Benbenandme's Next Installment ...

benbenandme

The crim would have told his mum / sister that I don't want ds seeing the gf by the way :cool:

pinkladyof66

I would say no you are not over reacting i would be sure to say to crims parents that under no circumstances do you want the g/f seeing ds - and if they say otherwise i would stop them seeing him - bloody cheek !!!

benbenandme

Do I look like a control freak though and as though I just have an issue with the gf?? In my head it makes perfect sense why I dont want him seeing her but dont know if it looks as though I just dont like her because shes the gf??

pinkladyof66

benbenandme wrote: »

Do I look like a control freak though and as though I just have an issue with the gf?? In my head it makes perfect sense why I dont want him seeing her but dont know if it looks as though I just dont like her because shes the gf??

No the girlfriend is nothing to ds

benbenandme

In my mind she is as bad as the crim, she must have known what he was up to and she went along with it ... while I can never stop him being involved in ds life I dont have to welcome her into it either. Yes she will still be there when the crim comes out, but I dont need to encourage it when he's not around. And more importantly, he is coping fine without seeing the dogs and hasnt mentioned them for ages, if he sees them I know it will set him off :cool:

benbenandme

Any other opinions?? Be as honest as you like, if I am being unreasonable and just stressy then please tell me before I ring his mum and rant

Keeping_Motivated

If I was you I would react the same 'however' as an outsider maybe don't rant at his mum just yet.

Firstly have you asked DS if he would like to see the gf and the dogs?

Secondly I would be more inclined to ask his mum and dad to meet you for a coffee without DS there and while in public none of you can get raised tempers and maybe you could thrash out things that way...ie instead of a knee jerk reaction to todays events you could talk to them about the pending assessments and schools opinions plus the upheavel of DS having to cope with the emotional fall out of the crims actions and tell them how you feel that being around gf and the dogs highlights to DS that dad is not around more than ever so you are worried about him reacting negatively emotionally for you and for school the rest of the week!!

Obviously your choice but I would be inclined to keep the moral high ground rather than giving them amunition to 'blame' you for the situation and projecting their sons actions on to you (easily done when people are struggling with their guilt).

Maybe a polite text of thank you for today DS really enjoyed himself. I would like to talk to you about a few issues if you don't mind and I was wondering if we could meet for a chat to talk things through..Thanks again.


Good luck with your decision

Buffythedebtslayer

I don't understand why she would want to see him?

AND how come you as the Mum don't have a right to say who your child spends time with???????????????

She is clearly of dubious moral character, knew what was happening and thought it was all fine, do you want this influence on your child? No.

Ok you can't stop blood relatives but she can !!!! off!

Buffythedebtslayer

KP you are always so measured good advice esp re public meeting xx


and having just read my post I really am not lol!!

benbenandme

Thankyou guys, meeting them isnt really an option as they live a couple of hours away and she doesnt drive :cool:

I did try calling her just now but got her voicemail, am going to go for the nicely nicely approach and say I'm concerned that ds has been told he's seeing her next time, maybe I didn't make my feelings clear but I do not want ds seeing her. I dont want to go into too much detail about his behaviour etc as they will pass it onto the crim who will then start badgering for more info again, but ill just see that ds isn't interested in seeing her and I agreed to these visits so ds can maintain contact with his grandparents, not the gf I think if I do it from a polite but firm approach then it should be okay.

Not sure what to do about the dogs though, ds would absolutely love to see them, he worships them, but he is used to seeing them every fortnight and at first that was the only bit he struggled with, and now he has adapted to it he's fine, so do I really want to bring them back in again every 6 weeks or so?? Or should I leave it as it is and he is settled with it?