Please can somebody help - getting desperate!

alexisemma31

Thanks everybody for your replies, for those who apologised for not 'judging' me, please don't; I appreciate everybody's opinions, views and suggestions. I've never been in this situation before, so any advice is very valuable.

I would like to answer just a couple of queries that were raised by one or two posters.

With regards to my son's uni application/accommodation costs, the maximum loan he can get is just short of £5000 and the accommodation is £4200 per year, so there is £800 left for him to live off all year. He may have to get a job if we are still in this position so I'm not too worried about that at the moment.

Neither of the children qualified for ema, so I had to fund the bus fares. It is more expensive for hubby to run the kids to college and collect them as it is 7 miles away and so could have been doing nearly 30 miles a day which would work out much more expensive than the bus fares. And the idea to insure them on the car is a no no - have you seen how much insurance is????

The idea for glasses is a possibility, although my contact lenses are only £20 a month, so not exactly a fortune.

I know we are running two cars, but I work full time and need it for work, and hubby is disabled and so needs it to get round; to the shop, interviews etc.

I haven't claimed any working families tax credits etc. as I was hoping hubby would be working, but I may need to put a claim in now we aren't entitled to anything else.

Many thanks to everyone who replied, I really am very grateful.

Oldernotwiser

alexisemma31 wrote: »

Thanks everybody for your replies, for those who apologised for not 'judging' me, please don't; I appreciate everybody's opinions, views and suggestions. I've never been in this situation before, so any advice is very valuable.

I would like to answer just a couple of queries that were raised by one or two posters.

With regards to my son's uni application/accommodation costs, the maximum loan he can get is just short of £5000 and the accommodation is £4200 per year, so there is £800 left for him to live off all year. He may have to get a job if we are still in this position so I'm not too worried about that at the moment.

Neither of the children qualified for ema, so I had to fund the bus fares. It is more expensive for hubby to run the kids to college and collect them as it is 7 miles away and so could have been doing nearly 30 miles a day which would work out much more expensive than the bus fares. And the idea to insure them on the car is a no no - have you seen how much insurance is????

The idea for glasses is a possibility, although my contact lenses are only £20 a month, so not exactly a fortune.

I know we are running two cars, but I work full time and need it for work, and hubby is disabled and so needs it to get round; to the shop, interviews etc.

I haven't claimed any working families tax credits etc. as I was hoping hubby would be working, but I may need to put a claim in now we aren't entitled to anything else.

Many thanks to everyone who replied, I really am very grateful.

Now your income is £38,000, your son should be eligible for a maintenance grant of £700. Although some of this will reduce his loan it will give him a little more and a slightly smaller loan. He might also want to look at cheaper accommodation now that things have changed.

Although I can see you would like to keep running two cars, assuming they are quite expensive, have you looked at getting something cheaper for your husband?

Ames

Hi, I'm usually a DFW, so I'll approach this from that angle.

alexisemma31 wrote: »

thanks everybody for your replies.

I know £38000 is a good salary and I work hard for it! But out of my net salary - £1800 a month - £250 is interest only mortgage payment, we should be paying a further £350 home improvement loan (but haven't paid this for 6 months), £130 council tax, houselhold bills come to a further £500 This is really high. You need to change the way you look at things - you say contacts at £20 isn't a lot, but it is when you're missing council tax payments. You really need to reassess your priorities. I've just bought a pair of prescription sunglasses for £30 from Glasses Direct, and you can get specs a lot cheaper than that on there. What's more important, your home or your contacts?, I need about £200 a month for petrol Make sure you're driving economically - don't have loads of stuff in the boot, engine brake, be light on the right foot., and the rest (!) is for food, which I have had to cut to approx £100 a month for 4 adults You've had to cut it to £100 a month for two adults. The other two adults should be at the very least contributingn towards their food, if not their lodgings and share of bills. I'm disabled and had to give a share of my benefits from 16 when I was at home. Think of it as helping them get ready for uni - they'll have an idea of costs rather than just looking at the 2k overdraft and heading for the local pub.. I've had car tax and MOT last month which hit us too, but without my car I can't work. From now on you need to put aside each month for that.

Thanks for the link to the job centre direct, but I can assure that my hubby searches it every day as well as being registered with totaljobs, reed etc. etc.

I haven't claimed working families tax credit or any other benefits as we hoped hubby would be back in work quickly, but it hasn't happened.

