Why oh why?

erdd2

Why oh why do so many people focus on the reaction of the person that has suffered a wrong, bad experience, whatever that makes them a victim of anothers conduct be it intentional or not as opposed to the wrongdoers conduct?

I am asking this with a genuine need for input that will assist my understanding regards where I am at in recovery from multiple extreme unprocessed traumas.

May sound bu---r all to do with money saving, but believe me it may save me a fortune financially and otherwise!

Thanks in advance

johnnyboyrebel

erdd2 wrote: »

Why oh why do so many people focus on the reaction of the person that has suffered a wrong, bad experience, whatever that makes them a victim of anothers conduct be it intentional or not as opposed to the wrongdoers conduct?

I am asking this with a genuine need for input that will assist my understanding regards where I am at in recovery from multiple extreme unprocessed traumas.

May sound bu---r all to do with money saving, but believe me it may save me a fortune financially and otherwise!

Thanks in advance

i've been on the wine so apologies but to be honest, I don't understand what you mean. Can you explain further?

mum2one

I'm guessing your the victim in all this (what ever that be), and I guess your trying to pin together why people reacting as they are,

I'm be on the wrong track so apologies, one reason that people may treat you differently is they don't always know what to say, so its almost as thou they ask about the incidents, so they feel that as you have talked to them they will have a better understanding.
Without knowing exactly where your coming from my answers are just vague sorry

Rolandtheroadie

johnnyboyrebel wrote: »

i've been on the wine so apologies but to be honest, I don't understand what you mean. Can you explain further?

What he said.

erdd2

johnnyboyrebel wrote: »

i've been on the wine so apologies but to be honest, I don't understand what you mean. Can you explain further?

given that being on the wine sometimes helps us say what we mean I will risk an example...injuries sustained from an unprovoked assault in my home cost me my career and left me a legacy of pain and restriction to many activities I love and "professionals" nag on about me being !!!!ed off about this whilst the perpetrator gets off on a technicality...

erdd2

mum2one wrote: »

I'm guessing your the victim in all this (what ever that be), and I guess your trying to pin together why people reacting as they are,

I'm be on the wrong track so apologies, one reason that people may treat you differently is they don't always know what to say, so its almost as thou they ask about the incidents, so they feel that as you have talked to them they will have a better understanding.
Without knowing exactly where your coming from my answers are just vague sorry

Its not me they treat differently, it happens to many that have been wronged....many people look at the victims reaction and not what caused the reaction...eg the calm down routine when someone has trashed your life

3v3

erdd2 wrote: »

Its not me they treat differently, it happens to many that have been wronged....many people look at the victims reaction and not what caused the reaction...eg the calm down routine when someone has trashed your life

Clearly you are very angry about what happened to you (as most people would be!) and I'm guessing its the anger and how you display it which could be an issue? (Hence the "calm down" remark?) So, you're reacting angrily as a result of what happened to you and you feel that is all they are seeing: the anger?

What would you like them to do?

Would it feel better if the professionals ranted and raged about the perpetrator/the technicality?

garethgas

Perhaps its an attempt to get you to think more rationally (you rarely thing rationally when your angry) and thereby deal with the situation in a more positive and constructive way?
Being bitter and twisted about something is a very destructive emotion so it maybe that the 'professionals' are trying to address that.

Apples2

Because what you went through is history, it can't be changed, what's been done cannot be undone.

You're whinging now is both the present and future, it can be changed, you can be helped.

Nothing can be do ne about the past, if you dwell over things you cannot change you will fall in a quicksand filled ditch of self pity.

Plenty can be done about the future.

That's what I reckon anyway.

trumpton

Many people struggle to overcome traumatic events, but for your own sake you have to continue to try. You can't change the past but you can work to overcome the trauma and start to be able to move on with your life. As others have said, being bitter and resentfu won't help you. Others saying 'Pull yourself together...get over it', doesn't always help either. Try these books, they are highly recommended for people dealing with depression and anxiety:

Stop Thinking Start Living - Richard Carlson.
Feeling Good New Mood Therapy - David Burns

Best wishes

jc808

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPIsTKpAoE4