what do you do

Plans_all_plans

Hi Kimberley, has he said why he won't go to counselling? Does he want things to work? Is it you who is unhappy, is it him, or is it both of you? How does he feel about the marriage?

You have both been through a lot recently from what you've said on here and I think it is understandable that your relationship is under strain. I think if you really want to be with him and he with you, that counselling could really help - if only to help you see clearly exactly what you think is the best way forward.

Also, if he still refuses to go to relationship counselling with you, you can always go by yourself.

Plans_all_plans

Also, West Wales Wannabee, I'd dump him and cut all contact. At 38 if he doesn't know whether he's going to make a life with you, he's never going to know. He's just stringing you along.

Kimberley82

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Hi Kimberley, has he said why he won't go to counselling? Does he want things to work? Is it you who is unhappy, is it him, or is it both of you? How does he feel about the marriage?

You have both been through a lot recently from what you've said on here and I think it is understandable that your relationship is under strain. I think if you really want to be with him and he with you, that counselling could really help - if only to help you see clearly exactly what you think is the best way forward.

Also, if he still refuses to go to relationship counselling with you, you can always go by yourself.

he doesnt like the idea of counciling, he wants it to work.

tango

Did you suffer from depression before this relationship ?

Plans_all_plans

Do you think counselling would help you even if you went on your own? It might give you some clarity on the situation to talk it through with someone detached from the relationship.

If you think that counselling as a couple would be beneficial, then you should try as best you can to get him to come with you by impressing upon him that you can't carry on with things as they are.

A relative of ours found it very helpful at Relate when they were having problems in their marriage.

Kimberley82

tango wrote: »

Did you suffer from depression before this relationship ?

A bit, its been mainly since our second child was born and i got PND

tango

Kimberley82 wrote: »

A bit, its been mainly since our second child was born and i got PND

When we ask for advice we normally know in our hearts what to do,but don't want to face up to.

When depressed, people wear a different pair of glasses to the rest . Until we get help, and are able to see properly we can't know that the decesions we have to make are the right ones.

Maybe you need some time out,a chance to breathe

xx

Bloomin_Freezing2

WestWalesWannabee wrote: »

Hi,

I can totally understand your predicament. I had a boyfriend for a year and a half, we broke up, spent 2 and a half years as very close friends and 3 months ago we got back together. We love each other so much but the last few weeks we've been constantly arguing. I'm not sure if we want different things as I'm 37 and want us to move in together and build a future and he's 38 still living at home. Neither of us have children and i would like to think that was where we were heading as he says he wants them too, but he doesn't seem keen to move out of home after us knowing each other nearly 5 years. The arguments the last couple of weeks have been horrendous and he's dumped me in anger a few times but then immediately regretted it about half an hour later and talked me round. So i'm in the same situation as you. I love him, but am not sure we're that compatible now and don't know if I should end it. I know that if I do, we won't manage to stay friends. He's told me that if we break up, that's it. Oh and i know that if we're arguing, we shouldn't even be considering moving in together and having children.

So.. what do we both do!!?? I don't want to lose him, but i don't think we're properly matched.

Sorry to hijack the thread but wanted to let you know that you're not on your own in a situation like this.

Is the reason you don't want to lose him the fact that you are scared of starting again, and teh fact that you are 37 (no offence) and want a family feel that he is your only option as you don't have enough time to meet someone new and make a family? At 38 years old and still living with hisparents, I cannot imagine he will ever be a good catch, sorry, but he has life too easy I bet.

Kimberly82 - I think a break would do you both the world of good, it's great that he wants to try and make things work. good luck x

kate1976

Unfortunately I have no advice but I do know exactly how you're feeling and just want to wish you well with whatever happens!

TooSad

Hi kimberley82

I'm going through something very similar, I have my own thread on here about my situation. My husband isn't living at home at the moment he hasn't been for the last 8+ weeks, I was devastated and still am very upset about it, but him moving out gave me the space to take back control of my life. Up until me being diagnosed with depression and him upping sticks I had no idea just how low I was.
Don't get me wrong it's carp going to bed on my own and it's rubbish cooking for one, but I have rediscovered me. The me who was buried under all the layers of sadness and grief, and do you know what I feel great about ME! I feel great, I look great and I feel the happiest I've felt in months. However the relationship getting back on track is still work in progress. If he hadnt have gone, I don't honestly think we would be where we are at now, which is tentatively rebuilding. I think having time away allows you to regroup and then reform into a new relationship if that us what you both want.

I feel for you I really do, I know I will keep having bad days but the bad days are few & far between now. I hope you find the answers you are looking for

Big hugs
TooSad xxxx