Separation and financial responsibilities

rme_1978

HI all

This is my first time not sure if im posting in correct place

I have seperated from my partner after 10years together we have 3 children

I moved out of the house with nothing left everything for my children, i still pay 1/2 the morgage and the utility bills, but this means i cant afford to rent so i find myself homeless and sleeping on my parents couch for about 9months now, but i put up with it for my children to have a good home

Cut a long story short we have the following together

Mortgage
Joint loan (House improvements)
Her car Loan in my name only (im an idiot)
Credit Cards in my name only (Joint holiday etc)

My ex has a new partner staying with her now and is now saying she wont pay towards the debts we have built together over the 10years and i dont know what to do, dont want to sell the house as i want my kids to have a good home but also believe i couldnt sell even if i wanted to?

I have thretened to stop paying the mortgage if she stops paying the debts but scared i will loose my share of the house and as i put 30k down deposit when we purchased the house and she put nothing makes me feel sick

I am on a debt management plan and am paying what i can afford but dont want to reduce payment etc to accomidate for ex parters half as i feel she should be paying after all she has everything and i dont mind paying half for my kids but not the full amount (she is getting so smugg about it too:( i havent added the joint loan to the DMP as i didnt want her to have poor credit but if i add to my plan now i need to will she be liable for this?

thanks and sorry to go on a bit
i dont know what she is responsible for hopefully the mortgage and the joint loan

DS4215

If you have left and she has moved someone in then the relationship is over. Half the house is yours (and half hers). If you were not married then why not tell her that you want to financially separate and ask her to buy you out of the house or put it on the market and split the equity after the joint debts have been settled (mortgage and loan). The credit cards you are going to be stuck with and probably the car loan too.

RAS

Are you married or not?

Regardless, stop paying the mortgage and utility bills and put aside 25% of your salary for Child Suppport. Go through the CSA because if she starts a claim and it takes a couple of months for them to contact you, you have to pay the CSA on top of the money you have already given her.

She and her squeeze need to apply for the benefiots to which they are entitled to cover their living costs not bleed you dry.

podperson

Ok, she is responsible for anything with her name on it - so the joint mortgage and the joint debts. However be aware that the creditors will see you both as liable for 100% of the debt - so they can chase either of you for all of it. Regarding the credit cards in your name - I think you might be a bit stuffed there as it would be a lengthy and complicated process to try and prove that she was liable for part of them. Same with the car loan - but does she still have the car?
I think you do need to try and get some specialised advice, maybe try CAB or look for a free initial visit with a solicitor. The mortgage in particular is going to be complicated.

I would definately stop paying half the utilities, she has a new partner living there who I'm sure must be contributing and she will probably have higher benefits which will help her cover this. You can't cover her bills forever, she has to pay her own way - I appreciate you have the children together but you need to either agree a set payment to her to help support them or go through CSA.

fannyanna

Stop paying the car loan. What will they do? Reposess the car?

fannyanna

Also cancel the utility bills that are in your name and stop paying for them. Let her and her new partner pay for them.

RichGold

fannyanna wrote: »

Stop paying the car loan. What will they do? Reposess the car?

I was just about to say that, thats the best idea to start with. Repo that car, sell it then clear the finance.

I agree with the utility bills too. Explain to her that you want to do the best by your kids, but you aren't going to pay for some other bloke to live in what is effectively your house. If he had even a modicum of self worth he would be paying these things already.

rme_1978

First off thank you all for taking time to reply to my mess appreciate very much

I will try and answer all the replies in this post

My ex still has the car and she told me yesterday she has put it or is putting the car in someone else’s name, !!!!!

i have read on the CSA website that if i can prove that we had a loan together before we split and i can prove it was for the family benefit then they will take into account so this may help me if CSA stick to it

We were not married but together very long time

RAS You say to stop paying the mortgage, if i do this will i loose my 50% share
Also does anyone know if we do manage to sell the house is it a 50% split even tho i put 15% deposit down and she put 0%?

I will cancel the utility bills etc today THANK YOU

What really gets me is she is so smug about it all saying to me how good she has it with her wages tax credit family tax and his wages and then my wages to pay half bills etc they must be on about 4k a month, and she keeps saying to me (YOU KNOW IM SITTING PRETTY)

She boils my wee

I’m not trying to get out of paying for anything by your advice but just hate how smug she is, like i said i am classed as homeless at the moment as i have financial interest in our home an therefore cant get help from council and cant afford place of my own cos of my outgoings to high and she has it so good and is just getting plain greedy i would live on my mums sofa for 10 years if it meant my girls had a good secure home, but shes just taking pee now

Thank you all so much again for replying

RAS

rme_1978 wrote: »

RAS You say to stop paying the mortgage, if i do this will i loose my 50% share

Is the property a joint tenancy or a tenants in common?

If joint tenancy read this http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ruling-to-set-legal-precedent-for-cohabiting-couples-rights-2279239.html

Although this is still at final appeal.

Whether you get recognition of the 15% deposit depends on what type of tenancy and what shares were allocated if it is a set up as tenants in common.

jackie_w

rme_1978 wrote: »

My ex still has the car and she told me yesterday she has put it or is putting the car in someone else’s name, !!!!!

I dont think it matters if she puts the car in someone elses name, if you stop paying for the car, I think it can still be repossessed. Someone will correct me on this if im wrong.


What really gets me is she is so smug about it all saying to me how good she has it with her wages tax credit family tax and his wages and then my wages to pay half bills etc they must be on about 4k a month, and she keeps saying to me (YOU KNOW IM SITTING PRETTY)

Does the tax credits people etc know that he is now living with her?

I can understand why you would want to keep paying the mortgage for your children to be secure, but, I would seriously seek legal advice on this or go to citizens advice.

I wouldnt pay any other bills other than the mortgage and see if you can try to get the house sold.

Not sure if there are any other things you can do, but im sure someone with alot more knowledge will be able to advise you.

Hope you get everything sorted.

clearingout

She has a new partner who is living with her. She has moved on emotionally, it is time to move on financially so you can get your own home and have your children over to stay and build a relationship with them independently. I would suggest you consult a solicitor asap - many will do a first free consultation and it is worth asking if you are eligible for legal aid (there is a calculator - have a google to find it!) as you never know. Either she buys you out or the house is sold. You probably will get lumbered with the debt.

It is all very noble sleeping on your mum's settee for the next umpteen years but that doesn't allow you to move on with your life - you are entitled to do that, you do realise that, don't you?! It is not in your children's best interests that they see their father quite literally abused by their mother, screwed over for money, unable to have a proper relationship with you 'cos home is a sofa......you mention you have girls. Do you want them to grow up thinking this is OK? Have a virtual kick up the bum and pull that finger out!

PS Try https://www.wikivorce.com - you don't have to be getting divorced to get help there.