Can anyone recommend a book on parenting?

skypie123_2

I need to change my parenting style or at least pick up some tips as I'm feeling frazzled!
I have 3 children (two are biologically mine and also my step-son) and I seem to find myself shouting (which is useless they just stop listening) and they seem to run rings around me at times.
I know they don't come with a manual but I need to learn more on the skill of parenting so we can have more harmony in our house!
xxx

ohsoprecious

Hi there,
How old are the children?

I don't have any suggestions for books, but as a trainee teacher I have always found 'Supernanny' Jo Frosts advice excellent. Maybe she has a book?

x

kafkathecat

I don't think they will be popular choices here but I read 'How to talk so kids will listen' by Faber and Mazlish, 'Playful parenting' by Lawrence Cohen and 'Unconditional parenting' by Alfie Kohn. You could have a look on Amazon to see if they would be any use to you.

Sally42

Some local authorities run parenting classes ~ I went to one a few years ago (it was a series of 12 meets, two hours each, about 12 of us attended) which was run by a nurse and health visitor and which was brilliant, a variety of mums and dads from a variety of backgrounds, some with extremely difficult children, others who simply wanted a bit of support and back-up. Why not have an ask around and see what you can come up with, maybe ask your gp, health visitor or see if they could point you in the right direction?

skipsmum

I got sent the Netmums book You and Your Tween to review. Its got some good advice in it - Ive read it now so if you PM your address I'll post it on to you

kingfisherblue

Our local Surestart centres all have parenting classes, which I believe are free.

Whatever you decide to do, keep the boundaries clear and keep them the same all the time - don't chop and change, as children will not know where they are with you. I find that keeping my voice quiet and getting the children to look at me helps. I speak quietly and firmly (unless I am really, really cross!). I don't keep giving chances - I count to three (no 'two and a half, two and three quarters...'). If the behaviour has not stopped, it is punished. I rarely have to say more than 'one'.

I always expect an apology for bad behaviour. Once given, I tell my children that I still love them, but I am disappointed in how they have behaved. Then we move on. I don't bear grudges or keep referring to what happened last time.

Once you have established set rules, it does become easier.

Good luck.

bluenoseam

i could suggest War & Peace, that ought to get the point across if you bash em on the head with it :rotfl: (yay, the OMG you can't hit kids brigade will love that!)

But i think a book on finding calm & diplomacy measures might be a good idea, your parenting might not be the issue more your inability to remain calm & convince them to do as you're telling them, once you get that sorted you shouldn't be feeling as flustered and if you are, well, i refer you to my first point!

skypie123_2

Thanks everyone! Lots of ideas of books and areas of support to look at. The kids are 5, 10 and 12 and my eldest is Dyspraxic so not the easiest child at times.
I know I need to stay calm to get my point across, its just remembering it I will check out those books on Amazon and also contact Sure Start! It almost feels like I've failed at being a parent going to parenting classes. Don't know why I can't do what comes naturally to so many people!
xxx

Hobo17

skypie123 wrote: »

. Don't know why I can't do what comes naturally to so many people!
xxx

I'm pretty sure it doesn't come naturally to many people... they have just practised biting their tongue and holding their breath and got better at it. I know it's certainly a skill I had to learn with my stepdaughter, it didn't come easily to me and i had to work very hard to figure out when i was just shouting pointlessly and wasn't getting anywhere with her. Certainly I don't think anyone will think you have failed by going to parenting classes - if you didn't care and want to be the best parent you could be, you wouldn't bother. Your children are lucky to have you.

skypie123_2

Hobo thank you for your lovely words!
I do find it hard with all the different dynamics in our house and struggle with it sometimes. It affects my whole day if I have shouted in the morning before school. I need to find new ways and will be trying your 'biting tongue and holding breath' technique so keep your fingers crossed it works for me too!
xxx

bigmomma051204

Depends on how old your children are and also what services are available in your area. I would recommend trying to find your local children's centre (ask your hv as they should know if google doesnt bring anything up) - they do family support (really low key and NOT like social services at all...) and also parenting programmes.

A book which is used on a parenting course i run is The Parenting Puzzle http://www.amazon.co.uk/Parenting-Puzzle-Best-Family-Life/dp/0954470907 (pricey - Ebay it!) It is a fab book (best with the course though, of course!) but it has really good ideas in and honestly it is VERY helpful! Every parent who has come on the course, even the ones who cant "do" courses and drop out half way through lol, say that is has something helpful in there. Choices and consequences is a VERY good way of getting better behaviour (in the book it is VERY well explained) and also it helps u face things like talking about sex as they get older. Really Good

Edit - just read more of your posts lol.... Parenting classes are for everyone NOT just the dodgy parents... we get ALL sorts on ours i promise!! It just shows u want to make life better for your kids and for your family unit as a whole )

The book i recommended will definitely work with all the ages of your kids - i shall be honest, i use some of the ideas in there on my Husband who is 33years LOL ;oD