How to gain confidence

sharpy2010

Bonking_Mad wrote: »

So, how does one become more confident without coming across as aggressive?

I used to be realy unbelievably shy, but here's what happened:

I decided that I was wasting my life and wasn't prepared for it to be like this any more.

I forced myself to be more outgoing, to disagree with people when I felt it necessary, etc etc.

Its not easy, but once you do it for a while, it seems normal.

And after a bit longer, you'll actually believe what your saying.

And finally, you WILL be confident.

Remember, lifes a game... in 100 years time we'll all be dead anyway, so what does it really matter?!

Judith_W

I'm sure you could find really good books/ courses, but to get you started, one thing suggested was rather than going straight from yes all the time to no, have an 'I'll have to think about it/ check stage'. For example, if someone calls and says oh can you do this for me, have planned out what you will say to give yourself time to decide if you actually want/ have time to do what they asked. So perhaps get into the habit of saying, I have to check my diary or what I have on my to do list to see if I have time and I'll back to you to confirm. That way if someone is always pressuring you, you have time without them breathing down your neck to understand if this fits into your job description, you have time etc.

Just a thought anyway

Judith_W

Also, theres a fun programme on Viva called Plain Jane which is giving American girls enough confidence to ask out a crush - I know different but they have some good ideas!

RAS

Bonking_Mad wrote: »

I'm now in my late 40's, several years ago, I suffered a nervous breakdown, since then, I've never felt 100% confident, so, how does one become more confident without coming across as aggressive?

I am going to let you into a secret.

The vast majority of people lack confidence even at senior levels.

One of the most bombastic senior staff I know can crumble when challenged by some people, even when the snipe is actually aimed at someone else entirely. And the previous incumbent was inherently lacking in confidence and so took it out on everyone junior.

Check out the "imposter syndrome".