Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

74jax

Idiophreak wrote: »

It makes me quite sad, actually, that anyone would be willing to ditch a perfectly happy relationship just because the other person wasn't ready...

Sorry I didn't mean for it come across that way. Outwardly we would have been seen to be the most loving couple. And that is because we were. However the only way I can describe it is that - for me - something was 'missing'. I wouldn't have found it easy to 'ditch' the relationship at all. However for ME, I couldn't carry on. We had reached a crossroads and I was missing 'something' whether that be comitment or what i'm not sure. It is very hard to explain.

I just thought after 6 years he wasn't ready because I wasn't the one for him. I loved him to peices and he deserved to find someone who he felt crazy enough about to marry as I felt that way for him. I felt he was missing out on not having the 'right' person too.

However, he says he'd been thinking about it for months and just couldn't bring himself to do it, Rome in one way or another was the 'time'.

It certainly wouldn't have been easy to 'ditch' the relationship and walk away.

jtr2803

MsHoarder wrote: »

Is this thread for real?? Just get down on one knee and propose yourself, this is a human being with his own worries and dreams, not an actor in a romantic drama.

It seems harsh coming from someone who did receive a proposal (without permission asked and in a remote spot), but if you put this much pressure on him getting your father's permission (are you his possession?) and doing a public proposal, then I dread to think what you are hoping your wedding will be like.

Going to reply to the other posts when I have more time but I had to comment on this post.

Not sure if you are aiming this at me or anyone else but I haven't said anywhere he needs to get my fathers permission, he could try but as I haven't seen the bloke myself for 14 years I'm not sure he will have much luck! I also haven't said I want a public proposal either............

?

74jax

MsHoarder wrote: »

It seems harsh coming from someone who did receive a proposal (without permission asked and in a remote spot), but if you put this much pressure on him getting your father's permission (are you his possession?) and doing a public proposal, then I dread to think what you are hoping your wedding will be like.

I don't think the OP has said this in any of the posts?

74jax

jtr2803 wrote: »

Going to reply to the other posts when I have more time but I had to comment on this post.

Not sure if you are aiming this at me or anyone else but I haven't said anywhere he needs to get my fathers permission, he could try but as I haven't seen the bloke myself for 14 years I'm not sure he will have much luck! I also haven't said I want a public proposal either............

?

We cross-posted, sorry

Woowoo

jtr2803 wrote: »

Going to reply to the other posts when I have more time but I had to comment on this post.

Not sure if you are aiming this at me or anyone else but I haven't said anywhere he needs to get my fathers permission, he could try but as I haven't seen the bloke myself for 14 years I'm not sure he will have much luck! I also haven't said I want a public proposal either............

?

Totally confused me as well!!!

Chrissy1981

I'd been with my ex for 9 years and no proposal. So when my current boyfriend was upfront about wanting to get married soon quite early on and was making comments to our friends about getting married, I was just waiting waiting waiting. Our holiday and my birthday, nothing. Then last Christmas, he said about us going *shopping* which could only mean one thing, right? Especially as he knew what I was thinking and agreed it was *shopping*

I was so excited and we went shopping the day after New Year's Day and nothing. We walked past every jewellery shop without so much as a glance. I didn't ask to go in any other shops, so by the time we'd circuited the shopping centre (and not gone in ANY shops), I was practically in tears. Got to the car park and I burst into tears, told him he'd really upset me by building up my hopes and he said he was sorry but it didn't feel right to buy a ring in a shopping centre.

Cried all the way home (I'm so pathetic aren't I!) and he said he wanted to get me a big ring with a big proposal and he couldn't do that yet. I said, if he knew me at all, he'd know I'm not like that and any old ring and a heartfelt proposal would be perfect. He looked at me for a bit, said I'd made it all clearer, and told me to come home half an hour late from work the next day (first day back at work after Xmas!).

I got home and he'd laid the table (even finding the tablecloth and placemats), he'd lit candles, put music on and cooked me a 3-course dinner. After the starters, he proposed and pulled out the most perfect ring for me.

Of course this is not the official version -- everyone else thinks I came home to the above and it was a complete surprise! But it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't told him to get on with it! So let's keep it a secret eh?!

trying_2_b_good

I totally nagged and nagged and nagged my fiance. It did my head in that he kept saying he wanted to get married, was waiting for the right time to propose etc. I was like - just get on with it then!! Even worse when I found out at Christmas that he'd planned to propose in August but something went wrong (kitchen ceiling fell down) so it wasn't perfect so he didn't do it. I told him I didn't need it to be perfect, I just wanted to shout from the rooftops that we love each other, get married & get on with building our future together.

He asked in January & we're getting married this August :beer:

So nagging and being totally honest worked for me!

abis21

jtr2803 wrote: »

Not sure if you are aiming this at me or anyone else but I haven't said anywhere he needs to get my fathers permission, he could try but as I haven't seen the bloke myself for 14 years I'm not sure he will have much luck! I also haven't said I want a public proposal either............

?

I think it was me who mentioned it. But I said it was my OH who thought that he was 'expected' to ask my dad and do the proposal publicly, but that they were both things that me and my dad would have hated, and it was certainly something I didn't want.

I didn't want any fuss, or anybody trying to out-compete each other in the most romantic proposal situation. I just wanted to plan our wedding and our future together.

Idiophreak

abis21 wrote: »

But I said it was my OH who thought that he was 'expected' to ask my dad and do the proposal publicly,

We really need to change the culture around this...I felt it was expected of me, too - and it was terrifying! Asking the OH was easy after that - I was fairly sure she'd say yes at least

abis21

I agree Idiophreak. I don't really see the problem with having a discussion about it rather than waiting for the man to ask the question.

It isn't something that you would do for anything else.... Like if you really wanted to move house for years, but were waiting for the man to ask - that would be daft.

I get it that some people aren't ready, and need time etc, and that the man and woman might be ready on a different time scale. But surely discussing things like that would put both peoples minds at rest and help them to know where they are with their relationship... And if they were complete opposites, then again, a discussion would help as then they could decide if that was still ok for both of them and what they wanted to do about the situation...