Husband not interested in money?

JodyBPM

Does anyone else have this problem?

We're reasonably financially comfortable, so money itself isn't a problem, but I struggle to get DH to show any interest in our household finances.

I do quite a lot of financial juggling, as we are hoping to pay the mortgage off in full early next year, so we're pulling across money to the mortgage overpayment account, transferring things across from joint savings and joint spends to cover big purchases, and I watch quite closely what we spend so we can reach our goal.

I'm definitely in charge of the finances, but I discuss everything with DH, after all its joint money. He's in agreement with everything we do, and does seem quite excited about having the mortgage paid off and saving for our dream country cottage.

We both have access to all the current accounts and the general savings account online, but he never, ever checks them. He will never take responsibility for anything financial. I really have to pin him down to discuss different savings accounts, budget changes etc. I largely end up doing it all myself, which I don't want to. I don't want to feel I "control" the money, its joint, but he never gives me any input into any discussions, so by default I tend to be in control, he just agrees with anything I suggest.

Despite his access to all the accounts, if I asked him today how much money we have in the joint spends account, the bills account, the savings account, my ISA, his ISA, the long term savings or the mortgage overpayment account, he really wouldn't have a clue. In fact I doubt if he knows the outstanding mortgage on the property. Where as at any moment in time I could tell you the amount in each current account to the nearest £50, and the amount in savings/mortgage to the nearest £500.

I would like to point out, he doesn't overspend, doesn't have debts, and is more than happy to go along with anything I suggest. He's very chilled out by nature anyway.

It's just bugging me, because I don't want to be solely responsible for our entire household finances. Its a fairly big job, we're a family of four with mortgage, bills, expenses, pensions, savings etc to juggle.

Maybe we're each just playing to our strengths - he does sort out all the car tax, MOT, insurance etc. And he's better than me about sending off census forms etc.

I just wondered if anyone else was in the same boat, and how you encourage your spouses to show more interest in (and take more responsibility for) the finances?

jackieblack

I'm in the same boat as you, except my DH doesn't even sort out tax or insurance for either the car or his motorbike (he does sort out the MOT for his motorbike but I have to do it for the car). And he doesn't do census forms either, in fact he doesn't do forms or paperwork of any kind.
He just says he trusts me to sort everything out and to do whatever I think is best.
He wouldn't have the first clue how much savings we have, or even which banks they're with.

If you find a solution, let me know, I've been looking for one for over 20 years!

balletshoes

JodyBPM wrote: »

It's just bugging me, because I don't want to be solely responsible for our entire household finances. Its a fairly big job

what would you do if your husband didn't agree with your financial planning, wanted to take it all in another direction? would you be happy to do that, happy to leave it to him? I'm just asking because it sounds like you do a great job with the family money, it sounds like your OH knows that and is grateful for it too . my OH doesn't have a clue about our finances, but I have to say I'm glad about that - because he is far less "feet on the ground" when it comes to money than I am, so him controlling the family finances would likely be a rollercoaster to say the least :rotfl:.

JodyBPM

balletshoes wrote: »

what would you do if your husband didn't agree with your financial planning, wanted to take it all in another direction? would you be happy to do that, happy to leave it to him? I'm just asking because it sounds like you do a great job with the family money, it sounds like your OH knows that and is grateful for it too . my OH doesn't have a clue about our finances, but I have to say I'm glad about that - because he is far less "feet on the ground" when it comes to money than I am, so him controlling the family finances would likely be a rollercoaster to say the least :rotfl:.

Actually, that made me smile a bit. Honestly, we get on pretty well, and we would reasonably and rationally discuss any options (to do with finance or anything else) but if push came to shove, I'd probably get my way! Whilst I don't like feeling that I "control" the family finances, I'd rather control them, than be controlled! Ideally, I'd just like it to be more of a shared responsibility, though!

Deep down, I know I'm lucky. I read so many posts here about people who's partners have secret debts, or who won't contribute to household finances etc etc, and I know that my chilled out, laid back DH who is quite happy to go with the flow (and who contributes well to the household) is not such a bad thing to have.

Tabatha_Kitten

Same situation here. Thats how I like it and thats how its staying !.

jackieblack

JodyBPM wrote: »

Actually, that made me smile a bit. Honestly, we get on pretty well, and we would reasonably and rationally discuss any options (to do with finance or anything else) but if push came to shove, I'd probably get my way! Whilst I don't like feeling that I "control" the family finances, I'd rather control them, than be controlled! Ideally, I'd just like it to be more of a shared responsibility, though!

Deep down, I know I'm lucky. I read so many posts here about people who's partners have secret debts, or who won't contribute to household finances etc etc, and I know that my chilled out, laid back DH who is quite happy to go with the flow (and who contributes well to the household) is not such a bad thing to have.

I feel exactly the same.
It's just that every now and again the burden of responsibility feels a bit much.

*Louise*

JodyBPM wrote: »

I would like to point out, he doesn't overspend, doesn't have debts, and is more than happy to go along with anything I suggest. He's very chilled out by nature anyway.

It's just bugging me, because I don't want to be solely responsible for our entire household finances. Its a fairly big job, we're a family of four with mortgage, bills, expenses, pensions, savings etc to juggle.

Maybe we're each just playing to our strengths - he does sort out all the car tax, MOT, insurance etc. And he's better than me about sending off census forms etc.

I just wondered if anyone else was in the same boat, and how you encourage your spouses to show more interest in (and take more responsibility for) the finances?

I think you need to realise how lucky you are

You sounds like you are coping well, and he still shows an interest and listens to you so that's good. And he obviously trusts you to make the right choices

Family of 5 here, so I appreciate how difficult juggling all the finances can be, I deal with the finances for us, even the insurances and every form that needs done. I find though, if you're good at it and don't resent being responsible for it, it helps to have one person dealing with it - less argumnets and no mix ups.

However my hubby helps in other useful ways so I don't resent doing the finances. Yours sounds like he is still being helpful as well in other ways so I think you got a good 'un there :j

lurvlyloz

My ex and i had our joint account (where all the house hold bill came out of) and then our own personal bank accounts . i had access to the joint account but he didnt because he didnt trust him self with it. i ALWAYS told him EVERY decision financially but i could of told him anything. hHe alway ssaid he was happy that i was doing a good job & he knew i wouldnt let it get in a bad way. this was a lot of responsibility but worked wel for us as if he had a bank card for it he'd of p*ssed the mortgage money up the wall.

and (not that this is your situation at all OP) it meant when we broke & he moved out...i knew all the finances already and was able to carry it all on smoothly

couponmummy

I have the same problem with my DH he has no clue on anything and does not want to he won't even pay for things when we go out he is not interested in any of it so never carries his card and probably has no clue where it even is now lol. So no surprise gifts for me EVER but other than all that he is wonderful lol

savingmummy

Your not alone!

My DH isn`t at all interested in money or finances, OR saving!
As far as i try and get him motivated it all goes in one ear and out of the other - ISSUE WITH US THOUGH IS THAT OUR FUTURE LOOKS RUBBISH!!

AT least you are financially comfortable, so money itself isn't a problem, no debts, no big spending problems AND your on the way to be being mortgage free!

He clearly trusts you and feels you do a better job then he could do!
I would actually like to be you

savingmummy

JodyBPM wrote: »

It's just bugging me, because I don't want to be solely responsible for our entire household finances. Its a fairly big job, we're a family of four with mortgage, bills, expenses, pensions, savings etc to juggle.

Big job BUT your clearly doing a fab job at it!! IF he was to jump in and help it may all go pair shaped and not be so organised and successful!

Maybe he is worried this will happen hence leavign you to deal with it all.