Is my ex being unreasonable? (warning, rant!)

catw75

He seems convinced he is right. We lived together for two years; he did not help with the mortgage, bills or other household expenses other than buying some, but not all of the food, and giving me random tenners when I ran out of money after paying all the bills.

Before he even moved in with me I settled a large income tax debt for him using my savings. While he was here I paid several ongoing tax payments and car repair bills for him, and as I had already used my savings on his previous debts, I borrowed the money on a credit card and am still repaying it. I am able to pay it, but that is not the point. He agreed to try and help me repay the credit card bill at the time, but did not.

So a few months after we split up, I contacted him and asked if he can come to see me to discuss paying it. I did not ask him to repay the savings, which were a gift, and I did not bring his lack of contribution while he was here into it. I just asked him if he can give me some money, monthly or weekly, to help pay back the credit card bill that I spent on his tax and car repairs. And he agreed to come and see me, but then stormed in and shouted at me, and said that while we were living together his tax and car repairs were our joint expense, and that now we are not together my credit card bill is nothing to do with him.

fannyanna

Technically that debt is yours and not his (I've presumed the credit card is solely in your name).

If you want it paid you either need to pay it yourself or hope thaht he does what is morally right (which by the sounds of it is unlikely).

novagirl

Join the club! Put it down to experience and never offer to pay something for someone again. It's now your debt and you just have to hope that they'll contribute some money towards it.

browneyedbazzi

It would be great if people could behave decently and live up to agreements/promises after a relationship has broken down but sadly my experience says that doesn't often happen (I'm still paying debts accrued by bailing out my ex husband and we've been apart for 3 years!) ...guess we have to live and learn!

catw75

Thanks, I know that it's my debt legally, am just so annoyed that he refuses to take any moral responsibility!

Darlyd

Call the police and tell them that your ex has got a credit card in your name, forged signatures and spent a lot of money on it! And you only became aware of it since he left and you opened the mail.

OR do you have any proof you paid for the debts for him? Can you take him to a small claims court? Worth a try...

gratefulforhelp_2

You could maybe look into taking him to small claims court, but whether it is worth the aggro is another question.

pendulum

If you have nothing in writing there's nothing you can do.
You were sharing living expenses, each paying for different things at different times, and you were happy to pay that on his behalf whilst you were together. You won't get anywhere trying to claim it back now. Live and learn.

pendulum

darlyd wrote: »

Call the police and tell them that your ex has got a credit card in your name, forged signatures and spent a lot of money on it! And you only became aware of it since he left and you opened the mail.

Idiot suggestion.

darlyd wrote: »

OR do you have any proof you paid for the debts for him? Can you take him to a small claims court? Worth a try...

Proving she paid the debts for him isn't enough.
She needs to prove he promised to pay her back.
Even from what she told us here, she said he merely offered to "try" and pay her back. Because of the wording (try), that probably wouldn't be enough evidence even if it was written down and signed.
It costs money to start a small claim action. It probably isn't worth a try.

catw75

I thought about small claims but realised if he chose to defend the case he could simply claim it was a gift, and I have no way of proving otherwise. Or even if he just ignored the case and I got a CCJ against him, there is no way I could enforce it, could not do attachment to earnings as he is self-employed, could not get the county court bailiffs to distrain goods as he has nothing of any worth, could not get charging order as he owns no assets, could not get third party debt order as his bank account balance is always very low because his customers normally pay cash. I know I have no legal recourse, think I just wanted rant, and to feel more justified that I am not being unreasonable to feel wronged, as he seemed so adamant that I was in the wrong for asking. Thanks to all : )

catw75

DarlyD, thanks for your sympathy, but really that would be fraud and wasting police time, please don't advise people to do that, as it could carry a prison sentence! It is annoying and upsetting to be left out of pocket by an ex but I can deal with that, I don't think I could deal with doing time though!!!