Weekly Flylady Thread 27th June 2011

20somethinghousewife

MRS AKA I'm so glad you're okay, was really worried after reading your last post. I think you've done the right thing by collecting evidence, just be careful if you show it to his family (don't know if they'll react badly and destroy it?), make sure you have copies protected. Phone calls you can ignore but if he comes to your house, please call the police immediately, from what you've said you're not safe if he's around. Please follow the excellent advice everyone on here's already given you. Take more time off work if you need it, go stay somewhere else if you can.

I know it's not the same thing at all but I had problems with my bro-in-law very recently, he moved in with us for about 8 months and it was hell. He wasn't physically abusive towards me but it was psychological and he treated me with no respect at all. Like I said, it's not the same but I understand how you're in a bad place like I was then and didn't recognise myself because of the way it made me think and act. I shut myself away because I was scared of what I'd become.
Hopefully now he's gone you're be able to start to heal and get back to how you were before. I found once my Bro-in-law left the stress went pretty quickly but there are deeper wounds that will take some time to heal... but it's only been a month. Hope he leaves you alone so you can move on.
Sorry this probably isn't helping but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you x

bargainhunterss

Afternoon/evening all, hope were all well!

Missus - I really hope you've managed to get out of that horrible situation with the brother, he sounds like a piece of work! I'll second what everyone else has said about going to the police; maybe that's the thing that will make him see sense (and if not keep him away!) BIG hugs for you and yours and things WILL get better!
Flylady stuff....
Monday - Sitting Room and Hallway All done! :T
Level One
Vacuum floors[STRIKE] and sofas![/STRIKE]
Level Three
HHC in the hallway.. vacuum floors/stairs



Tuesday ~ Kitchen and Dining Mess
Level One
Sweep, vacuum and mop floors
Declutter and wipe worksurfaces
Oven and hob cleaning week... and it is level one so none of you can get out of it..
Level Two
Wipe table replacing cloth if necessary..
[STRIKE]Clear out a cupboard.. the larder unit or pantry if you have one or just the general messiness of cupboard.. the one where you stuff all things useless. [/STRIKE]

Extras

1. Clean out the smelly fridge
2. Scrub sink and shine the taps!

Wednesday - Bathroom and Study/Pc Area
Level One
Clean floors in these rooms
Clean baths, toilets, don't forget the outside! and sinks
Level Two
[STRIKE]Clear any clutter from desk [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Dust PC and desk and wipe off those cup rings!![/STRIKE]

Level Three
Scrub down tiles in bathroom
Empty and clean out all the upstairs bins!
Clean shower screen/curtain if you have one/if required
[STRIKE]Collect all the dirty laundry (OH is doing this during the day + doing WM x 2)[/STRIKE]

Extra
[STRIKE]Fling all those empty bottles and tubes
[/STRIKE]

I would like to say I've been the one whizzing round doing all this but it was the OH! Got home and the house was all ship shape! Just got the niggly things left to do now like the hob and the kitchen sink (bleugh:(!)


Over and out! xxx

Ps. does anyone have any tips on how to (easily) clean the bottom of a shower curtain? its got that orangey stuff on it and I hate that! It makes the whole room feel dirty!

greenbee

Monday - Sitting Room and Hallway

Level One
[STRIKE]Vacuum floors and sofas!
Declutter the chairs, floor and top of any cupboards![/STRIKE] Coffee table still to do... but it wasn't on the list
Level Two
[STRIKE]Vacuum under any furniture you can.. please don't injure yourselves! [/STRIKE]
Sort out coats, shoes and bags
Clean any ornaments, glass, mirrors, pictures etc
Level Three
[STRIKE]Wipe paintwork and dusty places[/STRIKE]
HHC in the hallway.. vacuum floors/stairs, wipe paintwork, fling that junk mail!.. if there is a charity shop bag.. FILL IT!.
Empty and wash out vacuum cleaner.. don't forget filters! .. I'll do this one at the end of the week.

Extras

1. HHI no chance

[STRIKE]Clean switches and sockets
Wipe the windows in these areas
[/STRIKE]Tuesday ~ Kitchen and Dining Mess
Wipe the tops of the wall units.. lining them with old wallpaper or newspaper keeps them clean!

Wednesday - Bathroom and Study/Pc Area
Level One
Clean floors in these rooms
Clean baths, [STRIKE]toilets[/STRIKE], don't forget the outside! and sinks.. shine the taps with a toothbrush
Level Two
Clear any clutter from desk that might take some time...
Dust PC and desk and wipe off those cup rings!!
Wipe keyboard, house phone, sockets, switches and mouse etc
Level Three
Wash your bathroom mats, nets, clean blind/curtains etc
Scrub down tiles in bathroom.. defragment your pc while doing this.
Empty and clean out all the upstairs bins!
Clean shower screen/curtain if you have one/if required
[STRIKE]Collect all the dirty laundry [/STRIKE] now the windows are finished, I might be able to wash some of it...

Extra

1. Wipe the skirtings, door and window frames in these rooms
2. Fling all those empty bottles and tubes
3. replace any sponges, flannels, toiletries that need it

My deep cleaning is going well... it is particularly effective as a work avoidance activity but hopefully once its done, i'll be able to keep on top of things by doing my 30 minutes a day. The only thing I really need to do that hasn't been done for several years is empty the bookcases and clean them out, and dust the books... but that might be considered excessive!

The guy who painted the windows has taken my chest freezer, and left me some strimmer cable. He's also going to do some work in the garden for me, as its a HUGE frog that I don't seem to be able to get to grips with. If I can get the major work done, I should be able to maintain the rest.

Off to finish the living room and contemplate the hall! And ignore the mowing till tomorrow...:o

kazwookie

Missus~~ please take care, I still think you should call the police and chat to them, at least things will be logged with them.

