Fed up

Gigglepig

How annoying. Possible ways to approach this:

1) Sit down, agree a list of everything that needs to be done. You may need to lower your standards if there are things he thinks are not necessary, and he may need to step it up. It is all about compromise.
2) Pay a cleaner so the job gets done without arguing about it. Perhaps he'd rather make a bit of extra money to pay for a cleaner than do it himself?
3) Stop enabling his behaviour. Take a 14 day holiday and let him fend for himself. Focus on avoiding a mother-child relationship... if he wants to use a manky old pillow it isn't your problem. If you dislike it, just wash or replace it. If he doesn't cook dinner, you won't have dinner.

londoner1998

Emmzi wrote: »

why are you still making his lunch?

I don;t make his lunch, I made enough for both of us for a couple of days and alternate with other things... I will do as others have advised and prepare salads or sandwiches for myself for the next couple of weeks... he will soon miss Basque food...

McKneff

Can you honestly say you want to spend the rest of your life living like this.

londoner1998

Hello

Update- Last night, after I posted here, he came to me with a cup of tea for me to drink and a multicoloured feather duster in hand ready to tackle the basement staircase among much fanfare... which is his way of saying 'I am sorry, I have been an a**'. Ths morning, I went into the kitchen to see that he was bringing in the laundry from the garden without having been asked!! He left it half- folded, as he had to go to work, but I thought:

A) either he has seen my post and decided it is not worth arguing about this
b) may be as I said at the begining I am a bit 'fried ' and over tired and I over reacted yesterday
c) a mixture of both, plus he has realised it is easier if he both do our bit...

Thank you for all the replies, I am going to try and make a weekly plan (his job can be very unpredictable, which makes it even harder to stick to plans, and he doesn't like that anyway) with tasks divided and also relax a bit, becasue I really don;t like arguing with him...
IN response to the last post, the answer is yes, I do, becasue his other qualities are extremely valuable to me and we have gone thorugh a lot together already- as I said, I am aware that some people might think they would rather have this type of problem instead of drinking, drugs , gambling or infidelity. I guess I just need to be more strategic with him...

londoner1998

ps- I only prepared my packed lunch today... I have no idea what he will do, but hey, that is his problem to deal with when he gets hungry

CH27

If you behave like his mum, he will treat you like his mum.

Stop enabling him to be a slob. Make some ground rules & stick to them.

londoner1998

Thanks CH27- I agree that part of the problem is mine- it is clear that ranting and raving does not work, so it is much better to just set some rules and go with then...we'll see how it goes.

CH27

londoner1998 wrote: »

Thanks CH27- I agree that part of the problem is mine- it is clear that ranting and raving does not work, so it is much better to just set some rules and go with then...we'll see how it goes.

Good luck:)

RacyRed

Have you tried making him responsible for certain rooms in the house? If you take on responsibility for the ones that really matter to you and make him responsible for the ones he mostly uses (you mentioned a basement?) then you can keep the ones you are really bothered about up to your standard and learn to turn a blind eye to the rest.

Don't nag or remind him but don't do his tasks either. If he has friends over and "his" bits of the house are a real mess then peer pressure might have a lot more impact than you could have, expecially if the rooms you look after are clean and tidy, making it obvious that he is the one who is slacking?

Wash but don't fold, iron or put his stuff away, plonk it in his personal space so that it bugs him and not you. If he leaves things lying around, don't put them away but sling them into his area for him to sort out.

Untidy people (and I'm one) don't do it on purpose, we just have other priorities and manage not to feel guilty if someone who has a lower mess tolerance gets on with it and saves us the hassle.

Tygermoth

Posting as the reformed slob in my relationship I thought I would let you know how my neat freak OH brought me round.

1. There is no such thing as nagging. There is only lazy. You were asked to do it and you didn’t… So if I have to ask you to do it again that s not my fault. ITS ALL YOURS. So do not make your problem mine.

2. Little and often is key. If you do a quick tidy down before bed, load the dish washer and washing machine its sets up the next day and only takes seconds. Fly lady is the best! esp as I have a poor attention span.

3 Chore ownership. I know what are my jobs because we have a clearly defined list. If mine are not done he does not do them. (unless there is a blinking good reason)

4 Shopping is done together, with mutualy planned meals. Late night shopping is a godsend as we are both shift workers but it HAS to be done this way for fairness.

5. Extra or odd chores are on the white board and we agree who or how they are to be tackled.

It took a few years but now I am more or less housebroken and we don’t even have to talk about chores anymore as its just become habit.


P.s I have a tiny little dressing room thats all mine... its a utter sty... but thats my room alone and the mess stays in there behind a closed door... so my internal slob is happy as is the OH