Is there really nothing we can do or claim? I don't know how long I can handle all the stress of my job, support my hubby, juggle all the household finances.

I haven't asked the kids to contribute as I've tried to shelter them from the position we are in Adults, not kids. They're old enough not to be 'sheltered'. You're an adult - if your parents were in trouble would you want them to 'shelter' you? of course not, you'd want to help. You need to start seeing your sons as adults in all things..

alexisemma31 wrote: »

Some great ideas, thanks.

You think £500 for houselhold bills is a lot? £150 gas & electric Get this as low as you can - turn off at the switch, don't have heating on unless you've tried an extra jumper first, if it's the sons who have loads of gadgets get them to contribute. Also, if it's just been an estimated bill for a while, do your own reading and see if you're owed anything back. Check uswitch to see if you can get a better deal., £60 water Try and find out if a meter would be cheaper, you can have it removed for free within a year if it's not., union payment, house insurance, car insurance (x2), telephone, boiler insurance for all the insurances check to make sure you're getting the best deal, and if you change at renewal time get cashback., contact lenses, and there's probably more than I;ve mentioned here.

I don't have £160 spare I can assure you. Like I said earlier last month was car tax & MOT, so couldn't pay council tax. I have been paying £160 a month (£20 each a week x2) for the kids' bus fares to college, but they have finished after this week, so that will be a little more. (but have to fund son's uni accommodation from sept!! No, you don't. your parents aren't paying your mortgage, why should your son expect you to pay his rent?)

I'm sorry if that's blunt, but you really need to work out a proper budget, including everything, and stick to it. Stop shielding your sons, they're old enough to know the real situation. And frankly, if you carry on missing council tax payments then they'll find out soon enough when bailiffs appear. (Note - that wont happen if you sort out the mess now, but if you carry on drifting then it's a real possibility). The snotty letter you got is the first step in court proceedings and recovery measures, you CAN'T ignore it.

So, council tax has to be your main priority, because they don't mess around (it's even possible to go to prison for non payment, but that's a looooooong way down the road and only if you continue to not pay).

Another good idea is to get a cheap notebook and keep track of everything you spend, right down to the odd pence here and there. You should have £160 a month left, it's vital that you know where it's going.

If your husband isn't using his car, or not much, could you drop his insurance to 3rd part F&T instead of fully comp?

alexisemma31

Ames wrote: »

Hi, I'm usually a DFW, so I'll approach this from that angle.





I'm sorry if that's blunt, but you really need to work out a proper budget, including everything, and stick to it. Stop shielding your sons, they're old enough to know the real situation. And frankly, if you carry on missing council tax payments then they'll find out soon enough when bailiffs appear. (Note - that wont happen if you sort out the mess now, but if you carry on drifting then it's a real possibility). The snotty letter you got is the first step in court proceedings and recovery measures, you CAN'T ignore it.

So, council tax has to be your main priority, because they don't mess around (it's even possible to go to prison for non payment, but that's a looooooong way down the road and only if you continue to not pay).

Another good idea is to get a cheap notebook and keep track of everything you spend, right down to the odd pence here and there. You should have £160 a month left, it's vital that you know where it's going.

If your husband isn't using his car, or not much, could you drop his insurance to 3rd part F&T instead of fully comp?

Thank you for your really useful post. I really do appreciate your time. And you are quite right I do need to be writing everything down and tracking every £££. To be honest, I really thought hubby would be back in work quickly and it isn't happening as quickly as we need.

Like you say my priorities have to be mortgage and council tax, but when you are faced with car tax and MOT (and I need my car for work) or paying council tax or feeding your family, I didn't have any other choice. Hindsight is a wonderful thing; I should have been putting money aside monthly but I didn't think hubby would be unemployed for over 6 months! That is what spurred me on to say we needed to be making a benefit claim (which we have never done before) and it has come as a bit of a shock that we aren't entitled to anything.

It just stings a little when you've paid thousands and thousands into the tax/NI system, working full time all our adult lives (as we should have been) and when you need a little help, there's none available; and I'm not turning this into a bashing of others, but I was in my local shop on Sunday buying some milk behind a yong lad about 20ish buying 4 cans of stella and a bottle of cider, the shopkeeper asked him if he was having a party and he replied that was JSA was for!!!! Grrrrrrr:mad:

Muttleythefrog

alexisemma31 wrote: »

Many thanks to everyone who replied, I really am very grateful.