Daily stuff done
My car is back
OH is out on his bike
Garage swept out
Cat combed

Hugs all round x

Triker

Missus_Aka wrote: »

Just to update everyone who has advised me....

last night he text me first text saying 'sis' next one said 'call me', i turned off my phone. this morning he called me on the house phone obv i dont know who it is as i have no caller id told him to leave me alone and he kept apologising, saying im his sister and that he cares about me, i ended up screaming at him on the phone (basically everything i had ever wanted to say but couldnt because i was walking on eggshells before) and told him if that he cared he would do whats best for me and leave me alone, that was the end of the conversation. Then he called again saying he was sorry again, asking me to meet him, what could he do to make it better he didnt feel right leaving things this way so i told him if i have to live with what he has done to me he can live not feeling right with what he done to me and not to expect me to make him feel better and i told him that if he doesnt stop contacting me i will have him brought up on charges, he had always said 'what proof have u got i will say your lying because i caught you cheating' so i had started keeping evidence in different places with different people for security, photos, recordings at the moment im trying to get it all together to show firstly his family so they can hear exactly whats going on and i will decide where to go from there, older brother had said if he comes to the house to call him straight away and the police if needed and not to worry about what will happen afterwards. so i told him to seek professional help and stop inflicting his problems on me

his family has always had problems with him, he is a career criminal who has never really been caught, he smokes weed (which i think contributes) his family have seen his anger problem but they were just surprised because to outsiders we got on really well and they asked why i never told them before...the reason im so scared to tell oh is because they have got into it before with each other and the brother has pulled a knife and a metal pole resulting in them both being hospitalised on different occasions and thats over really minor things like him being called an idiot so to let this loose im scared something irreparable will happen. my sister (21) now knows as well and i think i will tell my stepdad, i just need to clear my head its been so clouded recently by these events.....im not the same person anymore, im anxious, depressed and no longer leave the house apart from to go work (by going out i dont mean clubbing/going to bars as i never liked it more like going to the shops) before i used to be out everyday to the park, to my mums, just walk to tescos just for the walk really. I got to the point where i daydreamed about slitting my wrists and it would scare me that those thoughts would even enter my head...especially when i have my son to think of, im thinking about getting some counselling. Everyone at works knows to a varying degree and that have been really supportive, i have the next couple of weeks off on holiday anyway as it had been already booked so i could spend time with oh when he comes out. I read my post back to myself yesterday and its like its somebody else and im watching from the window i cant associate all this with my life for some reason even though i feel its effects.

going to do some flying i havent done much today just a hoover and a quick pick up of things but the house doesnt need much just a wipe down and some folding of clothes

Right, sorry to have to say this but you are being too reasonable and too soft.

I'm not normally this blunt but you have a responsibility to protect your son here, never mind that bluddy defenceless kitten he threatened to kill...if you don't and when something else does happen, you will be held responsible for failing to protect your child from someone who is clearly deranged, psychotic, manipulative and very, very dangerous.

Who you know is!


Do something, stop trying to 'keep it in the family' it's gone too far and the question people will ask about the next incident (and there will be one) will be why didn't you tell people before if it was so bad.


By not calling in the police you have no 'evidence' so to speak in the criminal arena....therefore he can argue nothing happened or you are not consistent.

I say all this as sometimes through my work I have to pick up the pieces afterwards with victims of similar behaviour and it isn't pleasant.


His tactics to blackmail, demean, dehumanise you are old hat, all perpetrators do them, scum that they are...generally the police know this and so can advise.

Please ring them NOW!.

outofmoney

wendywitch wrote: »

Really? Where abouts are you then?

I've done Mr.T's and the vets, my purse is alot lighter now!! :eek:
Off to do the bathroom now

About a 5 minute walk from Mr T far too near to Harvesters!

wendywitch

outofmoney wrote: »

About a 5 minute walk from Mr T far too near to Harvesters!

AHH lol, I'm less than 5 minutes from St Peters bike shop, the Chinese, the Indian, the chippy . . . .

toochoosey

Lost internet for most of the afternoon, but dailies all done, beds stripped washed and remade.

DD did really well in sports day

Got a nice picnic rucksack in Tesco(Thanks for all the help xx)

Chilling with the telly now xx

Frittered_Away

Wednesday - Bathroom and Study/Pc Area
Level One
Clean floors in these rooms
Level Three
Wash your bathroom mats, nets, clean blind/curtains etc
Collect all the dirty laundry
Extra

1. Wipe the skirtings, door and window frames in these rooms
2. Fling all those empty bottles and tubes

Deleted = done. Phew! Just had a whole hour or something scrubbing the bathroom. Desk decluttered, vanity unit decluttered, PC defragged, bath, toilet and sink cleaned. I opened a pack of parozone wipes (I know, I know, my cleaning isn't particularly OS but shhhh) and the plastic seal had perished shows how often my bathroom gets cleaned! It doesn't get used either though - it's got a bath, and I hate baths. We don't have room for a shower in it sadly. So it's used (by me) for the toilet and sink.

sharonr

Urgh, I feel really awful. Full of cold.

Started great on Monday - acheived level 3 and all the extras for the first time ever, yesterday started to feel rubbish so just had a ss of kitchen and quick tidy up. Fell asleep at 8pm last night and decided to go to bed then slept thru the alarm this morning.

So, decided to take a day off from housework today. Watched a chick flick whilst baby DS was in bed, then dragged myself to DDs school play. Have got 3.5 bin bags of clothes to be collected tomorrow plus about half another bag of various stuff to be collected by Freecyclers tomorrow. Decluttering continues...

Might do some flying in the morning then have a sleep in the afternoon.