Now?

Mrs_Arcanum

Juicyloo wrote: »

my main concern is going back to court for spousal maintenance

Forget that & get on with your own life. Yes, you might be entitled to something, but chasing after this may stop you moving on to being independent of your ex.

Juicyloo

No, because he walks into my house every day and claims it as his own

nannytone_2

if the house is yours he has no right to walk in when he wants. call the police and have him removed.
if the house is legally as much his as it is yours, then sell up and get your own place.

ot sounds like youre making excuses, rather than accepting responsibility for yourself.

Juicyloo

nannytone wrote: »

if the house is yours he has no right to walk in when he wants. call the police and have him removed.
if the house is legally as much his as it is yours, then sell up and get your own place.

ot sounds like youre making excuses, rather than accepting responsibility for yourself.

we married- he lied. He will be caught out in next FDR hearing. Period

DX2

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Benefits don't control you!! You just want an easy lifestyle, get a job and rely on yourself for a change!

You would be surprised actually how much they do control some.

bestpud

If it is your parents you care for, why is it your ex's responsibility to keep you?

I'd understand if you had a child who needs constant care, but your parents are not his responsibility.

But then, if he's walking into your home every day, there is obviously far more to this than you've posted here. If you are unable to give all the facts, then any advice you receive may not actually apply in RL.

Do you think it's time you and he completely cut ties now your youngest is 18? Or do you enjoy being controlled by him and scoring points at any given opportunity, even if it means a life of dependency and benefits?

skintandscared_2

If your youngest is 18, can't they look for a job? Or are they going into further education? Either way, the father should be helping them out financially (so, indirectly helping you) but your own situation is down to you. Your parents should be entitled to some form of care help, surely? What level of care do they need from you? Would you have enough spare hours to do a part time job?

I can totally understand how the benefits system becomes a way of life and it's hard to get out of, after reading posts on here. I'm very grateful that I've never had to go there, although things have been very hard at times. Once you get in the mindset of working that becomes "normal" too - good luck.

Oldernotwiser

I do hope you haven't started this thread just to start another row; you seem to make a habit of this and I can't see that it helps you in any way.

saterkey

You really need to break free of your husband now, and draw a line under it, any maintenance now should be for the kids only to be honest. If hes in your house you need to stop that or get yourself a cheaper place away from his ties. You could take in a lodger to help with expenses perhaps. As soon as you free yourself youll feel better for it im sure. Regarding your parents take whatever support your offered, delegate some tasks perhaps to your children ie a visit a week or a bit of shopping whatever to take a little pressure off you. Baby steps really think what can i do to make it more bearable, a short course perhaps, free if your on benefits, volunteering try do it org uk, to give you more confidence and maybe some training and a reference. This is your time now for yourself, albeit with responsibilities but who hasnt, think what you would like to do. Good luck i really hope that you move forward and get to a happier place.

FBaby

your position as you describe it is a tough one to get though, but certainly not exceptional. If you chose to be a SAHM all your life and didn't do any work during that time trusting that your well-off husband would always take care of you, than you need to accept that choice. It wasn't a bad one as of course the likelyhood was that it would always be like that, but things didn't work out and you won't be the fist one going through a divorce and finding yourself with very little money after enjoying a nice life. Your husband does not control you and never did, you chose yourself the life you had.

If you did work, then you should be able to get another job, working around the need to care for your parents. Again, you won't be the first and last one in that position. At least you don't have your child to look after any longer.

I don't know all your background, but it sounds like you need to go through the stage of accepting that the nice protected life you had isn't any longer. You now need to find on your own. It isn't nice when you had it good for some time, but again, it doesn't make you any more a victim than million of other people having to do the same.

Stop focussing on trying to punish your husband and make it a goal, go for what you can if you feel you deserve it, but focus your energy in rebuilding yourself as a person. In the end, you will find peace from discovering that you can support yourself financially and emotionally much better than by getting more from your husband yet still dependent on him.