I know it's the thought that count's but ...

jopsey

lil_me wrote:

I spent 2-3 times what my sister did on each of my children this year, because I could afford to, maybe that is the same situation. She realises now I don't do it to brag, I spend what I can afford and she spends what she can. Doesn't bother me. Giving a gift of whatever amount is because you want to. I don't go off money, I go off what matters. Person I spent the most on by far this year was my Dad, over £400 on a laptop, because I know he needs it, can't afford it and does a lot for me. Not because of what it is and how much it was.

It really isn't the money ,belive me she can afford a much dearer/thought about present im sure ,it's the fact of giving me a list of thing's to get her children knowing it will amount to a sum of money /time and effort getting gifts.

Please don't think im greedy im not, a close relative of mine is on a very tight budget and I am more than happy to spend the same amount on her children as I spend on SIL's children , but I know if I asked her what her children would like she would only pick something of a small value or say don't buy because she can't afford to buy back,she in fact bought my little boy a bob the builder book and pen's which he loves with a passion and prob cost less than SIL's gift

Crazychik

I dont often see my exSIL, she has 3kids, I never buy toys for them, as the house really could do with a good FLY-LADY challenge (even Anthea Turner will have her work cut out) and toys just get lost,broken or hidden away & forgotten about

I usually buy clothes or books, and go to the value of around £10 each. Not beacuse Im stingy, as I have other neices & nephews to buy for also (aswell as my own 2 children), this yr, I gave them money. They are old enough to understand the meaning & value and hope they will buy something what they want.

I usually get the same in return for my 2kids. I dont begrudge Im spending £30 and she spends £20, I guess thats the way it will have to be, with me only having 2 children. If you see what I mean.

My Sis (when we was talking), also got 3 kids, I would spend around £20 each on them, and cos I've got 2 kids, she spent that little bit more on mine, sadly we no longer speak and have no contact. So, the money I save there, goes on my own kids.

You must speak up, either agree a set figure what to spend on each child, or agree not to buy. I know its not about giving/receiving etc or the cost, but it can be totally annoying if you go out of your way to make the extra effort for her kids, and she couldn't be bothered to do the same. If it had happened once, fair enough, but for it to happen again - speak up!

Good luck

in_my_wellies

jopsey - what do you mean about my sig? My children are all past Bob the Builder stage - what should I know?

Savvy_Sue

My SIL gave us all a long list of things that would be liked, varying prices, and that's fair enough I think, BUT before I got the list I'd already bought something NOT on the list and still gave it. And I think it will be appreciated, even though it was a joint present for all 3 of hers. But I know another of my siblings felt really aggrieved by the list!

If you can think of something her children might like, I'd feel free to buy it. And if you feel your child is missing out, I'd try to talk to SIL (or your brother perhaps?) But I know how difficult it can be: we were all heartily relieved when one of our SILs handed out cash this year, because presents in the past from her have been interesting to say the least!

jopsey

in_my_wellies wrote:

jopsey - what do you mean about my sig? My children are all past Bob the Builder stage - what should I know?

It's Bob' motto its etched on my brain sorry just thought you had watched one too many dvd's like myself

Poppy9

Both my sisters have 2 children each. One sister kids we are closer too and also God parents to. I spend about £50 each on them. It is always appreciated and I ask my sister for advice on what to get them. She doesn't give a list but suggests ideas etc. However I only have 1 child and she spends about £70-80 on her. I tell her not to as I feel she thinks she has to compensate because she is only buying for one.

My other sisters kids are different. Never a thank you and if I ask sister what to get them I always get told a gift voucher. I hate giving gift vouchers - only give them to other sisters kids when at uni for food from Tesco!. This year I didn't ask and just bought. Used to spend £20 each on them but they both now have partners they live with so it was £20 per couple. Still won't get a thank you no doubt! She buys for DD and spends about £20 on her. DD always says thank you.

Mics_chick

Could you talk to her about it and ask her why she didn't buy what you asked her to get your ds?

Is it possible for you to find out from your SIL where she got the pressie from? Make up a little white lie depending on what it is... you want to buy one for another child's birthday early in January/ he's broken it and you want to replace it because he likes it alot...

Coz sometimes a pressie can look expensive and be cheap - and others can look cheap and be expensive!!! Just because it looked cheap doesn't mean it was. Also depends where she bought it from - I was looking up something in Ebay Shops the other day and exactly same item was being sold for £28 and £91 ???? and varying prices inbetween. Just because you think it looks cheap doesn't mean it actually was.

If you can find out how much it cost and she is spending less on your ds than you would on 1 of her kids then I would buy a gift/give money for the amount she was spending on yours as it's very cheeky IMO for her to specify exactly what's expected from you but is not willing to do the same in return.

I think it's fair to specify an amount per child, regardless of how many each of you have got, because you're buying each person a present. If 1 person has got 5 kids and another has only got 1. The only child is not 'entitled' to a present 5 times the value of the other children.

nearlyrich

I spend £20 per child, for christmas and a tenner for birthdays, one brother has 3, sister has 1, other brother has 2.

I don't think I spend £60 on a's children and they only spend £40 on mine (I have 2) ....spend what you feel is right don't worry about getting it back....

Spendless

If you feel you can't talk to SIL about this, what about maximising points on your Boots card, changing Tesco points into 'deals' and paying for gifts using these. That way you'd get gifts with the 'va;ue' worth a lot more than you've paid.

I'd also stop asking SIL what they'd like, that way you can't be told argos cat no x pg y cost z

culpepper

We used to buy my inlaws kids a joint present(game,activity set etc),we never asked them what they wanted,we didnt even ask our own kids what they wanted. Christmas isn't about 'want' IMHO.
It could just be an unconcious habit with your SIL,maybe she has seen you as childless and able to afford what she can't.