Friends help!

spidereyes

I know this isn't strictly moneysaving but I would really welcome some advice.

I have a group of friends, we've known each other for several years and although we are all of different backgrounds, ages etc we have always got along brilliantly.

A few days ago, my friends were all going out for a night out together, I went to join them a few hours later and when I got there it was obvious some of them had already had too much to drink.

The problem started when one girl got very upset - she's recently finished university and her dad has recently died, she found the body so obvioulsy its very painful for her at the moment. To be fair something we all understand however our other friend went completly mental, and to be fair said some of the most disgusting and vile things I think Ive possibly heard anyone ever say to someone else.
She was so violent threatening to smash her face in, and in this other girls face, screaming that she should 'get over' her dad dying etc and that she was ruining everyones night and how we all were sick of her going on about her dad. This understandably upset the other girl even further and not at all true of the feeling of the majority. Of course another friend decided to join in and a one sided personal attack on this girl ensued and although I was trying to console her and 'protect' her there was absolutly nothing I could do from the vile things coming out of their mouths. Finally when our two other sober friends came back we managed to try and defuse the situation, which lasted for about 10 mintues before she started on at the poor girl again, in the end she left.

The two who had started on the girl wanted to stay out but the rest of us were frankly sickened and left, before one giving her a piece of her mind.

I have never seen this girl behave this way in the past, even after a few drinks but drunk or not I find the things she said totally out of order and unacceptable and frankly am more than tempted to pick up the phone right now and give her a piece of my mind.

I really hope our groups friendship hasn't died a death but frankly I don't want to see this other girl ever again but I feel like Im stuck in a horrible place now, even if this other girl forgives her for the things she says I don't think I can!

CH27

My priority would be checking that your bereaved friend is ok & supporting her.
Finding the body of someone you love is a massive shock.

Leave the other to stew & reflect on her behaviour.

go_cat

Sounds like the drink talking and hepfully she is mortified about her behaviour if not she is not a true friend to any of you.

Leave them to sort it themselves and look after your friend that has lost her dad

the_cat

Well if it was the drink talking and she was 'mortified' surely by now she would have taken some steps to apologising and attempting to put things right? This happened a few days ago so unless she was so drunk she can't remember she should have done/said something by now
Is it possible that she did more than drink? Just a thought as it is out of character for her when drunk to be so abusive and violent.

I would stay well out of it. If for no other reason than it is letting her off the hook for you to broach the subject. Let her stew and deal with her depending on her reaction when she next comes into contact with any of the rest of you....... then dump her

Life is too short to spend it with people who behave like that!

flutterby_lil

Stay out of it or you will be the !!!! stirrer in it all!! Hope the bereaved friend is coping as well as possible and well done for being a true friend.

Judith_W

All I can say is make sure that your bereaved friend is fully aware that the horrible comments were not the view of anyone but the girl who said them and be there to support. I personally would just not contact the horrible girl rather than challenging her about what she said

Craftyscholar

CH27 wrote: »

My priority would be checking that your bereaved friend is ok & supporting her.
Finding the body of someone you love is a massive shock.

Leave the other to stew & reflect on her behaviour.

I totally agree about supporting your bereaved friend - however, if what happened was so out of character for the other girl, how much do you know about her family background?

OK nothing can excuse how she behaved, but there may be more to the situation than the rest of you knew.

clearingout

Craftyscholar wrote: »

I totally agree about supporting your bereaved friend - however, if what happened was so out of character for the other girl, how much do you know about her family background?

OK nothing can excuse how she behaved, but there may be more to the situation than the rest of you knew.

have to say, on reading this, it crossed my mind that the girl perhaps has some unresolved issues in relation to her family. Not that it excuses her behaviour, of course, but if it's all put into the right context it may be that she needs some support as well.

Having said that, given there were two of them behaving in this way, it could be down to some dreadfully selfish behaviour fuelled out of all proportion by alcohol.

OP you may well have some difficult decisions to make about your friendships. Good luck!

spidereyes

Craftyscholar wrote: »

I totally agree about supporting your bereaved friend - however, if what happened was so out of character for the other girl, how much do you know about her family background?

OK nothing can excuse how she behaved, but there may be more to the situation than the rest of you knew.

Well after the situation somewhat defused she made it very clear that basically she thinks she should be getting the attention and symptathy because her daughter has left home, we all knew that a while ago but she basically turned round and said that it was worse that had happened than this other girls dad dying and that she too had lost someone close - in reality her daughter is living a few doors down the road but I think this is probably why the whole situation emerged but I still don't beleive that gave her any right to say the things she said

the_cat

So, an attention seeking drama queen who is only happy when the attention and spotlight are firmly in her direction? Not prepared to support a friend in need and dumb enough to compare the death of a parent to a child moving a few doors down the road! Not exactly selling herself as a keeper is she?

spidereyes

the_cat wrote: »

So, an attention seeking drama queen who is only happy when the attention and spotlight are firmly in her direction? Not prepared to support a friend in need and dumb enough to compare the death of a parent to a child moving a few doors down the road! Not exactly selling herself as a keeper is she?

Well a few doors down the road may be a slight understatement but her daughter still lives in the same area regardless, to be honest its no wonder her daughter left home, from what I understand it was a fight by my friend and her daughter about her boyfriend which has now results in the daughter moving in with said boyfriend. But way I see it was totally selfish behaviour and absolutlely no excuses for it, and espesially from girl number 2 as well....
Pretty disgusted with them both....

I spoke on the phone this morning to bereaved friend didn't mention anything about the other night but I said I just wanted to make sure she was ok and she said she was, she's with her boyfriend at the moment so Im sure he will look after her for the time being