Advice please...

sammy_wheeler

yeh it makes sense and dont worry you are not a bad person!!

Just say to them that you have a dress- dont need to go shopping-- will need their help nearer the time. and that should be that

when you have a lot going on its hard to make it simple--- thats what we are here for

Tiara_2

One of my close friends kept on suggesting we went dress shopping. She isn't a bridemsaid but that is only because I am just having my sister as a bridesmaid to keep costs down- she is a very good friend. I got my dress with my sister, and it took me a while to pluck up the courage to tell her that we wouldn't need to go dress shopping. I thought she would be disappointed but she was fine with it. I haven't showed her my dress, just told a few basic details, and she was simply really pleased that I had found I dress I love so much.

As for the issue about some of your bridesmaids not being the best at keeping secrets- I would suggest you simply tell the two that you trust that you have already found a dress, but would like them to help you in other ways- such as choosing their own dresses or your shoes, or helping with invites or flowers or whatever. If you simply say to them that you want the dress to be a surprise, then surely they will accept this and just be excited for you that you've found your dress.

As for your neice and step-daughter, personally I wouldn't tell them anything. If they ask then tell them you've already got the dress, but I would again say it is going to be a surprise and wouldn't show them it or tell them anything about it. It is not worth the stress if they blab. It doesn't make you a bad step-mum whatsoever, as you are eager for them to be involved in other aspects of your day I am planning on keeping my dress a secret from everyone til the wedding day itself, it isn't a big issue and I don't see why any of your bridesmaids would turn it into a big deal. They just want you to be happy and enjoy the run up to your wedding.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it all works out for you

Hadley1 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice.

Maybe you are right, I should bite the bullet and tell them. Just explaing that I want to keep the dress secret. But this brings me to another dilema...:(

As I say i have 4 bridesmaids - my SIL2B, best friend, Step daughter 2 b and my neice. There is no problem with the 1st two, if I tell them I want to keep it secret, they will understand.

My neice is okay as far as she goes, but I do have problems with her parents (especially teh way they have acted over my dad passing). I know if she knows anything she will rush off and tell her mum and it would be everywhere.

Also, my step daughter is lovely, but just opens her mouth and speaks. I am really torm whether to tell her or not. I really want her to be involve, but even if I tell her its a secret, I think she may blab without thinking. Do you think i would be a terrible step mum to be if I just tell my friend and SIL2B???

Sorry for the long posts, but so much going on at the mo..sorting out my dad's bit, questions over what is happening about both mine and my partner jobs oh and, of course, planning a wedding. :rotfl:

Cezzabelle

havent read all the posts, didnt want to read and run. Ive been bridesmaid for a very close friend and now im getting married, i have never been wedding dress shopping as bridesmaid and have no intention of taking mine dress shopping, thats for me and mum only.

I wouldnt expect to go as a bridesmaid, only to be invited to the fitting to see it once "the one" was picked.
You will all have a lovely day picking your BM dresses instead? x

floss2

Hadley1 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice.

Maybe you are right, I should bite the bullet and tell them. Just explaing that I want to keep the dress secret. But this brings me to another dilema...:( ....

Just say that you have a dress, you bought it with your mum, and that what it is like is a secret until the day you get married

Then if your stepdaughter tells her mum, she won't be able to tell her anything else - unless of course you happen to let slip that it's ticket price was over £1500..... :rotfl:

Hadley1

floss2 wrote: »

Just say that you have a dress, you bought it with your mum, and that what it is like is a secret until the day you get married

Then if your stepdaughter tells her mum, she won't be able to tell her anything else - unless of course you happen to let slip that it's ticket price was over £1500..... :rotfl:

He he - now thats a good one... might have drop a few things into the conversation like that:T

Thing I might use that idea with my neice as well - my sister in law is jealous of everything. So might have to make sure neice tells her some lovely stories.

Thanks for that sweetie.:beer:

reall

Dear HADLEY1

You have brought the wedding dress because it will be your wedding. I assume the wedding dress suits you and you will be proud to wear it .Explain to the bridesmaids that you already purchased it prior to inviting them to be your bridesmaids.There are other things they can get involved with such as if you change to another dress to leave the wedding reception/party,perhaps your lingerie for your new husband,helping them to find their outfitscould be a possibility too.
Honesty and tact will help,do not feel that they will be disappointed perhaps there are things to organise that are outstanding that they can feel useful,they are there to support,enjoy and bless your reunion.
Hope this helps
Reall