Parents friends

trinity_enigma

Just been 'told off' by my dad for writing a draft guest list and not making any provision for him to invite any friends.

Just wondering if your parents are inviting friends? And how are you guys coping with 'difference of opinions' between you and your parents?

LEJC

I had 2 of my friends drop out a few days before and before I could replace them I was informed by my mum that she'd invited 2 of her friends...

Sadly I just put up with it and didn't make a fuss...

I guess its up to you and how tight the budget is and I know its your day so your choice...but as long as your dad is reasonable about the number he invites then it might not be worth creating a fuss over...afterall hopefully it will be one of the best days of his life too!

nearlyrich

I think it depends who is paying, if parents are paying they should get some input to the guest list if not it's your decision...

lollyb84

We've invited a couple of friends of parents to the evening only, as they've contributed. We asked them to make suggestions, and we then OK'd them to get invites. We wanted to make sure that we knew the friends they'd invited, as we didn't want anyone neither of us knew at the wedding.

OH's parents were great, suggested a couple of people, but made sure they were people my OH knew, and they knew him. My mum decided to invite someone without checking with me first - argh! Fortunately it was someone I'd be happy to invite, but it turns out they can't make it anyway.

Should say - both sets of parents are contributing, so we felt it only fair they had some input.

trinity_enigma

nearlyrich wrote: »

I think it depends who is paying, if parents are paying they should get some input to the guest list if not it's your decision...

Now this is my problem- so far we have made a guest list and that is it as far as planning goes. We are happy to pay for the wedding outselves and have said this but he seems to think we need some help (which is nice of him I suppose) but the venue we are really wanting to go for has maximum numbers of 50 for the day. Immediately family make up 16 people on the guest list and there are three seperate parents between us - and we can't only give one parent invites so even if we gave 4 invites for each parents then thats half of the guests. And we haven't even begun to invite any friends of extended family. But obviously he feels that we aren't choosing the right venue..... god the politics put me off having the wedding we want and makes me want to just go to a registry office and get it over and done with....

catterlen

We have invited 2 sets of my parents friends, but they are friends that I have known all my life, so are more like realtives than friends. OHs parents didn't even ask, and both sets have been quite good about invitees, considering they are both contributing. The only guest list problems we had was with OHs family (uncles and aunts) we invited coz we thought they wouldn't drive 5 hours to us all accepted! I would say that if you knjow them, it might be ok to invite them, but if you don't then maybe gently suggest that you don't know who they are/haven't seen them for 20 years etc...

nearlyrich

If your numbers are limited to 50 and close family make up a big part of that I think it's unreasonable for your Dad to assume he can invite his friends without them being your choice too. The venue choice is yours it's your day after all, try not to let them all get you because one thing for sure you won't please everyone ....

kmmr

My parents have asked a good few people to the wedding, including a few without really consulting me and I am trying to not worry about it! I'd say they have invited about 20 people out of 80. 12 friends, and 15 family who I wouldn't have invited (not all have accepted). Mum just keeps coming up with new people, I say no, then I feel bad, and agree and she comes back with 4 extra names!

They also asked me to send invites to some people they knew, but who they knew wouldn't come. And include a note with something like 'I know you probably can't come but...' but what!?! How can you possibly write something like that without people thinking 'oh, so you didn't want to invite me really'. So for the moment I am just ignoring it.

Mum and Dad also offered to contribute the wedding, so rather than just giving a pile of cash (which they offered) I said they could pay for a single big thing, which is the reception venue and costs. I thought it would be nice for them to have a specific thing, but they have now interpreted this as it being 'their' party! Part of me is tempted to say they can pay for everything other then the venue, which is about the same costs, then they won't feel so much like it is their party. But... then I realise I am lucky to have them contributing so much, and accept the realities of families and weddings. So I breathe.. and write another random invite!

MrsDrink

Before we set about writing our guest list I had really strong views - it's our wedding, we'll invite only those people we care about and who we want to be there. However, now we've written our first draft of our guest list - I have mellowed. I can appreciate our parent's desire to 'show off' and celebrate our day with their friends/family. In a "isn't my son/daughter brilliant, doesn't he/she look amazing, look how proud I am of him/her" kinda way. This is why we're inviting, for example my godmother, who I haven't had contact with for a good 10 or so years but who is my mum's best friend. (Oh and we're paying for our wedding).

tryingtobetheperfectHW

Maybe I'm kind of harsh, but I'm not inviting anyone I or OH don't want there.

Much to my mums annoyance, as only one of her brothers has got an invite! But I havent seen my other uncles for a long time, they didn't ring to congratulate me on having my baby, so if I'm going to fork amount a £40 per head for a meal, it's gonna be some one I know and like eating it!!

lollyb84

tryingtobetheperfectHW wrote: »

Maybe I'm kind of harsh, but I'm not inviting anyone I or OH don't want there.

Much to my mums annoyance, as only one of her brothers has got an invite! But I havent seen my other uncles for a long time, they didn't ring to congratulate me on having my baby, so if I'm going to fork amount a £40 per head for a meal, it's gonna be some one I know and like eating it!!

Not harsh at all - exactly what we're doing during the day. My dad is one of 8 (only inviting 1) and my mum is one of 3 (only inviting 1). We're inviting the one's we have semi-regular contact with, and not the one's we have no contact with at all. Much to the disgust of my grandparents who believe that 'christenings and weddings are when families get together.' and the reason I haven't seen these people is because there have been no christenings/weddings recently. I pointed out that if someone else was silly enough to pay over £100 to feed someone they hadn't seen for x years, that was their lookout, but we certainly aren't going to.

(sorry, touchy subject )