Charging Rent to Family

petrabas

My 25 year brother will be moving to stay with us for a year in London while he completes his Masters. My parents are covering all his fees and costs for his study.
We are have a young family, after moving house and are struggling financially - also have a large loan from my parents for recently completed renovations on house. I would love to be able to 'host' him but we are not in a position to do so, my parents haven’t really mentioned paying us - just casually in passing that they will 'sort us out'.
My mother is visiting this weekend and we think it needs to be discussed and finalized before he comes in September. My husband thinks we should ask for 150 per month to cover all food, phone, heating etc etc. My brother is a great guy, very hands on DIY, childcare, cooking etc and I think my parents might see his role in the family as some form of payment... I'm uncomfortable at the thought of discussing it all! Does anyone have any experience of this either in what to charge family or how to broach such a topic without offending or whether to even discuss at all?
Thanks

newcook

Is your brother going to be working while he is staying with you? If so I would say to go with the majority of threads that have asked about charging teenagers rent – most people suggest asking for a third of their wage.

Caroline_a

Without wishing to sound harsh, a lot of graduates are taking the Masters route rather than trying to get a job - mostly because there aren't that many jobs out there for graduates! However, he will be now well into adulthood, and should not be relying on either you or his parents to subsidise his living costs. He should have worked out what it would cost him to live during this time and decided how he was going to fund it before making any arrangements.

Of course you will need to charge him for food, heating, etc as it will cost you more! I would say your husband's estimate looks ok, but if he doesnt like it unfortunately he will have to find somewhere else to live - you should not be paying for him! Of course if your parents feel he should not be paying, then perhaps you could suggest to them that you take a similar amount per month from the loan they have given you...

relic

He's 25 years old, should be paying for his own way in the world many, many years ago.

I suggest talking to him, rather than his parents.

Idiophreak

When I lived at home with my parents, they looked at all their bills for a couple of months before I moved back, then all the bills for a couple of months after.

The difference was roughly £200/month, all in. But that was a couple of years ago.

Your parents may feel you owe them one, after lending you so much money, but the fact is you need to be financially stable so you can pay them back.

I'd start the conversation as "I'd like to discuss how much you/timmy are going to pay me for his keep" and take it from there - make it clear that them not paying you isn't an option.

lostinrates

I think, as someone whose reyturned to family home as an adult, he shoud pay rent. HIM not your parents. Its better to have that sorted between your and your partner and him so that parents aren't compromised when things go wrong. Its perfectly normal to hold done a pt job while doing a masters. Also make clear what he is expected to do around the house and what is expected of you....i.e. if you make a cooked breakfast are you automatically cooking for him too, or would he rather take care of himself.

petrabas

I suppose its funny that in all of this we have never once spoken to my brother re costs, my parents have lead any discussions, he still rather much the 'baby' and they see it as their role/duty to continue covering his education costs. There is talk of a part time job but the course is intensive and I believe it has even been said they woudld prefere him to focus on the course and pass and get value for money rather than work nights etc.
My husband is taking the lead on the money talk this weekend and will use the suggestion 'can we discuss about how much will be paid towards his keep'.
Thanks for all your replies some things def to think about going forward in the year - I want to start on the right foot and be able to talk to him direct re money/bills when he is here!

lostinrates

petrabas wrote: »

I suppose its funny that in all of this we have never once spoken to my brother re costs, my parents have lead any discussions, he still rather much the 'baby' and they see it as their role/duty to continue covering his education costs. There is talk of a part time job but the course is intensive and I believe it has even been said they woudld prefere him to focus on the course and pass and get value for money rather than work nights etc.
My husband is taking the lead on the money talk this weekend and will use the suggestion 'can we discuss about how much will be paid towards his keep'.
Thanks for all your replies some things def to think about going forward in the year - I want to start on the right foot and be able to talk to him direct re money/bills when he is here!

TBH, I'd be wary of this. There is likely to be tension at times, however much you love each other, and there could be fall out if he ''whinges'' letting of steam to your parents and they feel the need to coddle him a bit.

I even think you could raise that as a concern with your parents and say you are worried if any grumbling about ground rules etc could impact on your relations with them.

The fact your brother hasn't been involved in this would concern me immensely. we had a cousin of dh's lodge with us and it was when parents got involved things got hard.

As it is however, I would add we loved having her, she became a close and valuable member of our unit for the time she was with us and I often miss her a lot! Living with family as adults can be wonderful, having experienced it both ways, but it DOES have moments of tension which need to be approached preparedly and with a deep breath

Its great for your kids, too, to have a time to be close with their uncle.

Mojisola

There's two elements to having someone else live with you - the extra money you will need and their share of the household tasks.

You need a discussion with him - not his parents, he's a big grown-up now! - about what he will do around the house otherwise you'll find you've got another child to look after. If you're going to shop, cook, clean, wash and iron for him, you should be asking for more money than if he's going to be fairly independent and look after himself.

newcook

Don’t forget as well to sit with your bro and discuss house rules – especially ‘guests’! Im sure you and your OH wont want your kids hearing things that go bump in the night and seeing a new face at the breakfast table in the morning!! (not implying that your brother is like that but just in case!!!)

DVardysShadow

Brother should be the one to pay his own way. If parents are involved, they should give any money to brother. The lodging arrangement is between OP and brother. The subsidy arrangement is between brother and parents. OP should not allow parents to become involved in the lodging arrangement and should not get involved in any discussions over the subsidy arrangement.