A Strange But Urgent Request....

esmy

Anyone else's DD who's got the same exam on Tuesday (and 3 more next week) watching the TV awards?? Mine is - having spent most of today revising.
I'd be very very worried if she was so demanding of herself as your DD seems to be, OP. I'm with those who suggest a bit of 'chill out' time for you both.

meritaten

Shanelle wrote: »

I just want to support her, I guess a little bit of her attitude is shining through and in fact it was my DD who insisted that I do this for her. I've always been proud of whatever she's achieved but I just want to save her the hassle of her disappointment and her ott study sessions if she gets a B or below. I know that regardless of my support or not she'll carry on studying, and be determined to get the best and I guess the exam stress drags along with this. If you've read one of my previous threads when I was concerned, you'd realise its how DD is fussing over this exam which is making me determined to calm her. It may not seem the end of the world to you or me but I can't stress how important it is to her. I'm posting this thread on her behalf, and I suppose the stress of me to trying to reassure her is pushing through .

Are you the one who posted about a perfectionist daughter? if so why are you DOING this? if I remember rightly most of us said that pandering to her will make her worse.

Shanelle

rachbc wrote: »

'The uni she is set to get into' ??? She in year 10 fgs - she doesn't need to have her life mapped out, yes of course ambition and being hard working is good, but so is learning to manage pressure, and yes learning to manage disappointment too - those skills will stand her in better stead than the difference between and b or an a in a GCSE.....

I'ver never set her down and mapped her life, she did this herself and all she sees it as ambition, I'm not going to stop her thinking about it but I'm enforcing this part hardly. Tbh, she manages this type of pressure before every exam and she always manages to pull it off, this doesn't really stop her from worrying though. I appreciate what you're saying but DDs' words not mine she is certain they rank GCSE's further than life lessons just yet.

bagginslover

I'm not a teacher, but I do work in a secondary school, so I can understand and sympathise with the stress and pressure your daughter is feeling at the moment. I can also totally understand you wanting to support her in persuing her chosen career.

I wouldn't set too much store by your daughters self marked paper (and try to explain this to her too), as she thinks her teacher marks too softly, it's very possible that she is compensating by marking too critically. Also, she hasn't had the benefit of moderation and standardisation meetings, and so could be missing some 'hidden ' marks.

You know her best, and if you don't think she will stop cramming, try to get her to switch to a different subject the night before the exam-her mind will be swimming with facts all night otherwise, and she won't get the nights sleep she will undoubtably need. This is advice we offer to our high exam stress students, it does seem to help-if we can get them to follow it!

I wish her the best of luck for all her exams, I hope she gets the results she wants

Shanelle

meritaten wrote: »

Are you the one who posted about a perfectionist daughter? if so why are you DOING this? if I remember rightly most of us said that pandering to her will make her worse.

I've been down this route before, if anything its just encouraged her even more, she actually likes the idea of having unsupportive parents and coming out regardless.

This will be my my last post today, time for an early retreat for both of us me thinks

sashadesade

I'm afraid I'm not qualified to mark her paper, but I'm an English Literature student at university so I know a bit about exams. I can empathise with the poor girl's anxiety, but working herself into a frenzy isn't going to help. From the grades her teacher is giving her it sounds like she's already doing a great job and is being unnecessarily hard on herself. Studying hard is important of course, but taking lots of breaks and getting lots of sleep is equally important. Going into an exam frazzled, stressed and panicky is far from ideal.

Humphrey10

I have never heard of anyone doing multiple (or any, actually) practise exams at home, not even for proper qualifications like A levels or degrees. If she needs to go to all this trouble just to get a B, is it realistic for her to plan to do A levels and a degree, or is she setting herself up to fail? Is it just eng lit she is having trouble with, or is she finding all her subjects too hard?

Or is it not that she is finding it hard, but feels she could improve further? If she isn't 100% sure she will get an A*, why on earth is she sitting the exams a year early? She could have another year of studying!

Molly41

meritaten wrote: »

Are you the one who posted about a perfectionist daughter? if so why are you DOING this? if I remember rightly most of us said that pandering to her will make her worse.

Yes she is hence my earlier post !

Poppy9

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Half the stress of exams causes lack of recall in the first place; which just makes things worse. .

DD get extremely stressed before exams to the point of tears but when she is in the examination she says she feels as if she doesn't care and it's not important. She says the the stress gets her motivated.

peachyprice wrote: »

For goodness sake, it's two days before the exam what on earth difference does is make at this stage in the game, if she hasn't got it now what are you going to do to make sure she gets it by Tuesday morning..

I would say that too but DD wouldn't. She got up at 5 am the morning of her language orals to revise and passed both exams with 100%. Last year for her Y10 geography module she only had the night before the exam to revise and fell asleep with the book on her face. She achieved an A*. She honestly hadn't done any geography revision prior to this as she concentrated on her maths gcse which she was doing a year early and had her DofE the weekend before the exam. She feels more confident if she's done some last minute revision.

elaine12022 wrote: »

I agree with the other posters, trying to relax (both of you) is important, she cannot really learn much more now, but needs a clear head for the exam itself, i say this having done lots of exams and knowing how stressful they are! I also realise now how relatively unimportant they are.

Of course she can learn more now. There is always something you have not done. And while as an adult we think these exams are not important, the schools are telling the pupils differently. At assembly, in lessons they are being told months before exams they should be revising 2 hours a night and so on they continue the count down. Of course they don't start revising months in and then panic sets in.

I am the parent of an extremely stressed Y11 pupil. She is very able but is now studying 8 or 9 hours a day with short breaks. She has deactivated her facebook as it was distracting her. My dining room is a mass of past papers and I'm often called upon to mark them. She is not unusual. Her friends are stressed, work colleagues children are stressed; tears and tantrums the norm. DD is still studying now, English Lit as it happens (WJEC). She'll hit the sack in an hour or so and then be up at 7am to prepare for Spanish tomorrow afternoon.

Until a few weeks ago I was forcing her to go out but have given up now as she just worries about the revision time she has lost.

IMO the pressure is not coming from parents but from schools and the system. DD resat a module of an exam which she had an A in because the school decided to re-enter the whole class to see if they could improve their grade. IMO A is excellent, couldn't see the need to resit. Controlled assessments (course work) contributing to their grades and sitting some subjects in modules mean that for a full two years they are under examination stress. Not for them the joy of doing little for the first year and then head down for the last 6 months in second year! I don't think many of them are mature enough to cope with the continual stress.

rachbc

Humphrey10 wrote: »

I have never heard of anyone doing multiple (or any, actually) practise exams at home, not even for proper qualifications like A levels or degrees. If she needs to go to all this trouble just to get a B, is it realistic for her to plan to do A levels and a degree, or is she setting herself up to fail? Is it just eng lit she is having trouble with, or is she finding all her subjects too hard?

Or is it not that she is finding it hard, but feels she could improve further? If she isn't 100% sure she will get an A*, why on earth is she sitting the exams a year early? She could have another year of studying!

absolutey - my son is in year 8 and his maths teacher said he could get a c in maths if he took it this year but there would be no point as he could do better by doing it at the right time.