I think you've had some good advice but I really do think a gear shift in mentality.. including the children will be necessary. I was going to offer advice in terms of cost cutting but I'm not sure I'm in the same ball park of thinking...of lifestyle... I can go all winter without using gas for example..lol.. and £5 a week on food is easily achievable to me... so is spending less than 20 or 30 quid a year regarding contact lenses... and keeping travel costs to close to zero...lol. I have a shower about once every 2 months (definitely don't advise that!)

Things like contact lenses.. £20 a month sounds like you're on some sort of plan for example.. for replacements and solutions... and that inevitably is going to be robbery minus the mask.. buy lenses in bulk online, solutions at best prices. Bills.. utilities definitely should be able to save. And definitely something like a water meter if you haven't got one... even my brother who washes his dogs daily in the bath and cleans their muck out of the yard with his pressure washer has saved plenty switching to metred. But gas and electric will be areas to look at. Some sacrifices may have to be made. What you're spending on food does seem okay. But there may come a point you have to decide what really is a necessity. And council tax and mortgage definitely needs to head to top of list. Plenty home made soups, stews, curries, chillies.. baked potatoes time maybe..lol

alexisemma31

Muttleythefrog wrote: »

I think you've had some good advice but I really do think a gear shift in mentality.. including the children will be necessary. I was going to offer advice in terms of cost cutting but I'm not sure I'm in the same ball park of thinking...of lifestyle... I can go all winter without using gas for example..lol.. and £5 a week on food is easily achievable to me... so is spending less than 20 or 30 quid a year regarding contact lenses... and keeping travel costs to close to zero...lol. I have a shower about once every 2 months (definitely don't advise that!)

Things like contact lenses.. £20 a month sounds like you're on some sort of plan for example.. for replacements and solutions... and that inevitably is going to be robbery minus the mask.. buy lenses in bulk online, solutions at best prices. Bills.. utilities definitely should be able to save. And definitely something like a water meter if you haven't got one... even my brother who washes his dogs daily in the bath and cleans their muck out of the yard with his pressure washer has saved plenty switching to metred. But gas and electric will be areas to look at. Some sacrifices may have to be made. What you're spending on food does seem okay. But there may come a point you have to decide what really is a necessity. And council tax and mortgage definitely needs to head to top of list. Plenty home made soups, stews, curries, chillies.. baked potatoes time maybe..lol

Again, some fab suggestions.

Yes, I am on a contact lens scheme but due to having a serious eye ulcer a couple of years ago I have to have my eye checked every 3 months so buying online is a no-no as get these checks done 'free' as part of my plan. Glasses is definitely going to be the best option.

The curries, stews, jacket spuds have been our diet for the last 6 months lol!!!!

Sambucus_Nigra

Did you do your proper SOA yet?

CountryGuy

I always find winter months so much cheaper for cooking meals - soups, stews etc. Freeze any left overs for another time.

I'm wondering if you have phoned your gas and electric. Ask them to drop the monthly payments for the summer months (providing you don't owe them) as you shouldn't be using them as much. Remember to ring them again for the winter months and pay more. Unless of course by then you have learnt how to not use gas and electricity as much and you are up for the challenge during the winter months :-)

Use a steamer to cook all your veg at the same time with the same amount of energy, rather than cooking them all in different pans on the stove.

get all lovey dovey again with your oh, share a shower or bath, if feeling cold drag the duvet down and snuggle under it together on the sofa.

Buy as much of your food as you can from the local market (much cheaper than leading supermarkets) AND if you go last thing Saturday just before they are closing up, you can get some really good bargains.

also, simple things like not filling the kettle, only put the amount you need in for your brew lol

It can become quite addictive cutting back and it definitely does make your money go further.

Good luck

skintandscared_2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

The OP works full time!

They may still be entitled to something if they needed to help their OH, e.g. get in/out of the bath, dress themselves, with eating, etc. You don't have to be there 24/7.

calleyw

CountryGuy wrote: »

Use a steamer to cook all your veg at the same time with the same amount of energy, rather than cooking them all in different pans on the stove.

Or you can bring up to the rolling boil then switch off.

Well that is what a book I read suggested. I have sort of tried it but I use frozen veg which takes longer to cook any way.

Yours

Calley