How do you do it?

mildred1978

I could use some help.

I'm currently on maternity leave (baby is 10 months old). I'm being made redundant soon so will be staying at home with the baby for a while longer. I'd like to start my own business at some point in the next 2 years.

Thing is that I just don't know how to be a housewife! I've worked since I was 16 and had quite a stressful job. I'm not naturally good at keeping the house clean and tidy. Since the baby came I'm in a complete mess. My husband often works away and I have no family within 200 miles, so I spend all day with the baby and then if OH is home he looks after the baby while I make dinner. By the time we have eaten it's bedtime for the baby. Once he's asleep I clean up the kitchen and his highchair, put the washing on/out and then go to bed myself. In order to get my 8 hours in I'm going to bed with my makeup on and in most of the clothes I've been wearing (leggings and a vest with a cardi/jumper/dress over the top). My bedding hasn't been changed for about 4 weeks because I haven't found time to strip the bed, wash the bedding, dry it and put it back on.

I only go out one day a week to a baby and toddler group. My friends seem to be able to keep their homes spotless and do activities every day of the week. I can't begin to imagine how that works!

Anybody in the same situation? How do you get it sorted?

Thanks in advance x

determined_new_ms

Hi mine are grown up now but I would say blow the housework for a while, its much more heartening to hear you are spending your waking hours with your baby. I would give yourself an hour to unwind at night though so you don't go insane! You will have all the time for a clean house as the baby gets older, but right now enjoy the precious moments, you can't get them back when they're gone x

sueeve

I think the starter is at 'little and often'. Get the little jobs doen so that there is a feeling of well being because things look good (even if they're not). Put your things away as you go along. (but don't forget in the future that to children this is an alien concept). Give the bathroom 2 minutes when you have used it. I can do the washbasin and window ledge, + stuff in the loo, in 2 min. And so on.

BitterAndTwisted

You apply the same self-discipline to your home-life and house-keeping that you applied in the job you had.

Either you're sinking into depression or you're a ruddy slob if you go to bed with your make-up on and still in your clothes. Getting ready for bed and undressing takes all of five minutes. We all have five minutes in our busy schedules, especially if we're sharing that bed with someone who we'd like respect from. Do you appreciate that not being clean for your partner could be seen as deep disrespect?

pigpen

There is a flylady thread over on OS.. works well for a lot of people.. but not me, I am far too lazy

CL

I'm on maternity leave and have a good career and am not used to being at home either. I also feel the house is not as clean as it should be, but in the back of my mind I also know that I put too much pressure on myself to do everything, which isn't possible.

When LO is having her two 45 min naps a day I do a quick wizz round, tidying. I put her in her bouncer and carry her to watch me hang out the washing. When I need to do a quick hoover I put her in her bouncer and let her watch BabyTV. To make dinner I put her in her Jumperoo in the kitchen where she can see me.

I wash the bedclothes every other week and let her lie in her cot watching me when I strip our bed. If she gets yappy I sing to her when doing it.

If it doesn't get done (it often doesn't), then tough. It isn't that bad that anyone is going to catch something.

happy35

you need to get into a routine, i used to load the washer at night and put it on as soon as I got out of bed

i used to put baby in a sling and do the hoovering etc with him strapped to me, and try and keep the house decent and have a shower etc when he was having a nap.

it is really hard work looking after a baby dont beat yourself up about it, prioritise what you have to do and dont worry about what you cant get done

AnnaLicious_2

Ten months old is a funny age as they're crawling everyhere at once and you always seem to need to be watching them.

To be really honest, you do sound a little depressed to me. It's understandable given your situation. Could I suggest you go along to some of the stay & plays at your local children's centre? After you've been there awhile, you may feel confident enough to talk to one of their family support / outreach workers. They can give you some emotional support, or someone to talk to occassionally.

As far as housework - it's not easy, but I found if I just got on with it, it was done before I knew it. My daughter now thinks at 17 months she's helping me with laundry - haha! Do you have one of those activity stations your baby can sit up on? I used to plonk her in and set her near what I was doing - washing up, cleaning the bath, etc. Her cot is in our bedroom, so she'd hang out in there with some soft toys while I did the bed and put away laundry.

