Hi, newbie here for help

nancmat

Hi, just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. For the sake of yourself and your family please speak to a professional like citizens advice, seriously what have you got to lose by doing so? My husband did 3 years ago and it resulted in him taking on an IVA which was the best route for him, he has 2 years left to go and in the meantime I've paid of 30k in debt in 4.5 years. We've had times where we literally couldn't afford to buy nappies the day before pay day. But by working really hard we have both had great pay rises & bonuses and we've kicked the butt out of e-bay from buying everything for our daughter to selling everything we don't need. It will be very hard but by taking action now things will improve.

rdchick

first of all sweets, calm down, it'll be ok.

secondly give Citizens advice a call and also PM RAS as suggested previously. I'm not sure about the AMPR cameras, I think only the police use those for car related stuff like theft etc, to me that sounds like a scare tactic but I might be wrong.

Just try and stay calm because becoming so het up will only make matters worse.

Love and hugs

xxx

upanddown_3

thanks for your kind words everyone, it does help to know that people are here to help.

i do need my car for work yes, so hopefully it wont come to that. it did sound a bit ridiculous that it is a police matter, but to be honest and please pardon my language but the guy sounded like a right bell end!

i have spoken to cab before about a previous legal matter and they did help out a lot, i guess i'm still trying not to admit that i have a massive problem.

do you think an iva is an option for me? i reaaly do not think that i will ever be capeable of controlling my own finances!

BeautyandtheBeast_3

Hi, do you have any free time where you can get a second part time job (bar work etc)

upanddown_3

i have mon tues thurs fri evenings after my full time job free.

i have my children to stay with me every weds night and every other weekend, friday night through to sunday.

i live in a small town with not much in the way of jobs going. i would be useless at bar work as i suffer from anxiety and am not good with groups of people.

i have thought about a car valeting business as i love washing and waxing cars but i'm not sure how much money can be made from this? perhaps it is something i can look into?

foxgloves

You will eventually be able to manage your own finances, believe me on that one. First, in the long road to becoming debt-free, we have the famous LBM, then the massive sort out of what we owe compared with what we earn, and while all this is going on so does the inner-analysis of what behaviours have brought us to this point. Then there's quite a bit of beating ourselves up mentally because we wish we hadn't got ouselves into such a mess. At some point after this, we realise that unless the problem of budgeting is cracked once & for all, we will just go round in circles and repeat the same mistakes over & over again. You're an adult with reponsibilities and just like anyone else, you will find a system of budgeting that works for you and stick to it. This isn't a lecture.....far from it, my partner & I were complete rubbish with money, but not any more. I don't think people who are bad with money can suddenly become brilliant with it overnight. Budgeting is a life-skill, and it's not difficult, but it does take practice, as all those old money habits have to be replaced with new ones and they are scary and can bring us face to face with how bad we've been in the past and make us face up to it. Lots of people on here can help you with a budget, you need to find something that works for you personally. As previous posts have said we ALL make mistakes. The shame isn't that we have made them, but only if we continue the same behaviours & expect different results.

rdchick

Getting a second job would be really handy to have some extra cash but I think you do need to learn how to budget and stuff otherwise you'll just blow it all. Personally, what I do is make sure everything leaves my account around the first of the month then what ever is left is mine to use on groceries and stuff and petrol. Have you tried the envelope or little pot system to keep little bits of money like 'the groceries' 'petrol' 'kids' and such likes and then don't touch it until you need that bit of money. xxx

BeautyandtheBeast_3

what line of work are you in - could your 2nd job be a spinoff from that??

upanddown_3

rdchick wrote: »

Getting a second job would be really handy to have some extra cash but I think you do need to learn how to budget and stuff otherwise you'll just blow it all. Personally, what I do is make sure everything leaves my account around the first of the month then what ever is left is mine to use on groceries and stuff and petrol. Have you tried the envelope or little pot system to keep little bits of money like 'the groceries' 'petrol' 'kids' and such likes and then don't touch it until you need that bit of money. xxx

I havn't tried that method, how does it work exactly? i don't know if it would work for me, i would be so tempted to dip into any money i had to one side.

i cannot remember the last time it got to the day before payday and i actually still had money left without using payday loans, borrow from parents etc etc.

BeautyandtheBeast wrote: »

what line of work are you in - could your 2nd job be a spinoff from that??

i am an insurance broker not a lot i could do on the side really. i am looking into mobile car washing/detailing as a weekend and evening job to see if it is worthwhile.

i feel so useless with money, the only way i can see myself getting through this is to give my wages to my parents and have them pay my bills and give me an allowance, but why should they have that to deal with, they have their own personal problems without me adding to them, plus i'm a grown man with my own children.

ExNicotineQueen

upanddown - regarding budgeting and the envelope system, I found this useful in my initial stages of learning how to budget and deal with my debts. Basically I wrote down my monthly wage and sat down and found out all my credit card limits/balances/APR's etc. Added to that what direct debits I had such as gym, broadband, phoneline etc. Add on what you spend per month on food, cigarettes (if you smoke), entertainment etc. Be as realistic as possible. If you smoke say 20 cigs a day, no point budgeting for 10 cigs a day otherwise not only do you mess up your budget, but when you end up taking the money from elsewhere, you will fall short in that department and end up failing and thus the cycle continues.

It takes time to master it and have discipline to not touch the other envelopes but you get used to it. When you get paid and your DD’s have come out, take out the remaining money in cash you have set aside for your categories included in your budget. Place the money in an envelope and write what it is for on the outside. If you are going shopping and have budgeted £50 for it, you take that £50 with you and leave your cards at home, write a shopping list and force yourself to stick to it and make every penny count. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. You can challenge yourself to save money once you get in the hang of things, but initially it’s a good exercise to get into the habit of living within your means.

I used to be like you, wages would go in and I would still be living in my overdraft and using credit cards at the end of the month to pay for things like food. I was 15k in debt, but am not anymore. Now I have more than enough money left over at the end of the month and don’t have to scrimp and save every penny and can afford to put aside a sizeable sum into my savings account. Don’t think like a defeatist, it takes some getting used to, but once you get used to your budget, you’ll find it invaluable and it will help you keep focused and on track. Looking at a second income will definitely help you to get to your goals quicker too.