Give me some help re xmas pressies for kids next year

Spendless

First I want to say I don't wish this to come across as ungrateful, so apologies if it does but the written word is often hard to express.

When I buy for other people I put thought into what they like, my mil isn't like this she is a fan of practical stuff both to give and receive. For me and DH it doesn't matter we're grateful for anything, but it's becoming more of an issue with our children. They received pjs, underwear for xmas. Didn't bother my youngest (3) but I could see that my 6yo wasn't interested. We go round to their house xmas morning and exchange pressies there, so it isn't as though a pressie of 'boring' clothes just becomes lost in a mass of other pressies. We had stressed to 6yo before going round that it is polite to say thank you for whatever he receives which he did, before he ran off and played in the garden with a toy he took round. My MIL even acknowledges that the kids aren't overly interested in the sort of stuff she buys saying "nanny buys boring stuff" with a laugh. I just don't want the kids to start not liking/not being bothered about their grandparents pressies.

The ILs don't have much money anyway and has been made worse by FIL not working for a year after redundacy. As I say I don't wish to sound ungrateful. My ILs are very handy/crafty and MIL is a far better cleaner than I'll ever be. They re-decorated for us as a surprise (to DH I knew about it) whilst we were away last week. Can anyone help with suggestions on this situation?

Crazychik

I must admit, my exMIL has improved the last couple of years with gifts for my kids. She used to spend e.g £10 in the £1 shop on tat, Quantity rather than quality, by boxing day they was broken and in the bin

Last couple of yrs, she has gone out of her way to ask what they would like, I gave her some ideas, in an affordable range she could manange, and have done them proud.

I cut back lots this yr on my kids, but they appreciated the gifts they did receive.

It is hard for kids to grasp getting "clothes" as presents, mine aren't overly thrilled when they receive them, but grateful for having them.

Here's a suggestion, is too wrap a present you've brought and write a tag on it saying "happy christmas, love from nanny & grandad"

I did this one yr, and explained to my exMIL that the kids have had that many gifts from us, would you mind If I wrap a couple and put them from you? It saves heartache for the kids, knowing instead of opening the usual tat, they've opened a decent gift for a change. I used the softly approach with her, instead of saying instead of the "rubbish" you normally buy. ! It worked.

They could also make their own "promise vouchers" and the kids could cash them in through out the yr, e.g - day out to the sea-side, sleep over, pic-nic, etc.
What ever they can manage,

HTH

comping_cat

Ive always given mine socks and pants for xmas, when they were little, they were opened and thrown to one side, but now they are older, they do expect them now, last year my DS asked for PS2 games, chocolates, pants and socks!!!!!
Maybe you could say to your in laws that you have already bought them for the children, and maybe they would like to buy them a toy next time, as that would be a nice surprise for them???

Spendless

Crazychik wrote:

I must admit, my exMIL has improved the last couple of years with gifts for my kids. She used to spend e.g £10 in the £1 shop on tat, Quantity rather than quality, by boxing day they was broken and in the bin yes this is first year we haven't had this sort of stuff too.

Last couple of yrs, she has gone out of her way to ask what they would like, I gave her some ideas, in an affordable range she could manange, and have done them proud. partly this is my fault as I did suggest PJs cos she likes to give practical gifts but I didn't realise the other stuff would be missing-even if it did go in the bin by boxing day:D

I cut back lots this yr on my kids, but they appreciated the gifts they did receive. so did I cos on the other side of the family they go OTT, and it means the kids get far too much. Kids haven't even noticed they was less this year

It is hard for kids to grasp getting "clothes" as presents, mine aren't overly thrilled when they receive them, but grateful for having them.DS will like his PJs when he puts them on, even if he wasn't thrilled with receiving them:rolleyes:

Here's a suggestion, is too wrap a present you've brought and write a tag on it saying "happy christmas, love from nanny & grandad" hmmm, how would I get round him saying thank you for the x .
I did this one yr, and explained to my exMIL that the kids have had that many gifts from us, would you mind If I wrap a couple and put them from you? It saves heartache for the kids, knowing instead of opening the usual tat, they've opened a decent gift for a change. this is a possibilty I'll consider

I used the softly approach with her, instead of saying instead of the "rubbish" you normally buy. ! It worked. Yes that's what I want to do I've no wish to hurt feelings

They could also make their own "promise vouchers" and the kids could cash them in through out the yr, e.g - day out to the sea-side, sleep over, pic-nic, etc.
What ever they can manage, I did suggest to DH that they do this for us, we'll paint your bedroom, tidy your kitchen etc, instead of a pressie. We'd appreciate it more and it would leave them only finding the money for the kids.
HTH

Thank you for your help

lottiegirl

hi Spendless, sorry I have no advice.
My mil last year didn't see/phone my boys for birthdays 11th dec /22nd dec or give xmas presents, they were wrapped in xmas paper, until March (her birthday and she suddenly appeared!)
They always get second hand books from the bookshop she works in, years out of date and always the same subject planets/animals. This year she managed to get the kids birthday presents on time (2 small books each)1 got a phone call, one didn't-youngest (9) no phone call to date for christmas.

When my youngest aged 10 days, was admitted to hospital with a serious infection, she still hadn't yet seen him, we telephoned her to tell her about her grandson being so poorly she responded by saying "let me know how it goes!! we were so astounded and shocked by her reaction. We never rang her for a week and she didn't ring us,send a card-nothing!


