whos invited not invited

Disney_Pluto

Sorry for long post. Bit of a background. My brother got engaged last week which we are all thrilled about. After 8 years its been a long time coming.

They are both in very very well paid jobs ( 80k year) and can afford to pay for the wedding themselves, although my parents are making a contribution anyway because they want to. Obviously nothing has been done yet as they only got engaged last week but they have however started looking at venues and have a definate guest list of 120 people for the day. So obviously they started talking about who would be coming and out of the 120 people most of them are their friends. We dont have a big family (i mean can count our family on 2 hands) but however my parents friends some of which we call Auntie (a very welsh thing apparently) that have watched us grow up, been to our birthday parties etc which to be honest I consider family are not on the list and definatly wont be invited.

Mum and I have obviously not said anything to them and never intend to as at the end of the day we understand its their day and they are paying for it. But mum cant help feel a little bit upset and she said she cant even think about telling them they are not invited. The other thing is, is although we are not engaged yet I know it will happen sometime this year and we will end up getting married within 6 months of my brother. Im the only girl in the family and although in good jobs the pay is nothing in comparison to my brother (40k for both) and my parents have said they will pay for the wedding. Even if they werent paying the above people would be invited to our wedding as they are special in our lives.

So not really sure what im looking for here, but maybe some advice on telling people they are not invited or any other peoples stories etc.

shellsuit

Without meaning to come across as rude, it's not any of your concern to be telling people they are or aren't invited.

Leave that to your brother and his fiancee.

It's their wedding so they can choose their own guests.

LEJC

There is no difinative list of who should be invited or not...but the decision is that of the bride and groom.....

McKneff

There is no reason for your mum to tell people 'they are not invited' they will realise for themselves when the invitation doesnt come.

It's up to the two people who are getting married who they invite to their wedding.

As it will be up to you and your fiance when you two tie the knot.

I would just let things take there course to be honest.

sammy_wheeler

i would say leave it to the bride and groom- its their wedding- and if there is some people who are currently not on the list- then this may change- and as its not ur wedding u would/may be stirring up trouble with the people 'not invited' and the bride and groom
i would leave alone- at least for now

Disney_Pluto

As I said in the original post is that we are not trying to tell them who to invite, we understand its THEIR wedding and they can invite who they want. And as I also said we certainly wont be saying anything to them about it, its not our place.

But its not like my brother speaks to these people on the phone, just like he doesnt ring my nanna or auntie or cousin etc. So when they dont get an invite it will be my mum and the end of the phone not my brother. Maybe im just expecting that they will assume they have been invited becasue we were the their childrens etc and they wont actually think like that at all.

Just think some of the replies are a little harsh.

shellsuit

caroline_john wrote: »

As I said in the original post is that we are not trying to tell them who to invite, we understand its THEIR wedding and they can invite who they want. And as I also said we certainly wont be saying anything to them about it, its not our place.

But its not like my brother speaks to these people on the phone, just like he doesnt ring my nanna or auntie or cousin etc. So when they dont get an invite it will be my mum and the end of the phone not my brother. Maybe im just expecting that they will assume they have been invited becasue we were the their childrens etc and they wont actually think like that at all.

Just think some of the replies are a little harsh.

They're not harsh, just honest.

They've only been engaged for a week, so they won't know for sure who the are inviting themselves yet, so no need for you or your Mum to worry about the guest list at all.

kazwookie

Not up to you or your mother to do the telling of who is / not invited, as it is nothing to do with you / your mother, sorry to be so blunt.

When you get married then it is up to you and your hubby2b to do the telling / inviting.

Mojisola

caroline_john wrote: »

But its not like my brother speaks to these people on the phone, just like he doesnt ring my nanna or auntie or cousin etc. So when they dont get an invite it will be my mum and the end of the phone not my brother. Maybe im just expecting that they will assume they have been invited becasue we were the their childrens etc and they wont actually think like that at all.

Your Mum will just have to say that the couple are organising the wedding themselves and she doesn't have any say in it.

I'm surprised that they have 120 "friends" to invite - I couldn't raise anywhere near that number!

themull1

If it was my brother, i would just ask him! Why have u not invited such and such, my mams a bit upset, or something along those lines, but we are like that in our family, don't beat around the bush.!!

trying_2_b_good

The fact that he doesn't speak to them on the phone & they're not blood relatives is probably the reason why he's not planning on inviting them (esp. if it's £50+ per head, as many weddings are!).

Have you asked him if he's inviting these people, or are you just assuming he's not? It may be he just hasn't thought of them?

The posts above seem harsh now - but I'm sure you'll agree with them once you're engaged and planning your wedding!!