!!!!!y & cliquey neighbours. Advice needed!!

toocleverbyhalf

I live in a cul de sac ( HA) and have neighbours who both have 3 children. I have a 4 year old who is starting school in september so is home most afternoons.
One of the neighbours make intense friendships with people for a while then drops them like a hot brick. She takes great pleasure in finding out everything about you, turns on the charm then tells everyone else all that she's found out. When she gets bored she moves on to someone else. I'm ashamed to say that I've been involved in this in the past so it was only a matter of time till it turned on me.
Now it has, but they are now taking it out on my son. If he knocks the door to play they either ignore him or say that their mum said that they're not allowed to play. It's really upsetting me because he asks me what he's done wrong & everyone hates him. I try to keep him busy after nursery: the park, library or swimming, but I can't always stay out all afternoon. He sees the other children out playing and gets upset cos they won't let him play.
I have always stuck to the adage that parents shouldn't get involved with children playing, unless there's danger, but I can't help feeling that my son is paying for my mistakes but I don't know how to handle it for his sake. By the way, I live in a quiet grassed street with a good view, so it's safe to play.Has anyone got any advice?

minimoneysaver

Apart from speaking to the parents or buying a huge tub of Haribo to act as a carrot for the other children, I'm not too sure. Maybe you can set up something really fun in the front garden for your son and they'll get interested and come to play? The children are probably just hearing what the parents are saying and are playing up to it, but for the sake of your son, the easiest route is to lure them over to play.

tanith

I'd let him out to play with a ball or something on his own or have a friend over to play who is nothing to do with your Cul de Sac, kids soon get over these things . As for the parent the less you get involved the better...

relic

Unless you're willing to suck up to them, they won't change, I live in a similar area and they are all the same.

Get a friend of your sons around from a different area, let them play outside, and hopefully the other kids will join in and the other parents won't get involved.

jcr16

oh i know just what your saying, as it is happening to my children right now, the last straw was when my happy 3 yr old was blatently ignored which he found so upsetting.

My advice is just forget them and let your son make other friends. just be nice , smile and be plesent but nothing more. it does get better. i have no probs with the kids playing together, but it a shame when it seems to be cliquey. i now say hello, but i don't say anythign further as the less peeps know the less that have to talk about.

toocleverbyhalf

Thanks for the replies. If I go out to play with him all the others go in, so my ds doesn't want me to go outside. I agree about the parents though, she's now got another victim. I pity her!

shy-but-need-help

I've lived in a similar area and to be honest you're usually better off out of it (When we moved it took me the longest time to adjust to the fact our new neighbours just wanted to be nice and sociable and weren't secretly trying to drag us into drama)

The only thing I can think with your son would be is he the youngest out of all the kids- if so it might be they are avoiding playing with him because they feel they have to look after/look out for him. If they're all in higher school years it might be they want to play with their same age friends and not a smaller boy, kids can be really picky like that- it may not necessarily be because of something you've done/said/haven't gone along with.

CH27

Get some of his friends round & let them play outside. Show the neighbour children that you son is bothered about them.

toocleverbyhalf

Im seriously thinking of leaving. It's beginning to feel like a walk of shame just to walk across the carpark to the car. I wish some people would get a life.

paidinchickens

I have PM you .......... not a crazy lady honest xxx

LJM

i had my youngest come home from school yesterday quite upset as she and this other girl had been friends since nursery and now this girl says her mum has told her not to play with my lo, i had confirmation from a teacher this was said because my baby was in tears which is off as my youngest is so sweet,pleasent and polite to everyone i blame the parents there are some real snobby ones at our school.i have a few friends there but only 1 i have known for years and they have just recently moved their children to our school which is fab.