seen similar adverts for people who are out at work all day and want someone to share the dog walking. Lots of dog lovers can't own one for one reason or another but would still enjoy regular walks with a dog for company? Anyhow it's just a thought - good luck with what you decide - you will make the right decision:)

beanielou

Cheryl~I think that you have to do what is best for you.
I think that is having the dog rehomed.
I think that it is ok to let the charity do their job as that is what they are used to.
Just my thoughts.

butdoineedit?

solventsoon wrote: »

Now come on BDINI, you know there are no secrets here:D.. you can't tell us half a story:D:p

jintyb wrote: »

Quiet, quiet? Now, now BDINI, it's US you're talking to here! We need a little detail please madam!
Like, WHO, WHAT, HOW, WHERE?? heh, heh!

Ok, ok Jinty, please stop shining that light in my eyes.... & as for the water torture, think of the water meter ha ha!!
He's a friend of a couple i met when i first moved up here, they are probably some of the closest friends i have now. I've known him for quite a while on a casual basis as we often do things as a group with some of their other friends (who are all lovely!), & more recently we have been chatting by text or on FB & decided that we should go out alone to get to know each other a bit better.
Friday is that time, he's made a few veiled comments about a relationship, so although the "D" word hasn't actually been used, i am assuming it's our first date!!

Woohoo feel like a teenager again, but also immensely relieved that i finally seem to have put ex behind me enough to be really looking forward to this, even if it doesn't work out it will be nice to get some practise in!

beanielou wrote: »

Its a no.

I'm really sorry to hear that Beanie, you must both be gutted, but i genuinely feel that things happen for a reason & i will be keeping my fingers crossed that there is something even better for him just round the corner!

Welcome to the challenge squeeeek, we're all slightly mad, but very friendly, so good luck with your target & feel free to join in the general chit chat any time!!

Oh yes & it's number 8 for me today, really wanted to buy something new for Friday, but resisted by reminding myself it's not my outfit he's taking for a drink & that i have loads of lovely clothes, followed by duly trying on every item i own in a bid to decide what to wear :rotfl:

butdoineedit?

Cheryl, i agree with beanie.

I guess it is hard not to worry, but i am sure that the charity are thorough, especially as they get the dog back if it doesn't work out, i could be wrong but i kind of think that might make them more careful as they have such a vested interest in the re-homing being a success.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but i also think that you have to put yourself before the boys, as you say it is you that has all the responsibility & cost, & certainly with youngest he can't physically be around whilst at uni to help out, i understand the emotional attachment they have, but you have been through a tough time too & have to take your needs into account.

I think your gut will ultimately tell you what you need to do, but i certainly think that if that turns out not to be meeting the owner & letting doggy go anyway, then you would have nothing to feel bad about & really shouldn't let other peoples opinions tell you otherwise.

Hope that helps in some way, but good luck & ((((((((big hugs)))))))), whatever you decide to do.

cw18

jintyb wrote: »

Hold it lady!


Quiet, quiet? Now, now BDINI, it's US you're talking to here! We need a little detail please madam!
Like, WHO, WHAT, HOW, WHERE?? heh, heh!

I thought sharing such details was mandatory on here !!!!!

and heaven knows, I've shared enough

kerri_gt

Hi Cheryl, I can only really echo what the others have said. I can understand how uneasy you feel about potentially letting dog go to someone you've never met but the organisation obviously has reasons why that rule is in place and I guess even though you know your reasons, they've prob had their fingers burned in the past by bending the rules. One 'positive' about the organisation having ownership is that if (and it's a big if) things don't work out with this other guy, they will be a safety net to dog being rehomed (not something ideal I know but sometimes these things do happen - I'm just being realistic).

If you can't give the dog the emotional, or financial commitment he needs (thought no fault of your own) then the most loving thing I personally think you can do is let him go to this other guy. Your boys will get over it, and being blunt, it's all very well for them to kick up a fuss like petulant children (and believe me I do understand a bit of how youngest is feeling - been there as a child myself) but neither of them is able or willing to actually do what is practically needed for the dog - sometimes in life we do have to make decisions putting other people or animals first, and they need to realise that is what you are doing your best to do.

Whatever you do decide, you know we'll be supportive of your decision xx