Advice on 8 year old sleeping

Counting_Pennies_2

Is she happy to go up to her room in the day on her own? If not get that started first and get her comfortable with playing up there.

I would suggest for bed time having a light in her bedroom. I have a cheap thing from Asda that is a touch dimmer (3 different levels of brightness). The children go up with the full brightness, and can play for a period of time. My DD will fall asleep with the full light on and I then go in and put it down to the lowest level when she is asleep, so if she wakes she knows she can see. My DS often turns his off as he settles himself.

My DS used to be a nightmare getting settled, so I borrowed a RelaxKids CD which he used to play, and it would help him settle, and of course keep him occupied while he settled so didn't have time to worry about things.

I think you need to try the tough bit and put some rewards associated with it. If she goes up and stays there on her own she will get x, then every night that week, then a week, a month and so on. Eventually you will have cracked it. Also go up every half an hour, not 10 mins, it won't give her chance to settle at all if you keep popping in.

hth

chocdonuty

My dd is similar, no monsters or anything, she says she just doesn't want to be alone, which may be the reason she mentions monsters and spiders.
Has anything happened to her in the past that would make her frightened of being alone?
Personally I don't care what others say as my dd wants a bit of comfort when we are alone at home and she can get it under my rules.
dd has sleepovers at our house and with other children at their house and has no problems at all so I know she can do it.
She has a 9pm lights out time so she is expected to stop chattering/tv/pc and lie down ready to sleep and is usually well away within 5/10 mins. Ususally she falls asleep either in my bed with me by her or on the sofa, I'm in a flat so when it's time for me to go to bed i'll either leave her and she'll pop herself to bed later on or i'll lift her up and she bumbles along to bed half asleep! (she never remembers this as she's never fully awake).
People may crititze but it's the way I do things in my home and we are both happy about it .

kingfisherblue

Has your daughter always been the same, or is it a recent change? If it is fairly recent, has anything happened in her life that could be making her feel insecure?

My son is eleven years old and is exactly the same, but I know the reason for it. Since his dad left, he has been worried that I will also leave. Having me in the next room, rather than downstairs, gives him some security. It has been a problem for a long time now, but I've finally got someone to take me seriously and he is now having counselling.

If you can get to the root of the problem, it might help you find a solution.

Good luck x

pinkshoes

I think you have a clever 8 year old who has you wrapped around her little finger and is clearly calling the shots!

Tell her there is no such thing as monsters, and if necessary, buy some anti-monster dust (aka glitter or a magic wand) and sprinkle the room with it before bedtime so that all monsters go away.

Kandboys

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think you have a clever 8 year old who has you wrapped around her little finger and is clearly calling the shots!

Tell her there is no such thing as monsters, and if necessary, buy some anti-monster dust (aka glitter or a magic wand) and sprinkle the room with it before bedtime so that all monsters go away.

You have just contradicted yourself there though. You say to tell her there is no such thing as monsters then you say sprinkle some dust so that all the monsters go away!

aliasojo

Shepherd1 wrote: »

Hi hope someone can give me some advice or experiences. My daughter is eight and terrified to be upstairs alone at night, she goes to bed at 8pm and I sit next door in my room. She doesn't fall asleep till after 10 so I basically do nothing at nite but sit in my room. Am I sending her to bed to early and how do I get her to sleep with me downstairs.

Thanks

You are the only one who knows whether your daughter is putting this on or not, none of us here know what kind of a child your girl is.

Speaking as an adult who clearly remembers being terrified as a child at night and who has a daughter with similar fears, I have every sympathy for your girl and urge you to not take the hard parenting route to deal with this. (That's working on the basis that she's not putting it on.)

We had to empty our daughter's bedroom and leave her with only a bed as she was imagining all sorts hiding in shadows etc. Her common sense told her she was being silly but her fears escalated to the point where they overshadowed her ability to reason things out.

She's 11 now and is getting counselling to help her deal with this as it got much worse when she hit puberty.

Bedtime routines are essential, restrict stimulation (tv, computer games etc) at least an hour before bed, have a supper time where she has something like toast or cereal around 45 minutes before bed, have her read something light whilst in bed, so there is a transition time leading up to sleep.

Let her have a nightlight if she wants one and the suggestion above of a baby monitor is a good one.

Unless you have experience of a truely scared child, I don't think you are fully able to understand what it's like for them. Just 'telling' them there's nothing to be scared off just wont work.

She needs to know you understand. Don't make her feel scared of you too. My Mum took the hard route, I remember sitting up in bed one night, rigid with fear because it was dark and I was imagining things but I knew I couldn't get my Mum because she'd just tell me to stop being silly and get to sleep. I'm in my 40's and can still feel that scared feeling from that memory.

pinkshoes

Kandboys wrote: »

You have just contradicted yourself there though. You say to tell her there is no such thing as monsters then you say sprinkle some dust so that all the monsters go away!

??? You just tell her there's no such things as monsters, and if she really doesn't believe you, THEN you go down the magic anti monster dust and spell, just in case...

(if a kid believes in monsters, they'll also believe in anti-monster magic dust! - worked on my cousins!)

pigpen

We told ours that monsters are 2cm's tall and made of chocolate that is why they hide so boys and girls don't grab them and eat them..

WASHER

aliasojo wrote: »

Unless you have experience of a truely scared child, I don't think you are fully able to understand what it's like for them. Just 'telling' them there's nothing to be scared off just wont work.

She needs to know you understand. Don't make her feel scared of you too. My Mum took the hard route, I remember sitting up in bed one night, rigid with fear because it was dark and I was imagining things but I knew I couldn't get my Mum because she'd just tell me to stop being silly and get to sleep. I'm in my 40's and can still feel that scared feeling from that memory.

I couldn't agree more with the quote above.

I was terrified as a child of going to bed in the dark, my parents dealt with it wrongly in my opinion, "stop being silly", "no such things as monsters" etc.

I will never ever forget those memories of being alone and terrified, even now if my husband is away working, I sleep with the bedside lamp on, I cannot sleep alone in the dark.

Please OP, do not take the hard parenting line with your Daughter, no child should be scared at bedtime within there own home, she should feel safe and secure.

WASHER.x.

Shepherd1

thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. She will play in her room alone during the day and evening no problems, but has always had a problem when going to sleep except when in a cot she slept alone great then.

I do believe she is scared and not putting it on as she will put teddies in the cupboard and move the curtains because she says they scare her.

Nothing has changed as I say she has always been like this. We were broken into when she was about three and although I did try to keep a lot from her she still does know. Sometimes she will say something about someone breaking in but I don't think this is her main worry.

Thanks everyone.

Oops forgot to say I think I am being soft as I hated sleeping in the dark when I was young, my mum was hard on me so I was always asking to stay at my grans cause I could share her bed and she would go to bed at 8.30 with me (spoiled);)