Thank You Note to guests who didn't bring gifts

marywooyeah

alarafan wrote: »

Their gift to you was their presence.

• they had to give up a Saturday (or whatever day it was) when they could have been doing other things with a day off.
• they could have had to buy a new outfit (not essential but you don't want to feel out of place, or always be in the same outfit in photos!)
• they could have worked a Saturday shift for some extra money but did not. Maybe they took time off work coming from their annual holiday.
• they may have had to pay quite a lot for a train ticket/ coach/ fuel - the last wedding I went to was half way across the country train ticket £50.
• they may have had to pay for a hotel.

If all that does not deserve a thank you I don't know what does.

I think thats spot on there - I've taken annual leave to be able to go to weddings, bought outfits for me and DS and had to pay for bus/train and the last one we went to we stayed in a hotel too so it wasnt cheap.
bride and groom sent us a card saying they appreciated all the effort we made getting there (we gave them £20 for their honeymoon too) and I thought it was nice that they recognised the effort we had made and expense.
quite a lot of people will be giving up their days to come to your wedding, if they cant afford a gift then they should still be thanked for coming (unless you had a free bar and they just came for that!)

PootleFlump_3

LEJC wrote: »

Why were you surprised you received nothing...some people do take the line of prescence rather than presents literally....so if you didnt have a gift list then its something that you will have to accept....
I would send them a thank you card hoping they enjoyed the day and for sharing it with you....but something tells me that if they were your friends before the wedding it may be a while before you invite them to another gathering!

I must admit that I wasn't aware of an etiquette requirement for a guest to give a card in honesty its something I dont always do...thats driven more by the price of them rather than my unwillingness to wish the happy couple well!

Having said all that..we invited a friend of my parents to our wedding and she never gave a gift....although she is the only guest baring immediate family who still sends us an anniversay card without fail....we received our 18th card this morning in the post to open tomorrow!

From what I read the OP was just wondering what normal etiquette was in this circumstance rather than being hacked off about it. Everyone different I guess but I would never in a million years dream of going to a wedding without giving a gift or a card to extend my best wishes to the happy couple. Even if I wasnt attending a wedding, if I had been invited I would certainly send a card and send a gift.

smcqis

I wouldn't send them a thing especially if i put a 3 course meal and night buffet on for them. In fact id be very happy or complimentary to them unless I knew they were financially in diffs

Chrissy1981

I'm a big believer that cards are more important than gifts as it's the thought that counts the most. I have to say I'd be more than a bit miffed if someone didn't bring a card for us on our wedding day. I probably would send them a thank you card for sharing our day but I'd send it through gritted teeth!

roses

Hi, thanks all for your feedback. I did have a gift list which I sent out. I am a bit upset some people didn't give even a card because I consider this to be very bad manners as I wouldn't dream of it myself. Everyone was invited to a 4 course sit down meal which wasn't cheap. I do appreciate some guests came from afar, however the people in question didn't, they all lived within 1 hour from the venue.

I've sent all my other guests postal thank yous but I think I will settle for sending the non card/gift givers an email thank you along with a few photos of me and them from the day to acknowledge that they came to share my special day.

Scotsbride

I would send them a thank you for being there card. Whilst I'd be upset about the lack of a card (even one made on the computer would be nice) I would respect their desion

tanith

Is it only me that finds it a bit odd that it would register who did or did not supply a card? I think its rude personally but I don't think I'd actually be that bothered that I'd go through them to find out whose was missing!! But thats just me, some of my family just don't 'do' cards my son is one I include in that I wouldn't be bothered just happy they came and shared the day...

aarchk

I am just writing my cards. We have one present we dont know who gave us and a couple of people who we dont think bought a gift so the present could be from them but we are not sure. I am not bothered about not receiveing anything but I am bothered about making sure the right people are thanked for the pressie!

I think I will have to send the general thank you to both of them...

I think MrsDrinks post is brilliant and makes everything nice and clear - thanks for the timely post!

PootleFlump_3

tanith wrote: »

Is it only me that finds it a bit odd that it would register who did or did not supply a card? I think its rude personally but I don't think I'd actually be that bothered that I'd go through them to find out whose was missing!! But thats just me, some of my family just don't 'do' cards my son is one I include in that I wouldn't be bothered just happy they came and shared the day...

Would probably become apparent when writing thank you cards.

tanith

PootleFlump wrote: »

Would probably become apparent when writing thank you cards.

But I would just thank everyone who came and only if I knew they bought something specific then would thank them also for the gift..