When they were little they had all birthday/xmas presents in xmas paper all second hand , she said despite me not knowing what was inside, to decide which to give for birthdays and which for christmas turned out to be 2 books, a broken wooden truck and a crane with parts missing not in a box! This was between them aged 4 & 2.
Don' t know what exactly we have done to her,(have tried to have several hearts to hearts in the past but not over last couple of years) although she has said that when my husband was a child he was a difficult child to get on with . His sister and her 3 year old girl! (single parent by choice) gets to go to grannys from Dec 17th until she returns to work on the 3rd, every year since her baby was born. My boys 9 & 11 have long since given up on granny as never been invited for a stay at grannys they don't have a relationship with her & she doesnt know them or their interests. My husband has also given up after several chats,invitations to xmas plays,music concerts etc the boys are in (all refused-many excuses).He says it might be different if his dad was still around (he died 17 years ago, unfortunately I never met him.) and says we won't ever change her .SIL no help tried that avenue.My mil used to be a teacher, so should be used to children, and lives only 2 hours drive away and is not short of money.

Trow

Spendless I think you are being a little unfair - you know they don't have much money, and they bought what you suggested they buy - I can't see why you see it as being 'partly' your fault.

Next time suggest something affordable and fun - it would be daft to suggest ideas now for Xmas 07 for kids IMO, as their likes and dislikes will probably change at least three times by then - I would look at it maybe nearer October and you will have a better idea of what they are into then, and it will give you plenty of time to suggest to the il's what they would like - or even suggest you go shopping with mil to find something, that way you will see exactly what has been bought.

Leave buying the boring stuff to people that have the money to buy fun stuff as well. Oh, and my kids love getting clothes - always have done!

Lillibet_2

I'm going to go out on a limb here & ask why shouldn't a 6YO receive useful presents like PJ's & socks for Xmas? I don't think there is anything wrong with children receiving a healthy mix of toys & useful stuff for Xmas (or birthdays or any other time for that matter), it isn't always about stuff you want & to get something you need teaches a far better (& money saving) lesson IMHO;) Sure PJ's aren't as exciting as toys but technically Christmas isn't JUST about the presents you know:p. Personally I'd be thrilled for my son to receive presents he needs & will use rather than yet another toy which is very nice but will just get lost in the rest;). Even then PJ's etc can still be a treat, I buy my son cheap ones, Grandparents are more likely to buy (more expensive) ones with cartoon characters etc on which I imagine a 6YO would appreciate a bit? I'd also add that if it was me I'd call them "Nana's PJ's" or something so that he thought of her when he was wearing them.
Sorry to go against the grain, just MHO:o:rolleyes::D

Spendless

Lillibet wrote:

I'm going to go out on a limb here & ask why shouldn't a 6YO receive useful presents like PJ's & socks for Xmas? I don't think there is anything wrong with children receiving a healthy mix of toys & useful stuff for Xmas (or birthdays or any other time for that matter), it isn't always about stuff you want & to get something you need teaches a far better (& money saving) lesson IMHO;) Sure PJ's aren't as exciting as toys but technically Christmas isn't JUST about the presents you know:p. Personally I'd be thrilled for my son to receive presents he needs & will use rather than yet another toy which is very nice but will just get lost in the rest;). Even then PJ's etc can still be a treat, I buy my son cheap ones, Grandparents are more likely to buy (more expensive) ones with cartoon characters etc on which I imagine a 6YO would appreciate a bit? I'd also add that if it was me I'd call them "Nana's PJ's" or something so that he thought of her when he was wearing them.
Sorry to go against the grain, just MHO:o:rolleyes::D

It's not that. It sounds like I'm complaining about the PJs which I'm not.

This wouldn't be a problem if the ILs pressie was under the tree with the rest of the stuff so they would indeed receive a mix of stuff. It's that we go around especially on xmas day to exchange gifts and what I'm trying to avoid is a situation where we call at the IL's on xmas day and my eldest and eventually the youngest thinks the present they leave their home on xmas day to go round to receive is 'boring', just as I did about clothes for xmas before I turned 15;)

I'm just trying to keep everyone happy:rolleyes:

earthmother

I can understand their disappointment to a degree, but at the same time do agree with Lillibet that it isn't necessarily a problem if Grandma doesn't mind.

But there again, my two (3 and 5.5) actually asked for PJs for their last birthdays as they wanted certain character ones that, as already said, we would not normally spend the money on.






Lottiegirl - I can sympathise with the situation with your MIL - my inlaws have never even seen my younger two (3 and 9 months) - they disowned us just before the 3 year old was born because we wouldn't toe the line.

After trying to reconciliate more than once, and been met with yet more demands, we've come to the conclusion that it's not going to happen (and, sadly, that it's no great loss - but that's another story) - although when the boys are older we'll be honest about it all and won't stop them if they want to try and contact them.

Spendless

earthmother wrote:

I can understand their disappointment to a degree, but at the same time do agree with Lillibet that it isn't necessarily a problem if Grandma doesn't mind.

But there again, my two (3 and 5.5) actually asked for PJs for their last birthdays as they wanted certain character ones that, as already said, we would not normally spend the money on.

I'm just trying to avoid getting to the time where they both anticipate going to grandmas on xmas day as the time they receive a 'boring' pressie. Grandma doesn't currently mind as I mentioned earlier she says "nany buys boring pressies", but whether she would be hurt by the same reaction each year I don't know. I just don'ty want peoples feelings hurt.

I can't request certain character PJ's or specific clothes with characters on, which might soften the boring bit as I am mindful of the IL's finances.

earthmother

I understand - I was still typing when you made your other post


If there is no way around the PJs being given, then how about adopting a slightly different stance - that is if grandma doesn't mind her present being opened early/when she's not there. I've seen a few people, on here and elsewhere, saying about how one of their christmas traditions is that the kids have a brand new pair of PJs for Christmas night - maybe adopt that, and make it that Grandma provides them?

That way she's involved in the excitement of Christmas - in fact if you present it well enough, Christmas will never be Christmas again without grandma's PJs as far as the kids are concerned.

Just a thought