Do I move or improve?

toocleverbyhalf

I have lived in my house (HA) for 22 years and quite frankly it's shabby and a mess. It's so bad I never have anyone over because I'm too embarrassed. I needs everything: decluttering, decorating, new carpets etc. The trouble is I feel so overwhelmed I end up doing nothing.
I moved here when my first marriage failed with 3 small children. I then remarried 5 years ago & had another child who's now 4 & on my own again. I also suffer from bi polar disorder and have recently hurt my back, so at the moment can't do much. However, this is no excuse for the last 20 years, that's just been plain laziness!
I am now at the point where I feel like chucking it all in and moving. I can do an exchange, but nothing suitable has come up yet. It's all really getting me down and I just can't motivate myself. I'm just wondering if making a new start somewhere else will do the trick.
I would appreciate any thoughts anyone has as I don't really have anyone to help. Thanks.

onlyroz

The stress of moving will far exceed the stress of getting your existing place sorted. If you've got the money then you can delegate most of the work to other people - i.e. get in professional decorators, carpet fitters and cleaners. Then all you'd have to do would be to get rid of all the junk and buy any new stuff that's required.

Maybe you could target just one room at once, to prevent yourself from getting overwhelmed, and to help you see visibly what progress is being made.

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi, I suppose if you moved then you would have to sort the clutter out anyway so why not make a start now? Small steps is the way to go, maybe just tackling one area or one room at a time - there is a really good thread on the OS Board called "my home is a mess" and also the Flylady threads which are very helpful.

We moved into our house 9 years ago with big plans to renovate/improve it - but no money. We had a vague idea that we would do it as we went along but then my son was diagnosed with a chronic illness so I had to give up work. I became very disheartened, thinking there was no point even trying to make the house look nice so it just gradually got worse. Now I have started decluttering - selling things on ebay and binning lots of stuff that is just rubbish. My goal is to make everything look tidy then buy some cheap paint and do some decorating (which is not my strong point but I will try!!) - then I might even be able to save up for some new carpets.

I think making a start is the hardest thing so why not just give it a try?

relic

Well i'd hope you'd have to sort the state of the house out before you exchanged?

Might be a new start, but i'm guessing with the atitude you have shown here, it will end up being the same story in a few years time.

toocleverbyhalf

Thanks for your reply. I did actually think that the stress levels of moving would be too high to cope with, and I'm glad you agree. I need an Anthea Turner to give me a kick up the a@@se & put me on the right track, but where do you find one & how much does it cost?

Gigervamp

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

there is a really good thread on the OS Board called "my home is a mess"

Check out the messy thread here. Don't worry about reading it all, just read a few pages and see how motivational it is, then just jump right in.

As your older children are now in their 20's, can they not come and help, perhaps with the decorating?

make_me_wise

Its far more stressful to move than to declutter and decorate. If you move you have the hassle of having to register yourself with new doctors, dentists etc, change over all your utility suppliers. Far harder work than just hiring a skip and chucking stuff.

You may surprise yourself and be able to make some cash from this. If the thought of clearing out for nowt is too much effort then think of ebaying things. This could be put towards the cost of carpets/decorators etc.

Living in clutter and chaos makes you feel like you can never get things straight. You will feel so much better about your home if you get it how you like it.

Gigglepig

Hi,

Well done you for confronting this problem, I know it is hard especially if it is something that you have left for a long time.

I agree with the posters above that moving is a lot of hassle and that it may not necessarily help since it won't remove the real issue/bad habits/reasons why things ended up like this in the first place. If you manage to deal with the issue it would probably boost your confidence.

Do you have a home visitor or someone you can talk to who can perhaps help you make a plan for how to deal with it? Can someone baby sit for the day while you deal with one room at the time?

Start the decluttering today, take a bin liner and do a tour of the house until it is full of rubbish you want to throw away. Take another bag or cardboard box, and fill it with quality clutter items for your local charity store.

Clothes can be a nightmare - sort through all and bag/pack according to - items to throw in the skip, items for your charity store, anything nice you want to give away if you clothes swap with friends/family, seasonal/storage (i.e. winter coats for next year, any clothes for your kids that do not fit at the moment but that they'll grow into)

If you have too much furniture it can make the space seem a lot more cluttered - if you have a bad back perhaps consider calling a charity with a second hand furniture store who will come and pick up donations for free?

Once you have thoroughly removed all clutter it may become clearer if you should improve the storage solutions in order to help you keep things tidier. For example, if coats and boots always end up being piled in the hall-way, some new coat hangers and cheap shoe racks need not cost the world but can make a big difference. For inspiration on storage solutions I'd recommend IKEA. They have a bunch of useful things, from big closets to small handy things like boxes that go in your drawers to keep small items sorted.

If things are really bad and you have the cash, it can make such a difference to have a cleaner in for 3 hrs, if you know someone locally who you trust and who do not charge too much. Once you get past the first hurdle of facing up to it and getting started, it will be easier.

Renting a carpet cleaner can make a big difference too and costs a lot less than new carpets.

Hope some of these ideas help :-)

peachyprice

You're going to have to sort your home our regardless of what you eventually do.

No-one is going to want to exchange with you if they can't see the potential of your house because it's a mess.

It I were you I'd sort the mess out first, then decide whether you actually do like the house once it's tidy or want to move.

Whatever you decide the mess has to be dealt with, best to do it on your own terms than under the pressure or moving.

pozalina

I agree with comments about tackling one area at a time. My house needed everything doing when we moved in and still isn't finished 6 years laer. I made a list of all the jobs/rooms and what needed doing, then I prioritised in order of a) what I wanted doing first, then b) in order of what we could afford, then again c) in order of safety, i.e. getting very old gas fire removed. This meant that at least I knew where I had to start and could focus on one thing at a time. The house still isn't finished but I'm not flapping as much as I was :rotfl:

Good luck with it all.

delain

If your older kids are in their 20's, do that have any mates who are between jobs or are students that might help you out for a bit of extra cash, or a Sunday roast?

It can be very exciting doing all the planning, maybe get your older kids involved, they might like it.

Start with your 4 year old's room, let the youngest choose the colours they like, get some cheapy transfers from ebay (you can get stars, moons, butterflies, disney, all sorts, they cost next to nothing and are easily removed when your child grows out of them) the look on his/her face when you get it all done might maotivate you more