Lending girlfriends money - good idea?

clu

My boyfriend and I are in similar situations as in he is a student and i work full time and if I was in your shoes I probably would take on his debt, but that is against the ethos of this forum!

If you regard her as a common law partner and you are committed to a life together and if it is a manageable debt then its just like you supporting her through uni, if you were husband and wife it would be your debt anyhow.

I think you would just have to make clear the rules as to what you expectwith regards to how much she should contribute (and not cast it up in every argument for the next 50 years)

greyster

Thanks for your post clu.

I'm going to have a think about it. So far I think some of the problem is not fully knowing her outgoings and not having estimated her debt at the end of the degree.

Getting a better picture will probably not be a fun task i.e. sitting down together infront of MS Excel, neither will be discussing a repayment plan

I wish she would do some budgeting. I spent an hour infront of Excel before doing my MSc and it sorted me out for the entire year!!!

Loafer

clu wrote:

My boyfriend and I are in similar situations as in he is a student and i work full time and if I was in your shoes I probably would take on his debt,

Wanna dump him and go out with me???? :rotfl: :rotfl:


Its a hard call cos you are thinking logically and I am sure your decision will be based on that. Her acceptance of a decision not in her immediate favour might not be so good.

You could agree to take on a portion of the debt to see if she manages her repayments with you with the intention of taking on more at a later date.

conradmum

greyster wrote:

There is no pressure for me to take on the debt. She did say she can sort herself out. Therefore I dont see it irresponsible that she suggested it in a no obligatory kind of way (as she has done before) ... but the fact she is quite happy to let interest roll up should a) she not find another means or b) I dont help her. I live with her and I have to see her struggle with this kind of stuff which at the end of the day affects me too whether I help her or not.

Fair enough, but be careful. These boards contain many tales of people who've been saddled with other people's debts. While it isn't very romantic I would get something in writing that she acknowledges the debt is hers and promises to pay you back.
I've been stung through living with someone who couldn't control their spending and it hurts!

Lil2002

It sounds to me as if you two need a talk about how you view debt. It's obviously a priority for you to get rid of your debt, but a couple of the things you mentioned (gf is not worried about when 0% finishes, you wishing she would budget more), makes it seem as if you two have quite different ideas about money/saving money.

I would need to know we were on the same page before committing to take on someone elses debts. Can't just bail her out, if it's possible she's going to go right back into the same situation, just because she wont budget.

[Deleted User]

Last year (woh, it's 2007 now) I lent my gf a bit over a thousand pounds, in order for her to pay for her holiday. I did this on the basis of her setting up a standing order BEFORE we left to pay me back gradually over the year.

Money can get in the way of relationships and I would not lend anyone money without a managed way for them to pay me back.

nomoneytoday

If you do lend her the money, get something in writing acknowledging the debt. Then if it goes belly up at least you have some proof / recourse.

november

clu wrote:

My boyfriend and I are in similar situations as in he is a student and i work full time and if I was in your shoes I probably would take on his debt, but that is against the ethos of this forum!

If you regard her as a common law partner and you are committed to a life together and if it is a manageable debt then its just like you supporting her through uni, if you were husband and wife it would be your debt anyhow.

I'm with clu. My first thought was I wouldn't lend a boyfriend money. However I then read you lived together and I would share my finances with a partner/husband.

I think you need to discuss not just the debt but how your financial partnership works. When did she incur the debt and on what? Some couples like to keep finances separate. Personally I consider 'what is mine is his etc and visa versa' as we are together for the long haul. That means we have a joint budget with equal amounts of 'spending' money. This is despite the fact that I have debt (from being a mature student and a skint lone parent period) and that I now earn more than him. We are now married but we worked it the same before we were. I couldn't live with someone who had more to spend than I did or visa versa.

We have juggled some of ours (mine technically) about to get the best 0% because it is no longer my debt it is ours. It all comes out of the same budget. There is no question of my 'paying it back' to him because its not his/my money its ours. Also due to the 'swings and roundabouts' of our household finances (credits and debits) I don't feel indebted.

So for me its not just about the debt, its about how you run your household finances and the financial side of your partnership. Plus to be honest obviously the status of your relationship is important - is it a long term commited relationship*. So to me taking it on could be within the ethos of this site if it means as a couple/household you benefit from the best moneysaving.

* I know people split up and people can get 'landed in it' which is why couples need to discuss finances rather than do things blindly and I never loan money that I need back or that I am not prepared to give. I'm not saying throw money at people who squander it whether you love them or not but IMHO one of the great things about moneysaving is when you can help someone who, due to no fault of their own, needs assistance through a temporary life 'blip'. In fact thats even moneysaving because if you e.g. help family you trust out they will help you out and it saves paying interest