A Friendship Dilemma – I want to pay my way!!!

bluenoseam

If she genuinely feels that she wouldn't be able to take money off you, perhaps you could take her for a meal or to see a show and perhaps encourage more mothers (if you're in contact with any) to use her business a little more. I can understand where she's coming from to an extent, she's doing it as a favour to a friend & probably knows that by doing so you will be able to provide "word of mouth" which is probably as effective to small business as any advertising campaign or maybe sees it as a way of rewarding you for being so selfless with regards to your charitable work?

*Robin*

Arbroath lass makes a good point - will your child be taking a 'minded' place or not? If yes, then as your friend won't take cash, offering to buy a piece of play equipment / craft materials for her business is a good suggestion that she might accept and would appease her husband.

Going behind her back and paying her husband sounds like a really good way to cause trouble both between you and your friend, and her and her hubby - please don't do that.

flutterby_lil

Hi Rebecca
I like the idea of giving it to her husband (the money I mean lol) or buying some equipment or maybe an early learning voucher for her?

savingmummy

How about as others have already said buy her something to the same value of what you would of paid her.
She then gets a treat, and you have `paid her`

She sounds like a fab friend, i wouldn`t push her into taking money if she clearly don`t want it including her DH.

jackyann

I would certainly clear the air and say this MUST NOT spoil your friendship - however, I think that the key here may be that this is the day that you are doing charity work and not being paid yourself. In a similar position, I felt that this was my way of supporting a good cause that a friend was doing work for. If so, you might consider flagging her name up with them: "thanks to rebeccauk for her work here and thanks to her good friend who looked after her son and enabled her to do it".
And as for a gift - paying for a day out for you both (plus or minus kids) might be nice

gerdo

There could be legal / insurance issues if she is a registered child minder but you are not paying her. If the unthinkable happens and your child gets injured in her care, will he be covered under her childminders insurance?

clw1

As an aside are there any insurance or other issues she should consider ?? For example what is your child and another were playing and there was an accident etc - would she be covered ??

That said if she still won't take payment then I would insist on at least giving her a contribution towards food / trips etc and I would give her a gift or buy her tickets for a say out etc as a thankyou.

rebeccauk

Thank you all so much for the responses and some very good ideas. I have just called my friend and cleared the air, I apologised for the offer of money if I offended her and explained as you suggested that I just didn't want to feel endebted to her and wanted to make sure that she wasn't just being polite by refusing the money. She was happier with that and said it wasn't necessary at all and that I am her best friend and she would do anything for me! So nice!
Like you say I will find a way to repay her in kind - either a day out, a meal or some vouchers for equipment. Her business is fairly quiet at present because she is moving house (and area) in 4 months so she has passed up a couple of smaller babies because she didn't want to let their parents down a couple of months down the line so she is more looking for older children at present who don't tend to get as attached or find the transition from mother to childminder as hard and as it turns out on the day she will have my son she has no other children on her books so the issue of injury is not a worry thankfully. She will have her own kids on that day and my son which will make it less like a working day for her she says and more like a family day - maybe that is why she preferred not to have him on her books that day - less formality maybe of having to complete the paperwork, logs etc?!

We have compromised even further as I have promised her a payment when she moves house that my husband will come and help out with her handyman work that needs doing! He is a dab hand at anything practical and her hubby is ok but not as confident as mine so he will be on hand to help on the moving day and the subesquent weekends after. A fair deal I think!

Thank you all so much!

rachbc

brilliant solution - you get to help her out in return - but best of all its hubby who sctually has to do the work - like our thinking

Lara44

:rotfl: me too!