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potential split, not enough income

blondie1982_2
Posts: 32 Forumite
I need some help
I have a lot of debt and currently I am managing ok as I have my partners wage plus mine. However I am not sure that me and my partner will be together for much longer and if we break up I am not sure how on earth I will survive.
I worked out without his wage and this is without any disposable income for toileteries, clothes, transport etc I am -350 a month with my wage.
I would get a lodger in to help, but realistically I am going to only get 300 at the most.
So I am still going to be in trouble.
The trouble is I owe lots of money to 3 family members, which in total is 310 pounds a month I pay back to them. I CANNOT reduce these, I really cannot.
Other debts are credit card (150 a month) and outstanding gas and electric (80 a month), council tax (40 a month) that never got paid before. Oh and overdraft fees too (50 a month)
I cannot move somewhere cheaper as I do not have any money for deposits, fees, rent upfront etc. Plus I would only be able to get a 1 bedroom flat, so would lose the potential rent off a lodger.
To make matters worse I have a CCJ from a problem with Barclays years ago, so no option to consolidate debt or to move to a better rate credit card as no one will give me credit.
The debt occurred because my partner was out of work for a long time. I also left my husband for him and went a bit crazy with the spending initially.
I am also still on a mortgage with my husband as although he can afford it alone, the mortgage company wont let him take it over alone. So I agreed to stay on it.
Not sure what to do I am in a big hole and have not a clue what to do.
Thank you for any help you can give me.
I have a lot of debt and currently I am managing ok as I have my partners wage plus mine. However I am not sure that me and my partner will be together for much longer and if we break up I am not sure how on earth I will survive.
I worked out without his wage and this is without any disposable income for toileteries, clothes, transport etc I am -350 a month with my wage.
I would get a lodger in to help, but realistically I am going to only get 300 at the most.
So I am still going to be in trouble.
The trouble is I owe lots of money to 3 family members, which in total is 310 pounds a month I pay back to them. I CANNOT reduce these, I really cannot.
Other debts are credit card (150 a month) and outstanding gas and electric (80 a month), council tax (40 a month) that never got paid before. Oh and overdraft fees too (50 a month)
I cannot move somewhere cheaper as I do not have any money for deposits, fees, rent upfront etc. Plus I would only be able to get a 1 bedroom flat, so would lose the potential rent off a lodger.
To make matters worse I have a CCJ from a problem with Barclays years ago, so no option to consolidate debt or to move to a better rate credit card as no one will give me credit.
The debt occurred because my partner was out of work for a long time. I also left my husband for him and went a bit crazy with the spending initially.
I am also still on a mortgage with my husband as although he can afford it alone, the mortgage company wont let him take it over alone. So I agreed to stay on it.
Not sure what to do I am in a big hole and have not a clue what to do.
Thank you for any help you can give me.
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Comments
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Hi Blondie
If you look at the stickie threads fill out an SOA (statement of affairs) and see how it all really looks.
Are you preparing yourself for a split or are you just going through a rough time ?0 -
Hi blondie and welcome
Sorry to hear the position you are in, its really hard to feel tied to a relationship through finances.
Often new users are asked to post a statement of affairs to help us understand their finances and offer advice, in your case it might be useful if you could post up a statement of affairs as your finances would be if you split with your partner. This is the format we use - http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
Would you be eligible for any benefits if you just had your own income? working tax credits or similar?, could you increase your income/do extra hours at work?
Regarding your debts - you mention the gas, elec & council tax arrears - presumably these were run up by both your and partner equally? whose name are they all in? do you think you are likely to break up in an amicable way and would he be likely to take responsibility for some of these debts (not suggesting your rely on him to do this - but do you think its likely)? If any of the bills are also in his name he is jointly liable as well and could also be pursued for the money by the creditors.
Anyway just something to consider - but it would help if you could complete a statement of affairs (do include the transport, clothing costs etc you mentioned in your post to give a true picture).A smile enriches those who receive without making poorer those who giveor "It costs nowt to be nice"0 -
Hiya
Thank you so much for your replies, will look at the section you are talking about.
I am preparing for the split, long story really but he has kids and even after 2.5 years, I am still not allowed to have anything to do with them. Christmas I am always alone, im not even allowed near his parents house incase the ex wife sees. I just think I am worth more then that.
All the debt is in my name unfortunatly and I have no kids so not intitled to any benefits.
Although I would hope we would split amicably I dont think we will as ultimatly we both love eachother and he would hate me for not being more patient and I will hate him for not just standing up to the ex wife.
