Do I move or improve?

Hermia

toocleverbyhalf wrote: »

Thanks for the tip about the book,I will look for it. I am really beginning to think I'm going mad because it's all I think about but never get stuck in and actually do it. I often wonder if there's a reason I'm like this or just plain lazy!!

To be honest I think it's just practice. I don't think all those self-disciplined motivated people in the world are necessarily born that way. I have a friend who is studying with the Open University whilst working full-time and commuting. She does it by getting up early and doing an hour's study before work, then she uses her commute to read and then often goes to the library after work. Everybody says, "oooooh, I would LOVE to get a degree, but I don't have your motivation/discipline so I simply couldn't do what you are doing". But, it didn't come easily to her. She said the first month of studying was difficult, disorganised and fuelled by strong coffee. She has just gradually got in a rhythm and it has become a habit.

I think we can all fall into the habit of trying to find the emotional reasons why we are not doing something. Or we think that there is a magic solution that will suddenly change our personality. But it's a waste of time thinking like that. You just need to make yourself do something (even when you 110% don't want to do it) and it's the doing it that will eventually lead to the change in your outlook.

BTW, I think getting someone involved is a great idea, just choose the right person. It won't work if you choose someone who is very unmotivated or a hoarder themselves. I often get asked to help people declutter. Sometimes it's amazingly cathartic for the person & we get rid of tons of stuff. Other times we end up arguing because they refuse to throw away a dried up tin of paint or a manual for an applicance they no longer own...

toocleverbyhalf

Hi everyone. Thanks for your useful posts. Today so far I've sorted some washing,cleared the cupboard under the sink and guess what? The 15 minute thing worked! I was looking for something in the cupboard under the sink and ended up clearing it all out and getting rid of tons of stuff, I even found some baby's bottle sterilising tablets. My son is nearly 5!!
Trying to be MSE as well, I used the tablets in the toilet & have left some dishcloths soaking in a solution of them. But the biggest thing for me today is that I've cleaned out the car. It was disgusting. I work as a mobile tooth whitener so all my stuff just gets chucked in the boot. I haven't sorted that yet, but I went to the car wash,got rid of the rubbish & gave it a damn good Hoover. This is a major thing for me to have achieved in one morning and I just hope I can keep the momento going. We'll see.
It's all down to all of your encouragement & advice and I'm so grateful. Thanks again x

Kimberley82

well done, thats a great start

Hermia

Well done, that's a fabulous start and now you know you can do it!

Gigervamp

Well done! :T

If you find yourself losing momentum, just remember how good you're feeling now at what you've achieved, but don't beat yourself up if you have an occasional cba (can't be ar5ed) day.

toocleverbyhalf

My cba days are usually everyday! I've come to a grinding halt now cos in my enthusiasm I hoovered up a small toy soldier by mistake & now the hoover's blocked. Arghhhhhh

Kaz2904

Good luck with this. My house when we moved in was a complete disaster too. My MIL used to tut about it and one day she actually had a go at me about it. I pointed out that there were 2 adults in the house and that I couldn't do everything by myself (I was working full time nights and 2 little children at home all the time). Anyway, having looked at her house (a full up 3 bed house with 1 person living there), I realised that there was no way DH was going to declutter anything. It was all down to me.
We also had to redecorate the entire house including stripping out the kitchen and bathroom, knocking walls down, replastering the whole house etc. When MIL made the comment I had an entire kitchen in my dining room but she waved that off and said no, everything's a mess. It was true. DH lacked motivation to get on with any DIY which meant I had stuff everywhere. This made it really hard to do any cleaning and tidying so I didn't really. I'd run the hoover through the clear bits every day but that was it. There was a narrow walkway through my dinig room to the kitchen. Not so bad but my house is open plan.
Anyway, I realised that it was down to me. I found the flylady website (not sure how, I think an angel sent to rescue me) and I signed up for emails. I started small and I just got on with it. Over the years I have no idea how much stuff I have got on with and done. DH is still not motivated and we are at a stage where the only room left to do is the hall stairs and landing. He won't do this room because of the drop but there are walls which he can do up there. He just won't. I have plasterboard which has been leaning against a wall for 5 years.
I wrote a list out of all the finishing off jobs just over a year ago and I am gradually working my way through it. I resent having to do the DIY as imo, it's DH's job. I do all of the domestic stuff and taxi driving so don't see why I should do this too but I also don't want to live in a half finished house for the rest of my days so I'm getting on with it.
How about popping over to see us on the great declutter thread?
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2948896