Parents friends

ellies_angel

My other half's daughter in getting married and he is paying for it. It is going to be a fairly large wedding, she had gone over her numbers when I asked her if she had made any provision for the fact her dad, and MIL (to be) might like to have some people there. No was the answer, however her other half called last night to ask who we would like to ask. He asked how many we could invite. The people we want coming are friends of the family who have watched her grow up. Wouldn't dream of asking anyone she didn't know and equally don't expect to have our listed vetted.

MrsDrink

tryingtobetheperfectHW wrote: »

If I'm going to fork amount a £40 per head for a meal, it's gonna be some one I know and like eating it!!

I may possibly have different thoughts if I was paying such an amount for friends/family of our parents. (As Ellies Angel's said though - I would only condone people I actually know - not some work friend of my mums who I've never met). As it is we'll be paying around £2.50 a head for food (doing our own buffet) and around £6 a head for alcohol (doing our own bar). So I guess I don't mind a few extras being with us, as long as all our close friends are invited.

trinity_enigma

ellies_angel wrote: »

My other half's daughter in getting married and he is paying for it. It is going to be a fairly large wedding, she had gone over her numbers when I asked her if she had made any provision for the fact her dad, and MIL (to be) might like to have some people there. No was the answer, however her other half called last night to ask who we would like to ask. He asked how many we could invite. The people we want coming are friends of the family who have watched her grow up. Wouldn't dream of asking anyone she didn't know and equally don't expect to have our listed vetted.

I wouldn't have minded too much if we had been asked if there had been any provision made but as it was they repeatedly asked to see the guest list and then went off on one about how inconsiderate we were for not adding a space for him to put some people on to the guest list. Apparently it was a 'slap in the face' which I personally feel is a bit harsh (not to mention it was while we were having after dinner coffees for a not so cheap meal I had just taken him out for which is just plain rude).

I did think it could have gone better if he had mentioned that he would like to invite some people if that would be ok? To which I could have responded a little better. The way he went about it just made me not want to invite him let alone any of his friends.

Can you tell I'm a little peed off? lol! I think me and OH have pretty much decided not to discuss the wedding with him anymore because, as much as I love him, if he speaks to us again like he did today he may just end up uninvited.

SCFC1961

No pay, no say...

LEJC

SCFC1961 wrote: »

No pay, no say...

Thats all very well saying that...but what happens if your Father then turns round and says "i'll pay " and you end up attending your wedding full of guests you dont know....

SCFC1961

LEJC wrote: »

Thats all very well saying that...but what happens if your Father then turns round and says "i'll pay " and you end up attending your wedding full of guests you dont know....

True...didn't think that far ahead

kmmr

LEJC wrote: »

Thats all very well saying that...but what happens if your Father then turns round and says "i'll pay " and you end up attending your wedding full of guests you dont know....

Yes, this is exactly my problem. Striking a balance so that it is still our event. The problem is compounded by the fact that my (bride) parents are paying, so the guests start to be uneven as OH's parents don't feel they can invite all and sundry!

LEJC

If the venue was only able to hold a limited number and your parents are still adamant to invite friends would they be open to the idea of a seperate meal or small gathering at another time...say a few days before the wedding where they can invite a few friends and in effect host their own party to celebrate your marriage..that way they would get to show you off as a couple but your day wouldn't be swamped by their friends...

Edit...probably not the best choice of words in "show you off"...but its getting late and I can't think of a better way to put it...so please don't slate me I'm not being condescending!

TheSeventh

If you're having distinct ceremony and reception, then how about a compromise that your parents' friends come to the reception, but not the ceremony and wedding breakfast? That way, they still get to take part, see the dress, meet the new family; your parents still have people to chat with and yes, show off too; but you don't have to have semi-strangers watching your wedding or taking up valuable dinner-seats!

My wedding is in three stages (legal ceremony, Humanist ceremony, reception) and we're having progressively more guests from about 6 in the legal ceremony, 70-ish in the Humanist ceremony up to nearly 200-odd in the reception! Staggering guests like this might also help add more flow to the day as the influx of more people later on sparks up more conversation and mingling throughout the day.

PootleFlump_3

Ive told my parents they can invite 6 guests. I cant say I mind at all. They will be giving us a contribution to the wedding but even if they werent I would have said the same thing anyway.