Bulimia Relapse

Molly41

Start with eating nutritious food little and often. Whatever you fancy that has nutrients in it - not junk food. Try Mindfulness techniques whenever you feel the need to self harm because that is what an eating disorder essentially is. I agree that you need to look at what has changed for you - even subtle changes and assess the impact on your life. You are not alone x

gingin_2

I was bulimic from the age of 12, started throwing up my lunch at school and it escalated to bingeing and starving, at times I wouldn't even drink water because I used to obsessively weigh myself and hated seeing the scales go up.

I believe my mum had an eating disorder and despite them knowing about it, my parents never got me help. I got help 4 years ago ( age 29), but it was pretty useless. At 29 I had been in this cycle for longer than I hadn't so it was very hard to break. I have done well since but am also feeling like I am falling into a black hole again, mainly because I have suddenly become really resentful of my parents not helping me.

That's my story...

Do you eat three meals a day? I know everyone's ed's are different but I find that if I don't eat breakfast I start picking at 11 and then I feel guilty and the whole cycle starts. I also try and have the right foods in the house, nice fruit, smoothies, nuts etc then if I am hungry I can eat things that won't make me feel bad, the kids have treats but I buy things that I am not fussed about. I have also started exercising properly and that really helps lift my mood and makes me feel better about myself.

Buttonmoons, hard to know what to say but try and look after yourself.

Here if you want to pm

Errata

HTH someone. If anyone has tried counselling / talking therapy and found it useless that may be because it was the wrong counsellor / therapist for them. A different one may be a perfect fit.

elfen

Cuppa/Button, I know where you both are right now. The overwhelming urge to buy something so I can have the satisfaction of bigeing and purging...it's just so THERE right now, if you get what I mean.

I know it is really hard, but one way I've got (partial) control over it is by saying to myself 'ok, if you binge/purge today, that's it for the next couple of days'. I find allowing myself to have that cycle under my control allows me a little bit more control as to what goes into my system (and back out of it, if I'm honest). I am tired, I have crappy skin and my internal clocks are messed up, but none of that means anything when it comes to the hurdle of 'can I do this? I NEED to do this or it becomes an obsession'. I have been to the point where its been both bulimia and anorexia,. and I've seen pics of myself then, and I was haggard and skin and bones. Now I just think I'm a big fat slob of a loser who has had enough (admittedly, I have, but that's another thread)

I'm just trying to say, that instead of cutting it out alotogether, try and cut it down to a controllable level, and see how that feels, as that's one of the biggest steps. Even if it's minute to minute working through it, or hour to hour, you are getting there. Just baby steps

Mozilla2

Hi Cuppatea,
You're not alone! I go through periods of eating ok and then back to the binging / purging. What does help for me is eating healthier food such as fruit often during the day. The worst days are when I don't eat breakfast or lunch and then have an enormous binge in secret

CuppaTea

Wow, I am totally blown away by the level of support on here, i've been around for a while, read threads and lurked and have built up in my MSE mind the people that relate to me in terms of family, age and MSE likeness or just generally people who post nicely, seem respected and are supportive to others. But now these kind, supportive people have turned around on a forum and admitted they are in the same boat or have been. You know what I feel a bit more normal now, i felt so isolated a few hours ago, a wierd person who shouldn't have kids etc, but you lot you understand me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I reckon you are brave people to admit to this, braver than me using a second username, i'm not brave enough, i wish i was. I have loads of ideas and Buttons, I really understand how you feel right now. Maybe when you feel your ready to move on we could support each other. I wont suggest now because unless your in that place of totally wanting to change then it doesn't work.

Myself i reckon i'm 70% change 30% bulimic at the moment, plus 100% depressed/low mood.

I have kids, a DH and family and friends, bulimia takes up a lot of my time that could be used constructively elsewhere. My DH would love me to put on weight (a good stone is sufficient) and I would love to feel more energised. I'm not quite ready but i'm nearly there i think.

I did try to ring the docs today but they were closed for lunch, the chidlren are home tomorrow, so that's out and i'm working thursday, maybe friday. I can't take the kids with me to my nurse and talk honestly or without crying, plus it has to be when DH is at work.

(Btw, I did buy the McD earlier, tasted good, but.................another day!).

CuppaTea

Also to add, I do eat three meals a day they just dont always stay down. If i have had a bad day i try to have a slice of toast and a hot drink before bed, just so i dont wake up feeling exhausted and have lead legs.

freda

I know at our docs when I needed to see nurse for something and put it off due to lack of childcare, they offered a 'spare' nurse to have the children for 5 mins while I saw the other nurse. We do have a v. good practice though, they go out of their way to accomodate their patients.

Do you have any friends that could have them for 30 mins or so while you go?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Not sure if this is helpful, but have you considered whether some form of nutritious milkshake would help on the days when you feel that craving, as it won't feel as iccky/alien in your stomach as a huge takeaway meal, making it less likely that you will purge?

millymoomoo_2

Cuppa, you have been brave today. I know with my eating disorder I spent years in total denial and wouldn't even admit to myself there was a problem.

I personally only feel able to post about it because YOU started the thread, I felt like I was the only one with this problem. I'm mid thirties with 2 children and my recent turn around was the heartbreaking thought that my daughter would most likely learn from ways and be unwell herself one day. I can't stand the thought of that.

My OH doesn't know in detail about my issues but he knows I have a problem, is there anyway you could ask your OH for help?

Oh and great idea from Jojo:T