Babies honestly enjoy watching you do things, it's entertaining to them. You're not being a bad mom because you're cutting up carrots and not singing a song. And you can include them into things you do. Prepare dinner while your baby is in a highchair in the kitchen, and give her a carrot to chew on, or a wooden spoon to bang on a plastic mixing bowl (which is apparently hilarious to babies!).

I just do things in spurts - 10 minutes in the kitchen, 10 minutes watching Mr. Tumbles and singing, 10 minutes folding laundry, etc. Once you're on top of it, it's easier.

But your tone, and the fact you're so tired and down you're sleeping in your clothes, really smacks of depression to me. You may feel comfortable with your GP. Because of your situation I would think a family & child specialist at a children's centre could give you more specific support.

mildred1978

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Either you're sinking into depression or you're a ruddy slob if you go to bed with your make-up on and still in your clothes. Getting ready for bed and undressing takes all of five minutes. We all have five minutes in our busy schedules, especially if we're sharing that bed with someone who we'd like respect from. Do you appreciate that not being clean for your partner could be seen as deep disrespect?

There's no need to be rude. I'd love to see you try and get changed in almost complete darkness when you have no night vision and without waking your sleeping baby when there are piles of things in front of your cupboards.

I wear long lasting makeup that takes quite a bit of effort to remove. Add to that 2 minutes minimum toothbrushing and you've got much longer than 5 minutes to get ready for bed.

As for my OH, he's away 4 nights out of 7, and he doesn't groom himself before bed either! :rotfl:

mildred1978

AnnaLicious wrote: »

Ten months old is a funny age as they're crawling everyhere at once and you always seem to need to be watching them.

To be really honest, you do sound a little depressed to me. It's understandable given your situation. Could I suggest you go along to some of the stay & plays at your local children's centre? After you've been there awhile, you may feel confident enough to talk to one of their family support / outreach workers. They can give you some emotional support, or someone to talk to occassionally.

As far as housework - it's not easy, but I found if I just got on with it, it was done before I knew it. My daughter now thinks at 17 months she's helping me with laundry - haha! Do you have one of those activity stations your baby can sit up on? I used to plonk her in and set her near what I was doing - washing up, cleaning the bath, etc. Her cot is in our bedroom, so she'd hang out in there with some soft toys while I did the bed and put away laundry.

Babies honestly enjoy watching you do things, it's entertaining to them. You're not being a bad mom because you're cutting up carrots and not singing a song. And you can include them into things you do. Prepare dinner while your baby is in a highchair in the kitchen, and give her a carrot to chew on, or a wooden spoon to bang on a plastic mixing bowl (which is apparently hilarious to babies!).

I just do things in spurts - 10 minutes in the kitchen, 10 minutes watching Mr. Tumbles and singing, 10 minutes folding laundry, etc. Once you're on top of it, it's easier.

But your tone, and the fact you're so tired and down you're sleeping in your clothes, really smacks of depression to me. You may feel comfortable with your GP. Because of your situation I would think a family & child specialist at a children's centre could give you more specific support.

Thank you. I'm not depressed, I'm exhausted. I barely have time to go to the loo, never mind anything else.

The house needs decluttering in every room. We have far too much stuff and it's everywhere.

We co-sleep so no cot, and as you say the baby is mobile so I can't put him down on the bed (and there's stuff all over the floors so he can't go there either).

I can't use a sling as I have issues with my joints so I have to wait till baby is napping to put washing out or hoover.

I really need a clone

LucyLocket

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

You apply the same self-discipline to your home-life and house-keeping that you applied in the job you had.

Either you're sinking into depression or you're a ruddy slob if you go to bed with your make-up on and still in your clothes. Getting ready for bed and undressing takes all of five minutes. We all have five minutes in our busy schedules, especially if we're sharing that bed with someone who we'd like respect from. Do you appreciate that not being clean for your partner could be seen as deep disrespect?

If the OP is suffering some post natal depression, which is not at all uncommon, then a post as abrasively contentious as this is likely to be less than helpful.