I am on a salary, and where I work if you are on a salary you do not get extra money for overtime.
I could get a part time job for the evening or weekends, but I am diabetic and get very tired sometimes, so I think it would sent me over the edge. lol.
Feel like giving up sometimes.0 -
Hi
Just want to wish you good luck and congrats on realising that you are worth more. As other Posters have said draft a SOA some pleople on here may be able to offer good advice to reduce bills !£10 a day challange Feb 27/435 Jan 530/465
2012 to pay off CC
After snowballing should be debt free by Mar 2016
2011 Target to be overdraft free this year and get debt down!0 -
Couldn't just read and run. That sounds like a bad situation, can you see your partner changing at all? If not, is there anyway you can make more money by getting a part time job to make up the missing ammount? I know how scared you must be, and how depressed but this will pass. You may even meet someone who can have you 100% in their life, or the thought of losing you might be the wake up call your partner needs.
However, you should work on fixing up your finances so you are not dependent on another person and you can do this. There are plenty of people here who can give you great advice. It might feel hopeless right now, but there are always solutions.[STRIKE]£1900[/STRIKE], [STRIKE]£1750 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1685 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1601 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1478[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1325 [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1162[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£1050 [/STRIKE] £970 worth of debt to clear
Time to change my attitudes towards money, its maths, not magic. If I can't afford it, I cant have it. Simples.
Goal 1: Clear debts
Goal 2: Learn how to save0 -
thank you for your messages.
I wish my partner would see sense, but he already said that he cannot see anything changing until they are divorced. I have said give it until November and see if it gives him the urge to do something. I cant bear the thought of another christmas alone.
Its such a sad situation.0 -
I have been with my GF for 8 months after my wife left me and took the kids 150 miles south, I travel to see them every other weekend and foot the bill for a hotel etc. Likewise my ex has made it very difficult for me to introduce my kids to my GF and she has still never met them. I dont want to jeapordise my relationship with them and unfortunately for her they will always come first, Harsh words to hear but its quite common. I am even taking them on holdiday abroad in July on my own whilst my ex takes them away with her new boyfriend, weak, no I'm not but she holds the strings and if I kick up a fuss then I am refused access to see them.0
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Blondie - Tough times for you! I think that as you have a deadline in mind, it would be worth you starting to try and clear as much of your debt as possible now, leaving you in a better position if the worst comes to the worst in November.
No spend days, change pots, batch cooking, cashback sites are just a few changes you can make, and in a non-obvious way too!
Wishing you all the best, Nats xstart = Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225
end = Mon 28th Sept 2015 DEBT FREE!
I love a good plan - it may not work.... but I love a good plan!0 -
Hi Blondie,
have you tried somewhere like CAB to get some advice on what benefits you might be entitled to if you were on your own - just because you have no kids doesn't mean you can't get any help. If you work over 30 hours on a low income (which it sounds like you might!) then should be able to get working tax credits and again depending on income could get help with rent and council tax. How much longer will you be making those payments to family members? You could look at getting a dmp to make reduced payments to your debts but I think most debt charities wouldn't want you to make disproportionate payments to family.0 -
Hi
I don't post much anymore but felt I had to post. I had a couple of questions and didn't want to presume anything!
Do his parents accept you at other family events?
Do you lose him every Christmas?
Have you set a boundary time i.e I will give you 3 years to integrate me into all of your lives I am your wife?
Is his access court determined? If so there is a potential jail sentence if she creates a fuss and refuses him access?
Is there something we don't know life did he leave her for you? If so this could be part of the issue.
I have various friends at various stages but it is completely unreasonable for him to expect you to just say "Oh ok" it's a huge bit of his life and if you have a child what is the plan? I don't feel from your message you want to leave but I can see why you'd feel little choice.
Financially there are lots of options but the "she'll take the children" doesn't cut it I had a friend whose wife did that she was fined and found in contempt of court - the courts they are a changing. Also dont' forget you don't know what she's telling the children about you - how old are they? because again sorry a friend found the support of his stepmother amazing and values their relationship - the children are missing out on someone who by the sounds of it is full of love.
Don't quit just get but set small goals, boundaries and only if then he refuses then you may need to leave - give him a chance to see what is has and what he's losing - suggest a short term separation with him moving out, it'll show both of you how you'd cope and perhaps wake him up?
I know this is more relationship advice than debt and i'll be back with more later and apologies if it's a rant!
XLooking for solutions and hoping for a miracle!0
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