Thank You Note to guests who didn't bring gifts

roses

Hi, I got married last week end and am sitting down to write a list of who bought what and to write my thank you notes.

There are (suprisingly!) about 5 couples who didn't bring anything, not even a card. I respect that a gift is not a right but to be honest I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding with nothing at all in hand.

What is the correct etiquttte? Do I still thank them for coming? Do I send nothing, a postal thank you like I will send to my guests who gave a gift or an email thank you?

MrsDrink

Whilst we're not presuming people will give us gifts I envision writing 3 main categories of 'thank you' messages in our cards:
* Thank you for coming, and thank you for your gift.
* Thank you for coming and sharing the day with us.
* Thank you for your gift, sorry you couldn't be with us, we will share the photos with you soon.

Curious_George_2

I would still send a card to say thank you for coming and sharing our special day etc,

only thanking people who gave you a gift would feel wrong to me?

sammy_wheeler

yep agreed- saying thank you for coming and sharing our day with us sounds appropiate

sammr85

I would send them a thank you note for sharing in your special day anyway

alarafan

Their gift to you was their presence.

• they had to give up a Saturday (or whatever day it was) when they could have been doing other things with a day off.
• they could have had to buy a new outfit (not essential but you don't want to feel out of place, or always be in the same outfit in photos!)
• they could have worked a Saturday shift for some extra money but did not. Maybe they took time off work coming from their annual holiday.
• they may have had to pay quite a lot for a train ticket/ coach/ fuel - the last wedding I went to was half way across the country train ticket £50.
• they may have had to pay for a hotel.

If all that does not deserve a thank you I don't know what does.

PootleFlump_3

alarafan wrote: »

Their gift to you was their presence.

• they had to give up a Saturday (or whatever day it was) when they could have been doing other things with a day off.
• they could had to buy a new outfit (not essential but you don't want to feel out of place, or always be in the same outfit in photos!)
• they could have worked a Saturday shift for some extra money but did not. Maybe they took time off work coming from their annual holiday.
• they may have had to pay for a train ticket/ coach/ fuel - the last wedding I went to was half way across the country train ticket £50.
• they may have had to pay for a hotel.

If all that does not deserve a thank you I don't know what does.

Jeez, If my guests felt like that about coming to my wedding (i.e a complete chore) Id rather not invite them!

alarafan

PootleFlump wrote: »

Jeez, If my guests felt like that about coming to my wedding (i.e a complete chore) Id rather not invite them!

I don't mean that it is a chore - just pointing out that guests often put in quite a lot to be there and that deserves recognition, not just the gift.

skypie123_2

And wedding etiquette as a guest denotes that a card at least be given to the happy couple.
I agree as well with Pootleflump.
To be invited to someones wedding is an honour.

alarafan

I think 'Miss Manners' said somewhere that people have a year in which to give wedding gifts to the newlyweds in the same way that the new couple have a year in which to write their thank you letters.

But in real life it is probably unlikely that they are going to give you a 'wedding gift' eleven months down the line and if I got a thank you card a year later I would also find that a bit annoying, I think.

LEJC

Why were you surprised you received nothing...some people do take the line of prescence rather than presents literally....so if you didnt have a gift list then its something that you will have to accept....
I would send them a thank you card hoping they enjoyed the day and for sharing it with you....but something tells me that if they were your friends before the wedding it may be a while before you invite them to another gathering!

I must admit that I wasn't aware of an etiquette requirement for a guest to give a card in honesty its something I dont always do...thats driven more by the price of them rather than my unwillingness to wish the happy couple well!

Having said all that..we invited a friend of my parents to our wedding and she never gave a gift....although she is the only guest baring immediate family who still sends us an anniversay card without fail....we received our 18th card this morning in the post to open tomorrow!