Help,Husband leaving me with debt !!

elizlin

I'll get to the point my Husband is leaving me and our 3 children,we have a £74,000 mortgage (joint names)(house value £90,000) which he says will keep on paying and he will pay child maintenance.The problem is I have loans,credit cards and catalogue debts all in MY name (Balance £36,000) which he says has nothing to do with him even though the money was used on the family eg car insurance, holidays and even food.
I work part-time and only earn £150 a week which I use to pay the all the debts,so we have been living on my husbands income alone,it was a struggle to start of with but I don't know what I am going to do when he leaves, I can't afford to pay the bills.
I have been in touch with the national debt helpline which have told me to write to the creditors with an offer I can afford,but I'm scared of them hassaling me for the money.It's hard enough to come to terms with him leaving without having to sort out money issues too.Any help would be appreiciated as I'm desperate.

Mrs_Arcanum

National debtline have put you on the right track. They do a template letter you can send with a token payment which might give you a little breathing space to get your head round things and work out what your income & expenditure is without the debts (so you can see what is realistically left over to pay them off).

However given your level of debt and your share of the house it will not be plain sailing. - Good luck and do keep checking back, the folk here are very supportive and helpful.

pmlindyloo

I know you must be feeling totally 'up in the air' but you need to know what your finances will be like when your husband leaves.

You may be entitled to some benefits (try putting figures into www.entitledto.com on their benefit checker - this will give you a rough idea)

Try to write down all your outgoings. Then you will have an idea of how much you have left each month for your debts.

These figures will then form the basis for any future decisions about your debts.

I think I would visit CAB who should help you with your relationship breakdown, your benefits and suggest options for dealing with your debts. Take as much information with you as possible. Your P60, your payslip, Council Tax payments, etc etc any details re: child benefit, tax credits

In the meantime I would definitely send a letter from the National Debtline web site

http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/debt_advice.php#6

Click on the white bar and you will see all the different letters - choose the most suitable one and send to your creditors. At least then they will know that you are having financial difficulties and are seeking help.

This must be an awful time for you but hang in there it can be sorted. You will have options.

Gigglepig

Sorry to hear that your husband is leaving. How long have you been married? Unless it is a very short marriage, or you had a prenup, is there a reason why you would not pool all the debts and assets and split them if you divorce?

elizlin

Thanks for all you replies,we have been married 18 yrs and no there was no pre-nup,I haven't looked at it legally yet,I'm still in shock that he is leaving.I'm more in a state of panic at the moment,just knowing that all the debts are in my name.My priority are my children I want to make sure we have a roof over heads(what if he doesn't pay the mortgage),which deep down I think the only way out of this is to sell the house and hopefully pay some of the debts off,but I really don't want to do that as I live near my parents (which are very supportive) and an elderly aunt whom I'm a carer for(hence my job).

RAS

Hi

When it comes to the financial settlement, you need to present to the court that your debts were debts of the marriage not for purely personal benefit. The judge may well insist that you husband pays some of this off.

You need to claim for CT benefit, working tax credit, child tax credit and mortgage support.

Can you change the mortgage to interest only for a while? Cl

I suspect that with your joint net assets being a deficit, it may be better to sell up and rent.

But in the short-term, stay put until the divorce settlement.

clearingout

I think the first thing you need to do is not panic! Easier said than done, I know. You then need to pick up the phone to the tax credit people and declare yourself a single parent as that will have a dramatic affect on your income. Your Council Tax will be reduced by 25% if you let them know you're the only adult in the house and it is also possible that you will be entitled to some benefit towards the remainder of the cost.

From the debt point of view, get together receipts, statements etc. as you will need these further down the line to prove that you didn't spend the money on handbags and designer shoes but on things that the whole family has benefiited from - including food! Once solicitors get involved, they will advise you and your husband to attend mediation with a third party to help you thrash out an agreement on the financial side of things or if you can't agree, a judge will decide for you. Assuming the children are staying with you, I think you can be assured that no judge or mediator will suggest that you take on all the debt if you have proof of what it was spent on - try not to worry.

In the meantime, have a look at https://www.wikivorce.com as there is a lot of help and support there for people going through separation and divorce - from all perspectives, legal, emotional, financial - which is really helpful.

Look after yourself - it will feel like the end of the world right now but there are plenty of us around to assure you that there is life on the other side of this.

elizlin

Thankyou again for your replies,the problem is he says he's leaving but has not left yet.His sister has said he can stay with her for now so I don't know what is stopping him.He's the one that says he doesn't love me anymore and wants to do what he wants when he wants (like a single person).There has been rumours going around that he is having an affair,the only evidence I have of that is that I've seen him with another mobile phone(not his usual one),yet when I confronted him he denied at first,then admitted he did have another phone but not anymore,adding it was not any of my business anyway.
He says he's going to open a new bank account to get his wages paid into that,that is really scaring me as I won't have any money,while he's still here.
Can i claim these benefits if he hasn't gone?
My heads in a mess,I'm putting a brave face on for the kids,my eldest is 17 yrs old and is very supportive of me (he's my rock)as he has witnessed how mean and selfish his father has been to us.
Please keep your replies coming as I feel,at least there are people out there who understand.

RAS

Hi

Do you have joint bank and savings accounts? Any?

Do you get the child benefit paid to you?

elizlin

Yes we do have a joint account,but no savings.
I have my own account which my wages,child benefit and the small amount of child tax credit I get paid into it,and where all the direct debits for the loans and credit card are set up.

RAS

How much is in the joint account? is it in credit?