Husband not interested in money?

belfastgirl23

Hmmm to be honest I sense a bit of a control freak in you you might like your DH to be more involved but in the end you want him to do what you say. I say this without any judgement as I am also a bit of a control freak about this sort of thing. Maybe you need to just step back and ask yourself is this how things always have been and you got lumbered or is it really how you like it and you've got there gradually?

The only thing I would say is that it is worth having a set of instructions somewhere in case you're suddenly hospitalised or something just so your DH can manage things

But TBH in your shoes I wouldn't be complaining at all!

JodyBPM

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Hmmm to be honest I sense a bit of a control freak in you you might like your DH to be more involved but in the end you want him to do what you say. I say this without any judgement as I am also a bit of a control freak about this sort of thing. Maybe you need to just step back and ask yourself is this how things always have been and you got lumbered or is it really how you like it and you've got there gradually?

The only thing I would say is that it is worth having a set of instructions somewhere in case you're suddenly hospitalised or something just so your DH can manage things

But TBH in your shoes I wouldn't be complaining at all!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Honestly, control freak is a bit strong, but I'm definitely naturally rather more assertive than DH. And genuinely, I would like him to just be a bit more with it regarding our finances.

He does know how to manage all the accounts etc in the case of emergency, although tbh, I think if I wasn't around he'd struggle with budgeting etc. Not that he doesn't know how to, but he probably wouldn't bother.

Its been nice to hear that there are others in the same situation, though. In the scheme of things, I know this is a fairly minor whinge, and DH is a very good and decent man. I do know I'm lucky really (but I would have rather not have spent this morning having to juggle all the finances by myself again!)

RadoJo

It sounds pretty fair to me - he handles some aspects of running the household and you handle others. Presumably you're both playing to your individual strengths and taking responsibility for the areas that you are comfortable managing, so unless there is a general imbalance in your responsibilities in the relationship I don't see any problem with one person dealing with the bulk of the financial decisions. You clearly take a very proactive approach to things - what if your husband took over but still wasn't as 'on top of it' as you are? Would you really want to relinquish control to him when you are obviously doing such a good job?

evi3000

Same situation here, although OH deals with the mechanical aspect of things (MOTs, etc.)
I like being in charge of the finances. Not that OH would spend unnecessarily but I am in charge of all the finances - every single last penny. Hoorah, say I. I'm not a control freak but my father managed to financially ruin my mother when we were kids and we spent so many years living hand to mouth. This will not happen to us as a family and I sleep well at night because of it! x

meer53

The fact that you've posted that this is bugging you and that it's a problem for you shows that you're not happy with this situation. My ex was exactly the same, then he had an affair and i threw him out. You can't imagine what a huge relief it is to not have to "babysit" another person, on top of the kids ! If you don't approach him about how you feel, you will just get more and more annoyed with him and it will affect your relationship. Deal with it now.
We ran a business for over 20 years, i did all the accounts, vat, invoicing etc, in all that time, my ex never met the accountant ! He was never around when the VAT inspector called either ! I also worked full time and had 2 kids to look after. It was all for nothing, he left me for someone else. It was like being punched in the face, i was doing all this for our relationship and future, he didn't appreciate anything i had done.

Revenge - he now has huge money problems and has acquired a CCJ as his GF won't do any of the things i did !!

You seriously need to let your OH know how you feel about his attitude to money or one day you might regret not speaking up !

make_me_wise

My husband and I have some joint accounts and then our own seperate accounts. I dont really feel the need to be checking any of them that much. Its all been set up so I dont need to and we are both sensible with money and stick to our budget.

All our bills are paid by direct debit from one joint account. We sat down and set it all up together and an equal amount comes out of each of our own accounts each month to cover what needs to go into it. I tend to keep on top of the best deals for things, something I like to do. So if amounts we need to pay change I just let dh know and we each adjust what goes into the pot.

We have a spend account to cover our food and petrol.

We have an emergency funds account which we each put a certain amount in each month.

After that our money is our own. We both have savings account. I know how much is in mine. If dh wants to know what is in his he is more than capable of getting online and checking.

Dont really see the need to be so in control of it all and wanting to know to the nearest £500 or £50 where you are at. If you have set things up securely online its not as if amounts are going to go missing without you noticing. I check my non important accounts maybe once a month because I know not alot is going to change.

If it really bothers you then sit down with your dh and say you just need to look over the finances together and see where you are at. Its admirable that you are trying so hard and are obviously financially savvy but I dont think you need to make it into such a chore.

Lunar_Eclipse

My husband is also disinterested in the financial side to our household, but to be honest, I'm envious of this attitude, because I think it's good not to focus too much on money if you are fortunate enough to avoid it being the focus of everything you do every day.

In contrast to your situation, I also manage all household bills, insurances, anything to do with cars, holidays, pets, children etc, so at least your DH is taking care of some aspects. Being organised, knowledgeable and disciplined financially is great, but I think you can be all of these in a healthy way without knowing the balance of all your micro accounts, within the nearest £50/500.

I also have another thought, based on your comment of finding it a fairly big job. I'm wondering if perhaps you are conscious of being a little obsessed/materialistically minded and thus would like your more laidback husband to show more interest, to rebalance the situation? Or perhaps you might benefit from taking a more simplistic approach to how you manage the finances, making sure you only spend time on the essentials, and not so much on playing around with numbers and moving money around that really makes little difference but takes a considerable amount of time.

Unless you are really wealthy, with numerous diverse investments and properties to manage, what needs to be done should be fairly straightforward. Overall, it sounds like you are in a comfortable position and appreciate your luck in being so; I would therefore try not to worry to much about your husband's lack of interest. I think it's completely normal within a large portion of married couples and I suspect your DH thinks you're doing the best job possible!

jenhug

my hubby could tell you the ins and outs of every aspect of our finances. I haven't got a clue. It bores the life out of me and he is happy to do it.