Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

RainbowDrops

OP, what is important to you though - the Wedding as an event or the Marriage itself?
If it's the Marriage, then why not suggest a quiet Registry office ceremony with just a couple of witnesses. Maybe your OH is worried about the big expense of a Wedding, or is nervous about being center of attention? If that's the case, then an imtimit do might sway his mind.

zcrat41

Hey JTR

I got engaged last November after going out for 2 years. We get married 2 weeks on Sat! I'll be honest, I was prompting him A LOT in the last 6 months. We'd both discussed marriage and that it was something we both wanted. But I wouldn't move in with him until we were engaged. I would prefer not to have moved in until we were married but that's compromise for you! I truly believe it gave him a push whilst keeping my own independence and mental self sufficiency.

My bf (who's being my BM) has been going out with her boyf for over 4 years and they moved in together last year. He still hasn't proposed and I swear its because he's got complacent. Why would he now, he's got what he wanted.

I there with you on the 30 thing (in my life plan I should have 2 kids by now so I need to be getting a move on!) It does sound a little worrying your conversation last summer. I think I would really want to bring it up again - you have a life to lead and choices to make but to make those choices you need to be informed.

Don't mean to sound really old fashioned in this - I just believe men should have to work a little at what they want!

74jax

OP I'm soooo sorry you feel this way, unless people have been in your situation I genuinely don't think they understand.
I had been with my OH for 6 years (last Monday in fact) and we spoke about getting engaged ALL the time, my friends would all be waiting after holidays, Christmas, birthdays for the 'big announcement'.
He assured me he wanted to marry me 'one day'. I tried to explain to him that I needed to know what it was he was waiting for. As after 6 years he should know the relationship wasn't going to change, he wasn't going to wake up and think 'you know what I want to get married to you'. He either knew it or he didn't. Last year (on our 5th anniversary) he said he'd probably do it by Christmas. Christmas came and went...
Last week we went to Rome, celebrated our 6th anniversary on the Monday and nothing (even though I didn't expect it as I just knew it would never happen). It was the Tuesday that I realised I couldn't wait another year. I felt I'd been led on. That I was good enough to live with, to spend time with; but not to marry. It was a total lightbulb moment and believe me on a romantic holiday in Rome it isn't the time to realise this!
And then the Wednesday???? He only went and proposed! In front of the Trevi Fountain! We spoke about it later that day and he said he had put it off and put it off as he had built it into something it wasn't in his head. He was walking round Rome and just thought 'I'm gonna do it'. He said he realised he would have been a fool to loose me after 6 years, and boy that was all I needed hear.
I do think the realisation I had on Tuesday must have been obvious and had an affect on him. I realised in that moment, I wanted marriage and I wasn't prepared to wait any longer. It's scary to think we came within 2 days of actually separating (would have happened after the holiday obviously), but I know for my sanity I had to call it a day, if he didn't want to marry me then, I knew I'd eventually find someone who would. It would have been heartbreaking, but it was at the point where I was spending all the time trying to analyse why he didn't want to marry me. When in every way we were so perfect together. What else did he want? I even panicked that we would split up and I'd learn he got engaged to the net girlfriend within 6 months.
I think you need to ask if it is what you want, and if you can carry on in the relationship NOT engaged. If you can and don't mind waiting until he decides to ask you then it's not worth breaking up over. Don't give an ultimatum unless you can carry it out. Maybe ask him?
I do 100% hope you get your proposal, because when it does happen all your questions just disappear within that moment and you become so much more settled.
I hope it works out.

LEJC

Ive no real words of wisdom...I'm still waitng for the "proposal" but the ring happened after 6 weeks and the wedding followed 15 months later...so I guess I had an impatient one...

They say if you want something to happen..relax stop thinking about it and it will....the more pressure you put him under the more he may withdraw...enjoy being a couple and when he is relaxed and when you're least expecting it ...I'm sure it will happen...

katerinasol

I just wanted to say that at the end of the day, if you are already living together, the only thing that will change is you will sign a piece of paper, get some new crockery/toasters and have equal legal rights over the house/car/whatever, which you probably already do anyway if everything is in joint names. I'm not berating the experience, and I'm very much looking forward to getting married, but thinking about this way may help? And just to add, I know a couple who have been together for over 20 years, never married and never plan to. So it's not the be-all and end-all! x

suzeloves

I'm in the same boat OP. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years in July, we met in September 2007 and a catalogue of errors meant we didn't get together at first. Fast forward to June 2008 and I decided the time was right for us to go out properly, he resisted briefly but about a month later I decided to start refering to him as my boyfriend, he didn't complain, and we've been together ever since and we moved in together two years ago and are getting a mortgage together!

But he's not proposed, I'm not so fussed at the end of the day we have verbally committed to each other and no other poor lass washes his pants so that's all that matters. I just find it odd that he's prepared to live with me, prepared to take out a 25 year financial committment and yet he's by his own admission "not ready to get married". Boys are strange creatures, I asked him drunkenly about 2 years ago "you are going to ask me at some point aren't you?" and he said "yes of course I will, when it's right" so I'm trusting his judgement that he will ask me when it's right for us both.

Woowoo

You know my story hun, got fed up with waiting after 10 years and met someone else who is lovely! I won't wait forever for him to propose though, I'm not wasting all those years again, I'm not getting any younger after all!

MsHoarder

Is this thread for real?? Just get down on one knee and propose yourself, this is a human being with his own worries and dreams, not an actor in a romantic drama.

It seems harsh coming from someone who did receive a proposal (without permission asked and in a remote spot), but if you put this much pressure on him getting your father's permission (are you his possession?) and doing a public proposal, then I dread to think what you are hoping your wedding will be like.

Idiophreak

74jax wrote: »

I tried to explain to him that I needed to know what it was he was waiting for. As after 6 years he should know the relationship wasn't going to change, he wasn't going to wake up and think 'you know what I want to get married to you'.

Just a bloke's perspective on this - sad to report, I really think this is how it happens.

I was always, whilst completely committed to my OH, a little scared of proposing, of marriage - whatever. But, over time, as I grew, and we grew together, it just got less scary. And then one day, the balance shifted and it just wasn't scary enough not to do any more.

The same thing's happening with children. I was never interested in the slightest - and it wasn't that I didn't want them someday, or anything like that, but it just didn't appeal, my heart wasn't in it. Now, however, it's starting to come. Sometimes I see a child in the street and think "actually, that's quite cute". Or I'll see a baby and think "that's not that scary"...And little by little, day by day, it's something I'm a little more ready for.

Life's a work in progress, people grow, people change - and I think a lot of blokes really do just wake up one morning and think "you know what, I'm ready."

It makes me quite sad, actually, that anyone would be willing to ditch a perfectly happy relationship just because the other person wasn't ready...

Woowoo

kavics17 wrote: »

Mine did:o. And I said NO:o. Though the reason he proposed because I cried all night on my birthday for not getting engaged once again... And the next day he figured out what was the crying about, so he proposed...And I said no cause he did it for the wrong reason:D. Don't ever try to understand me:D.

p.s: we got engaged the following Xmas though I don't want to get married anymore:D. Did I mention not to try to understand me??

That's great Kavic's - us women sure are hard work :rotfl: