Partners ex is now seeing his friend.

SandC

Agree with all the others. Whether the ex is using this guy to get back in the with ex and keep tabs is not neither here nor there. It's fine having amicable splits and being able to be at the same social event as an ex once in a while but double dating? No way.

Explain to the friend that you would rather keep these things separate. I also agree that he should be being a bit more considerate about it than he is. When i read that he'd got in contact to say he was seeing the ex I thought it would be him asking if it was okay and that he would back off if it was in any way awkward. Wrong!

Lotus-eater

SandC wrote: »

When i read that he'd got in contact to say he was seeing the ex I thought it would be him asking if it was okay and that he would back off if it was in any way awkward. Wrong!

He's a grown man and is seeing a woman, who for all you know, he has fallen head over heels for. He doesn't need to ask permission, he was quietly taking his friend to one side and letting him know, which is the best way to do it.
I suspect he didn't plan to fall for his friends ex wife, but these things happen. To accuse him of anything is daft.

make_me_wise

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Before I got with my current partner, I was seeing a lad briefly, nothing too serious but it ended after a few weeks. My ex is now with my "best friend" - or shall we call her ex best friend. I had been told things were going on and confronted her. She denied everything and said it was me being paranoid. I wasn't bothered she was with him just that she was lying to me. In the past she had told me about all her fella's but never mentioned this one. I was very hurt and have not spoken to her in 14 months.

Maybe nothing had been going on and your friend got with your ex, who you had only been seeing a few weeks, when you two had split. Could it be that she didn't talk to you about it because she knew it needed handling sensitively and she wanted to see how their relationship progressed first? Most sensible adults dont go rushing in and telling friends they are with their ex until they are pretty sure how the relationship will pan out. There is no set rule to say these two couldn't get together, he was your ex. Why are you bothered who he gets with next, unless you still have feelings for him!

Seeing as how you describe you have reacted since I can totally understand her holding back. I think maybe she valued your friendship far more than you did and you completely overreacted. Now you have lost a friend in the process. If you dont feel able to talk to her or socialise thats up to you but I think you are making your friend out to be awful uneccesarily.

SandC

Lotus-eater wrote: »

He's a grown man and is seeing a woman, who for all you know, he has fallen head over heels for. He doesn't need to ask permission, he was quietly taking his friend to one side and letting him know, which is the best way to do it.
I suspect he didn't plan to fall for his friends ex wife, but these things happen. To accuse him of anything is daft.

Who's accusing?

Well all I know is that if decided to go out with any friend of mine's ex I would be asking them before the first date if it was okay with them and if not I wouldn't pursue it.

globetraveller

just explain that it would be too awkward to go out with your ex. Tell him you can see him without her though. Also ask your friend to avoid going to places that you are going to- or to at least let you know if there is an event that he would like to attend that you may also have been interested in. That way you can opt not to go. It would actually be doing your friend a favour. If your ex is only with him to get to you then he will soon see this.
If things get awkward then you should consider letting him see the texts she is sending.
Was your friend a friend of your ex before you married her? If so then I can understand why he might be dating her now. But if not, then I would question his friendship TBH.

Lotus-eater

SandC wrote: »

Who's accusing?

Well you were? You said in so many words, that he shouldn't have acted like that as a friend. Or are you not saying that?

Pollycat

I think there's a lot of difference between someone going out with a friend's ex a few weeks after they split up - especially if they'd been together for a long time and the split wasn't the choice of the friend - and someone going out with a friend's ex 3 years after they split up, have got divorced and are happily with another partner, which is the case here.

It's not a case of the OP's partner being upset that his friend is seeing his ex - it's because they thought she (the ex) had backed off the harrassment and can see it possibly starting up again.

make_me_wise

globetraveller wrote: »

just explain that it would be too awkward to go out with your ex. Tell him you can see him without her though. Also ask your friend to avoid going to places that you are going to- or to at least let you know if there is an event that he would like to attend that you may also have been interested in. That way you can opt not to go. It would actually be doing your friend a favour. If your ex is only with him to get to you then he will soon see this.
If things get awkward then you should consider letting him see the texts she is sending.
Was your friend a friend of your ex before you married her? If so then I can understand why he might be dating her now. But if not, then I would question his friendship TBH.

Im confused, are we talking about adult relationships here or childrens? Seriously what a ridiculous way to behave. This sounds like the kind of thing that goes on with the kids in my class; 'I dont like her miss, Im not playing with him miss, shes gone off with my best friend miss'. Talk about putting stupid restrictions on your life just because you cant be grown up enough to be civil to people you once had a relationship with. Beyond childish.

Gavin83

To be honest if a friend of mine told me he was seeing one of my ex's I couldn't continue our friendship, regardless of how good a friend they were. I see it as a massive betrayal and only one step down from sleeping with a current partner.

I literally wouldn't even consider dating a friends ex, let alone asking permission or telling them it had already happened.

SandC

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Well you were? You said in so many words, that he shouldn't have acted like that as a friend. Or are you not saying that?

Fair enough, I did say I thought he was being inconsiderate in his actions.