Horace's Biting the Bullet Diary

beanielou

Families~Cant live with them , cant live without them.
Dont let it get you down.
We all are what we are & I think you are a lovely and amazing person & cope so very well with all of the challanges life throws at you.

short_bird

Good luck with setting some boundaries.

Horace

Got up late-ish but thankfully I did not awaken in the night with raging tooth and jaw ache. I decided that it was relatively dry (I did take my umbrella for justin case) that I would walk to the village to visit a different charity shop as I feel that I have worn out my welcome at the one I have been using recently (they have also started nagging me about volunteering there). I had a bit of a mooch too and nipped into the market to see if anything had changed - not much has but there seems to be a bit more life in there now that there are a few different stalls with stall holders present. I had a good chat with the chap from the sweet stand - he gave me an aniseed ball to remember what they tasted like and I bought 2 x orange & chocolate lollies and 2 x traffic light lollies (these were an old school favourite of mine). We had a chat about the market and about how it was the first time I had ventured in for months because before the place was dead with no proper stalls and certainly no stall holders - it would seem that I am not the only one who felt that the market was a let down which is why the place is so quiet now. Personally, I think the owner of the market likes to play shop and as no actual business acumen.

I also ventured into Tatco and I spent the voucher that a kind Matrixette sent me and treated myself to some new saucepans, I then walked home in the rain.

Sorted out my business account too because the bank were going to close it down and said that I was in arrears - in fact I am £44.14 in credit and certainly not in my overdraft. My account is now safe and I have told them that I wish the account to remain open although I do not have money flowing through it at the moment - they can forget about the service charges too because I get free banking as part of my FSB membership:cool: Details on my account have been changed as well as the post office where I can pay money in.

I have done a load of washing - all my bedding from the flat and this is now either hanging in part in the bathroom on an airer or it is on the washing line that Iris installed in the side lobby (mum felt that this washing line was pointless, however, I can see the benefit as it is still outside yet it is protected from the elements). It is raining again and the birds and squirrels have taken refuge in the tall trees at the back of my property.

As for my mother well pffttt to her. What a pity that I havent felt it necessary to share with her the fact that I am a company director although that business is dormant. Thankfully for me I have managed to keep large portions of my life separate from her. The poor thing even turned her nose up at the decorated sticks that I bought in Australia - she was all for chucking them out when I said they were a musical instrument and to keep her paws off them. She was sooo jealous when I went to Oz in 2003 and it caused a major rift when I returned because she made sarky comments about my photo album and the fact that I had been at all and in the end I stopped visiting every fortnight and she got a visit once a month if she was lucky.

MrsPorridge

Horace - I was always a disappointment to my Mum especially where men were concerned. At one stage in my life when I was single I worked in the law courts - Mum told all her friends I was going out with a barrister (I wasn't). When I did marry a man he was a manual worker (still is). She never actually said anything in so many words but I knew she was disappointed that I didn't "do better for myself". I am still very happily married to said man.

I always felt I never measured up to her standards.

Mum has now been dead for about 8 years and I miss her far more than I can say - I wish she was here today still criticising me - because it doesn't matter.

You are an inspirational person Horace and I love reading your diary and it is obvious what a hard worker you are. Try and put aside what your Mum says (I know how difficult that is).

What you say about not sharing certain things with her was so true of me - there was so much I wanted to talk and share with her but didn't as she was such a critical person.

Horace

I am really enjoying living here. I love the peacefulness of the place and the fact that when I close my curtains it is dark at night so I can sleep. My garden needs doing but that will be done in time and in the meantime I can look out over my wilderness and next door's neat garden and watch the birds and the occasional squirrel. My house backs onto gardens and I can see some of the houses at the end of those gardens but I am not overlooked as such. I am feeling loads happier. When I am able to tackle the garden I need to sort out my water butt which has fallen over and for the first time today I used the compost heap to dispose of some peas (I had cooked too many and they were on the turn).

I may have gotten rid of the packing cases as I put them onto freegle and I have someone coming round tomorrow to collect them. I have more boxes to unpack and more stuff to list on freegle. I have a steam cleaner that was bought and rarely used so I have washed the little flannel thing today and it is hanging on the line (it has two unused ones) and when it dries it too will go onto freegle along with an old fashioned free standing coat rack which acted as my wardrobe until I could afford a proper wardrobe. I have other items that I may choose to dispose of this way.

I had an added bonus today - I received a payment from the Hospital Saturday Fund of £93 towards my specs which cost me £187:cool: I had a letter from Eon too offering me some smart meters for my gas and electricity - I need to contact Scottish Power to see if they are able to read these directly or not because at the moment I am undergoing a changeover from Eon to SP.

Tonight I will be cooking up some spag bol for tea because I am bored with toasted bread (last night it was homemade french bread pizza). I need to continue my search for work and I am still rattling around some business ideas in my head but I need some money behind me first before I do any relaunches. I need to contact my accountant as she as access to Companies House as I want to change my address but can only do that through webfiling and I am not registered for that although she is.

Mum is aware now that I am on the dole although she thinks that I have been claiming for less time than I have been (again because of her super criticalness). She said that it was about time because she and dad had worked all their lives and never claimed anything. She even applied for carers allowance as she cares for dad but got refused so it is about time that someone in the family got something back. My mum is wierd.

