divorce and pensions

margaretclare

inspirespirit wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Looks like I will need a solicitor. Hope I can find one that will let me pay weekly. lol.

Margaretclare - have to say I thought the same as you. I didn't realise you could get engaged whilst still married, but apparently you can as it is not a legal procedure.

She is welcome to him, tbh. What on earth a 25 year old girl sees in a 55 year old man i will never know. He has a 31 year old son. Gives me the creeps. I could never ever dream of going with a young man who is younger than my own children. Still, it seems quite the thing in the Philippines.

And one has to wonder why.

I've been told by men of his age and up to my own age even, that 'women from the Far East know how to treat a man, they are subservient, treat him with respect, put his needs first, are attractive to be with' and a lot of stuff like that. I've even been told that we women of the West are 'unattractive, obese, smoke, lazy, sit and watch TV all day and don't look after the men'. Hell will freeze over before I'm ever 'subservient' to any bloke and all the rest. And thank goodness there are still good men of our own age in our own country who enjoy being with an independent woman!

The fact that this guy is willing to walk out on you and leave you with a disabled child is nothing short of despicable. As you say, she's welcome to him. However, he may find that it's not all as rosy as he imagines, once the ring is on her finger.

As you've been in your second marriage for 25 years it's quite possible that the pension-splitting arrangements did not apply at the time of your first divorce. Not too sure of that, but I think it only came in about 10-12 years ago.

inspirespirit

atush wrote: »

What happened during your previous divorce? The pension should have been split then- unless you took some sort of payment in lieu. 8 years of his pension should have been split with you. does he pay for his disabled son? If not, why not?

If you had a soliitor then, you may have a claim for breach of duty of care.

No, I didn't get anything. I got to stay in the house, but had to pay the mortgage and then when I found a partner, we had the house valued and he (ex) got half of the equity.
When we got divorced (1988), the pension issue wasn't a legal requirement like it is today. It was never even mentioned in the divorce at all.
He doesn't contribute at all and hasn't done since the day our son left school (at 16 unfortunately as he was struck down with this disease just before his 16th birthday).

Thing is, without a doubt, if the boot were on the other foot and he was looking after our son and doing everything I have done, and I was the one with the pension payout and the full time job, without a shadow of a doubt I would be splitting everything to make certain my son was well cared for and never went without, if I could help it. Whereas he has seen me selling furniture on ebay to be able to feed and pay our bills some months. As far as he is concerned, he paid his maintenance and did what was legally required.

chesky369

atush wrote: »

What happened during your previous divorce? The pension should have been split then- unless you took some sort of payment in lieu. 8 years of his pension should have been split with you. does he pay for his disabled son? If not, why not?

If you had a soliitor then, you may have a claim for breach of duty of care.

It sounds as if the OPs first divorce took place prior to the legislation which came in only about 7 or so years ago. It wouldn't have been retrospective, particularly if the OP was already married to someone else.

The OP does have a slight advantage in one way. The husband wants a quick divorce but he can only do this if they have been separated for two years IF THEY BOTH AGREE - other than that, it's five years separation.

Definitely go to your local CAB; they'll probably be able to put you in touch with a local solicitor to at least give you half an hour's free advice - after that, you will be in a better position to decide if you need further paid-for helo.