Horace

Mum will be chuffed later as all the empty packing cases have gone along with a bag of bubblewrap, these have gone to a freegler who is moving house. They were lovely people who then said how nice and peaceful the area is in which I now live and how they wish now that they had looked around here due to the peace and quiet.

My oil filled radiators will be going at 6pm tonight to another freegler.

I have more things to unpack and more things to list which shall be fun.

I have moved my freezer and still have washing on the line which I will take down when the gardener arrives - it should be dry then anyway.

Weather is gorgeous today and although there is a slight breeze it is quite warm - it makes a change to see the sun:cool:

Best crack on I guess, I have washing up to put away and a large pan to be washed. Oh and unpacking still to do..yawn.

Wordsmith

Hi, Horace. I'm glad you're moved OK. All the best for your new house. I hope you're really happy there. It's onwards and upwards from now, girl!

Horace

Got up slightly late today - pottered about and made a start emptying more boxes (blimey I do have a load of craft stuff). I have had a good sort out and may offer some of the craft stuff to mum as she may have more use for it than me.

Went to job centre to see advisor today and now I have been booked onto a workshop/interview thing on Wednesday followed by a meeting the following week - I must provide evidence of jobs that I have applied for, I am now starting my 6th evidence book. I really don't know what else I can do - I apply and get nowhere, are they frightened off by the fact I have been self employed, is it my age or is it my disability? I am a bit cross because I waiting on Sainsbury's, Morrisons and M&S all via Remploy and I know that my advisor there is getting a bit fractious too.

Spoke to mum today who suggested that I stop looking so hard for work and do the minimum to satisfy the jobcentre (the minimum being 6 applications per week) and get myself well. I admit that I am not feeling as well as I should be and that is due to stress. I am meeting mum on Sunday morning as we are off to Worcester - we need to take something back and I want to go to the Apollo shop to look at a tv that is in the sale (I want to see it in the flesh) and then I will give mum the money to go to a different branch to buy it (I know that she haggles and even haggles down sale prices:j). On Tuesday we are meeting up in Brum and going to the rag market to look for nets.

I had a bit of a traumatic day yesterday - yes, I cleared stuff and a freegler came for the packing boxes, another freegler came at night and took away the oil filled radiators. The gardeners came to strim and mow the lawns and to mark the borders - they removed two dead shrubs from the front garden too but we forgot to ask them to take the branch that we found at the top of the garden. It is wierd as I can now walk the length of the garden and have found a hedge at the top with an old pathway behind (pathway no longer used and is blocked off at both ends) - this may be a place to put my compost bin or put another compost bin.

Mum & Dad came too and dad wanted to fit the blind to the bathroom but we then discovered that it wasn't wide enough so it has to go back. He decided to work on the bathroom cupboard that had been left as he had bought new feet for it but he discovered that the screws had been glued and he would take it home. Well, I went upstairs to shift the cupboard myself and dad followed me insisting that as it was heavy that I slide it down the stairs and he would walk backwards down the stairs guiding it. It was ok at first and then I reminded him about the return at the bottom of the stairs only he missed it and started to fall - the front door was open at the time too and the momentum of the fall and the weight of the cupboard sent him flying out the door so that the cupboard ended up by the wall and dad was lying motionless on the grass:eek: I have never been so frightened in all my life and I managed to pick him up and help him into the house where he sat for a goodly while on the stairs before eventually agreeing to sit on the sofa for a while longer. He refused medical attention and a cup of tea.

Mum took the opportunity to have a go at me about the packing and losing weight so I must admit that I lost it - I was then asked if I was on tranquillisers so I said that I wasnt because I was likely to have swallowed the lot. I said that I had been depressed for a very long time but didnt say anything as I didnt want to burden them further. Mum seemed to change after that and we spoke later when I rang to enquire after dad, she offered to help me unpack but I refused and she said that offers of help would be withdrawn if I kept refusing. I said that I could manage the unpacking and the putting away but I may need help with other stuff. I felt upset and was quite angry with myself for crying in front of them:o Dad is doing ok and will be black and blue with bruises because he doesnt have an ounce of fat on him to cushion the blow of landing in the front garden- he fell onto a low shrub and onto the lawn which is a good foot or so away from the front door.

Earlier dad told me how to set the central heating boiler - in fact he set it for me and then told me what setting to use on the thermostat - I have kept it on zero for now as there is no need for it to be on. Mum bought me a lidded bin to go into my cupboard because I dont really have a kitchen bin as well as giving me some food including a piece of ham that had to be eaten today - I had it for lunch.

I did another good turn today - I noticed that a freegler was after a clothes rail as she didnt have a wardrobe so I offered her my freestanding coat rack which I used to use as a wardrobe - so that is another thing that has gone.

In other news I received a cheque for £44.81 from my utility provider at the flat because I had overpaid. I think I will put this in the credit union account (I need to find my passbook).

beanielou

Glad that your dad is ok.
Bet you got a fright.

Horace

I have reminded dad that at 77 he should have more sense as he was too old to be a stuntman.:rotfl: We can laugh about it now but at the time it was really scary.